Knittin' Kittens

It's Official!

2006-07-12T23:40:00.000-04:00

We have officially moved to Knittin' Kittens! I am now a dot com!

The Language of Summer

2006-07-10T17:35:00.000-04:00

For some reason, summer is much like studying for a test; I just keep repeating the same things over and over again. So today, I decided it was time for a change. It was time for a solution to two daily issues that have, in the past, been driving me insane.

1) I cannot even tell you how many times a day I have a pissed off child in my face, whining, crying or hollaring about how "Aaron pulled down my pants in the pool!" or "Jarrit kicked me!" I think the numbers are minimally in the hundreds. So, after the 501 time today, I called both children inside and laid down the following rule: They were no longer aloud to touch each other. Period. Any touching of any kind that I saw or that was reported, would result in one half hour in their bedrooms. That rule was laid down three hours ago and there has not been one touching incident since.

2) My oldest son, who we now know has RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder) loves to argue. He can ask me a question, I can give him the answer and from there the argument ensues. (Which may say something about me as an arguer as well). So today, this rule is now established: Once I tell Aaron the answer, I am finished discussing it. Period. It took him awhile to catch on, as I threw away his Boy's Life magazine after it had laid on the front porch (which with a huge trampoline and now a pool in my backyard, is my domain) and he was not real happy about it. He asked if he could get it back out of the trash and I told him no, and then proceeded to do the dishes while listening to this monologue:
"Mom? Mom? Mom? Can I have it back? Mom? Please? I want it! Mom?"

He finally got the picture and gave up.

So, on Saturday, we knitted! Pretend there are pictures here because guess what? Right! Blogger is being, well, Blogger. I'm in discussions with the Brit on my own domain name because I have enough frustration in my life right now that my freakin' BLOG does not need to be one of them!

Post Script

2006-07-07T21:19:00.000-04:00

I just wanted to add that I am doing a bit better since my earlier post. I'm in the process of baking cookies for tomorrow's gathering of Fiber Fanatics. I slipped out tonight, in my first moment alone all day, to go pick up a prescription for Aaron. I was having a little heart to heart with God, while listening to my ever present Contemporary Christian radio station. About the time I said "Amen" the station chose to play one of my favorite songs by Casting Crowns. I just thought I'd share the lyrics with you.

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen"and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear
You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God
Who gives and takes away

Chorus:I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God
Who gives and takes away

I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

I just wanted to share. I love these reminders that I am never alone. The situation is still the same, but God is with me...always.

Sometimes there's no where to go but up

2006-07-07T15:50:00.000-04:00

This life that we have been given to live in can be hard. Really, really hard. You are thrown all sorts of circumstances, without first being given the tools to deal with these problems. Life doesn't come with a manual and there is no teacher who can teach you how to deal with the day to day problems that can seem so ginormous; problems that are bigger than you are, problems that you CAN'T solve no matter how much you want to.

You plod on and on trying to do the right things, and when those things don't work, you pick yourself up and dust yourself back off and try again. A new tactic. A new possibility. You've always known exactly who you are and you've known exactly who you are not, but suddenly it has all gotten so out of control and you are walking a thin line between who you are and who you don't want to become. Then you are stuck again, trying to figure out the right thing to do, all the while wallowing in guilt, shame, and fear, knowing that on some level you failed.

But what you also find is an understanding of people you once subconsciously judged. You can so clearly see how it all went wrong again, and again and again. You understand fighting against your own inner demons, constantly pushing yourself to sum up more patience, more tolerance, even though your reserve of these things has long been depleted. You find yourself envious of the people who seem to have an endless supply of these things when you need it so much more.

Then the questioning begins. The wondering why God brought you to this horrible place of uncertainty. You're sure He made a mistake because there are way better solutions to this problem then you. The problem is no one person's fault, but you are left to deal with it and a life may very well hang in the balance. Screwing it up is not an option. It can't be.

So you are left with nothing left but prayer. You can't guide yourself out of this place of darkness; you've tried and wound up more lost than before. Only God knows how all of this is going to turn out and even though where you are right now may not have been His will, you know He can make something good come out of it.

Pray for me. I don't like where I am.

Enough already!

2006-07-05T21:24:00.000-04:00

Why are people so intimidated by the cross? I don't feel threatened by witches or even atheists. I don't feel inferior to buddist and as long as your religion doesn't cause you to think you need to harm others, I have no issues with it. Okay, so when we start removing the Ten Commandments from the courthouses, it gets under my skin a little but I try to remain open minded. But to remove a cross from a freakin' veterns memorial??? A cross that is there to honor people who died to defended our country?? Give me a big fat break. That cross potentially brings comfort to the families of the deceased, but people feel the need to get all ass-y about it, because it violates their right to not have to see it. Know what? CLOSE YOUR FREAKIN' EYES! IGNORE IT! Go some place else to honor the vets....let's face it, if you don't believe in heaven, they're simply dead people. You can honor them from the comfort of your own cross-less home!

I constantly ignore those fish emblems on cars that say "Darwin" in the middle of it. Though that is not a violation of church and state, I could very easily find it offensive and it could cause me unnecessary suffering. But I'm not that dramatic. (Though now I may get a little dramatic). We have people in this country dying of disease, hunger, malnutrtion, child abuse and neglect and numerous other things, so hey, ya'll who are so up in arms about a CROSS? Go find yourselves a worthwhile cause! One that could actually safe a life perhaps! We have everything in danger from trees to whales, so go find yourselves a real cause! Because pitching a fit about an inanimate object that brings comfort to people is SO much more worthwhile!

I rank these people right up there with the goofballs who sue fast food joints because their coffee was HOT. HELLO? And then they win the case?? Again, HELLO? Americans have gone off the deep end and the judges and authorities are just letting us get away with it by pandering to everyone's little whim. It's all so ridiculous. You can open the paper any day of the week and find any number of things to roll your eyes about. Let's face it, if I went before a judge and stated I totalled my car because I was so appalled about the fish Darwin thing, I'd probably win.

So if a mountain that has had a cross on it since 1913 is offending you that badly, find a different route to take. I'm sure that Mapquest could make some delightful cross-less suggestions. Or better yet, go and spend your time volunteering to find missing children, or to saving the ozone layer, or to keeping Japan from hunting whales to the brink of extinction. I think you would be alot happier at the end of your life if you did one of those things, as opposed to sucking the joy from Christians.

Happy 4th of July!

2006-07-04T23:09:00.001-04:00

You Are A: Pony!

Who doesn't love a pony? You are one of these miniature horses, renown for your beauty and desired by many. Full of grace, you are a beautiful and very special animal, with a long, flowing mane that blows in the breeze.

You were almost a: Puppy or a Duck
You are least like a: Groundhog or a Chipmunk The Cute Animals Quiz

Short and Sweet

2006-07-02T18:59:00.000-04:00

It's been way hot and humid today. Even the cats are taking a break from their busy schedules to take a little siesta in the sweltering heat.

And now you see it:

Now you don't:

It is finished

2006-06-30T10:28:00.000-04:00

So, I'm slightly loopy from vicodin, but not really in any pain. The procedure went very well, considering the lack of "twilight" and my own terror. An IV in each hand, then using the tourniquet, they got all the blood out of my forearm and the administered a numbing agent. My arm just felt VERY asleep. Never felt her make the incision, or anything. Overall, just a bit uncomfortable but no pain. So any of you who may read this and need a bier block, can rest in peace! No big deal. Honestly.

I'm not going to type much as I do have a little cast on my right hand to immobilize my thumb and wrist. I do have use of my fingers, but typing is just a bit awkward, so no big posts for a week or so. I'll try to entertain you with pictures if Blogger behaves (my last post we were again back to refusing to post pics). Just wanted to let everyone know that all is well!

Final post for a few days, probably

2006-06-28T18:37:00.000-04:00

I thought I'd post in bright red to symbolize my surgery tomorrow, which I am suddenly way not happy about. Got a call today from the surgical center and due to my having sleep apnea, I don't get to have any happy juice. AT. ALL. They are going to do a Beir Block (I can only assume that is how it is spelled as I'm sure it is not a Beer Block or a beer bong as that would give one the impression that alcohol would be involved, which would hopefully cause minimally mild sedation.) which is putting a tourniquet on my right hand to cut off circulation and then giving me a local to numb my arm. It doesn't sound too terrible, but truly...I am the biggest damn chicken in the world. I wanted to be pleasantly unconscious. In fact, that was the only reason I decided to go through with this (well, that and the excruciating pain stemming from my thumb). I could still get sedation if I rescheduled the whole thing at the hospital, but everything is already in place in my life for tomorrow (plans for the kids, the Brit is off work, the church knows I'm leaving early, Paula insisting on bringing us over dinner tomorrow night...I love my friends).

So after I've whined about this all afternoon, I remember that Robyn has been through two surgeries on her tongue and is currently in the hospital for continuous chemotherapy and hits of radiation. Though I know we all have our own issues to deal with, this somehow puts things into better perspective. No, I am still not looking forward to being awake while they cut me open, but at least I know that 15 minutes later, it will be over and hopefully after some healing, my pain will be gone. Robyn, unfortunately, does not have that luxury.

And speaking of Robyn, I did go to visit her tonight and for three days of chemo/radiation, she looks great! I just marvel at her courage and her attitude! She is just amazing. We'd drifted apart off and on over the years due to her being in school and my getting married and adopting kids, but it is good to know that when it matters most, we can still be there for each other. Just please keep the prayers coming that she beats this thing. k?

Sickos

2006-06-27T21:03:00.000-04:00

"I live in the Halfway area where the houses are close together. I have a neighbor who baits squirrels, rabbits and birds, and then lowers an air rifle out of his kitchen window and shoots them. This morning I heard a bang and saw a crazed squirrel run in my yard, rolling around, flipping around until he finally laid down. Then he got up and ran up my tree. I don't want my pets to be hurt or bitten. What can be done about this? Please give me some feedback. Thank you."

This was written in today's "You Said It" column in our newspaper. I'm not why this person has not contacted any authorites, because excuse me if I'm wrong, but isn't baiting animals from your home and then shooting them illegal?

There's a lot of sick tickets out there!

Not liking the Mondays....

2006-06-26T21:33:00.000-04:00

So, I am way not so much a big fan of Mondays, especially after a relatively relaxing weekend that ended all wrong, with basement flooding due to mucho rain, and then Monday starting out with next door neighbor at the door saying his basement had water in it and insinuating it may have been our fault (our drain was pointed out towards the front of the house, which would make it run down the front. However, there is a little hill between our houses and there was a lot of rain!). But, I really don't want to talk about that.

Friday night at long last, was girl night! Kelly and I met at Robyn's about 5:15 for some gal time and knitting and it was very comfortable and very relaxing. Robyn went into the hospital today for 24 hours for 5 days chemo/radiation session. Her attitude is incredible and I just pray everyday she beats this thing. I'll let ya'll know how she is doing Wednesday night as that is when I am escaping the male prison camp to go see her.

From Robyn's I went to Shell's place and she colored my hair for me. Talked a good bit, had a lovely time, and I didn't get home until after midnight. The evening was just what the doctor had ordered for the girl who lives with three males. We gals need our gal pals in a big way. It's funny, for years, my friends were primarily gay men and I tended to get along with them way better than with girls. But now, when it comes to friends, give me my girlfriends any day! We just understand each other, can talk about anything or nothing and overall, it is just wonderful and inspiring to be in their presence.

Every single one of my friends, brings something unique and special to the table. Robyn, her courage and sense of humor. Kelly, her absolute sweetness and infinate patience. Lisa, her incredible aura that just makes you feel absolutely relaxed when you are around her. Paula, her sympathetic ear and the way she is so honest about her feelings. And dear Shell, who is so questioning her worth. Gotta tell ya, this girl is amazing. No one can make me laugh like Shelley can. She is positively the best mother I know and she has more patience with kids in her little finger than I do in my entire body. She would do anything for anyone and not give a thought to herself about any of it. When I call her, she always sounds genuinely delighted to hear my voice. I pray that in time, she will be able to see in herself all the incredible things that I see and know.

In other news, my dear internet friend, Andrea, got engaged yesterday! She's been seeing the guy for over a year now and finally yesterday in a terribly romantic setting, he got down on one knee and popped the question. Of course, she said yes!

I really have no pictures of interest to show you. I just uploaded some to see if Blogger's ability to post pictures was working and as it turns out, it is!

This is my front porch.

And this is the front of my house.

And this I stole from some girl on myspace, I think. I'm tellin' ya, the guy is hot....just sayin'!

Don't want a knitting vacation....

2006-06-23T14:43:00.000-04:00

So next Thursday, I'm having surgery on my right hand. Some kind of tendon release due to horrible pain when I do certain things. Though I am looking forward to no longer being in pain, I am not looking forward to being in pain after the procedure.

Thankfully, I'll be in lala land during the operation because I am one big chicken. I'll have some bulky bandaging afterwards, which will be changed the next morning to something more manageable. I'll just be glad when the whole thing is over and done with. The pain in my right hand started when my left arm was broken back in the fall. A steroid injection solved it, but only for a short time and then the left one starting acting up. So far, the injection in the left is still working fine and I hope it continues to do so. Being right handed makes the pain a problem, where with my left hand, though it was painful, it was more easily dealt with. Plus, since breaking that arm, I don't have the flexibility with it that I once did.

So, I will continue to blog until Thursday, but then I may be taking a small hiatus until I am feeling more comfortable for typing. What I'm really worried about is how long before I can knit.

Tagged

2006-06-22T22:42:00.000-04:00

Got this from a beloved message board and thought I'd use my tag here.

I AM: A child of God
I WANT: Absolute peace in knowing my children will be successful one day
I WISH: I could have conceived a child
I HATE: the fact that people can be so judgemental
I LOVE: Quiet times
I MISS: My dad
I FEAR: Spiders, bugs and infamous porta potties, failure
I HEAR: the aquarium filter, cats playing (they have little bells on their collars)
I WONDER: How things will turn out in the end
I REGRET: Nothing (If I learned from it, how can I regret it?)
I AM NOT: As patient as I would like to be
I DANCE: barely ever ;)
I SING: All the time
I CRY: when I feel helpless
I AM NOT ALWAYS: a good enough person
I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: things out of yarn
I WRITE: a lot of fanfiction
I CONFUSE: unraveling hanks of yarn!
I NEED: to be a better mother
I SHOULD: write seriously, but then there is that fear of failure thing
I START: too much I don't finish
I FINISH: Most of my knitted projects.
I TAG: anyone who feels the urge to do this.

Coming out of the tunnel for a bit

2006-06-22T10:41:00.000-04:00

So, I'm at work which signifies that I should really be working, but I'm having trouble being bothered to do so. I'm relatively caught up other than the things I do on Fridays in which case they need to wait until tomorrow.

Tomorrow, the little break I've been waiting for is finally going to happen. The boy's grandma called yesterday and wants them for the weekend! Thank GOD! I love them, I do, but I am so much in need of a little breather. I need to be me for a couple of days instead of just "mom" (yes, there really is a difference in there somewhere!). I want to knit and write and maybe read. I'm going to Robyn's tomorrow evening (5 or 5:30ish) and from there to Shell's for a bit. Some gal time! Something else I sorely need. Then Saturday, the Brit and I will spend together, so all is good.

Last night I finally cast on the baby blanket for our waitress at the chinese restaurant. Now, you may find it odd that I am knitting for our waitress, but this gal is waitress extraordinaire. She is awesome with my kids, decorated our table to the hilt for the Brit's b-day etc. So now she is pregnant and due sometime in the vicinity of Christmas and due to the amount of a time a blanket can take, I started it last night. I'm actually doing a pattern with this one (another fear beginning to alleviate) and once I get some length to it, I'll take a picture.

JJ is here at the church with me and is out in the sanctuary playing "Pastor". We have had a hymn (one not familar to me) and short sermon on the importance of giving gifts on Mother's and Father's Day, and then the service is appropriately ended with "The service is over! Peace the Lord!" Hysterical. I'm thankful that he, at least, has an imagination and knows how to use it. I think Aaron's imagination was stolen with his childhood by his family and foster care, because the boy is clueless. Jarrit on the other hand, is never at a loss for pretending something. Yesterday and today we have had a pretend "Delaney" (his best friend, who is also six. He refers to her as his "wife" and Delaney to JJ as her "husband".) living with us. She and JJ do everything together, including getting married yesterday. They are working their way through college to be teacher and have not yet decided on children. "Delaney's" seatbelt is buckled in the car and all this from a six year old!

Well, not much else to say this morning. Maybe if something pops later, I'll post again, but I'm kind of hoping it will be an unpoppable day!

Ten Guidelines from God

2006-06-21T17:17:00.000-04:00

I received this from a friend today. My apologies to you who are not of the of the Christian persuasion, but just trust me when I say it was something I needed to read today. Thank you, Diane.

Ten Guidelines From God

Effective immediately,please be aware that there are changes YOU need to make in YOUR life. These changes need to be completed in order that I may fulfill My promisesto you to grant you peace, joy and happiness in this life. I apologize for any inconvenience,but after all that I am doing, this seems very little to ask of you. Please,follow these 10 guidelines:

1. QUIT WORRYING:
Life has dealt you a blow and all you do is sit and worry. Have you forgotten that I am here to take all your burdens and carry them for you? Or do you just enjoy fretting over every little thing that comes your way?

2. PUT IT ON THE LIST:
Something needs done or taken care of. Put it on the list. No, not YOUR list. Put it on MY to-do-list. Let ME be the one to take care of the problem. I can't help you until you turn it over to Me. And although My to-do-listis long, I am after all... God. I can take care of anything you put into My hands. In fact, if the truth were ever really known, I take care of a lot of things for you that you never even realize.

3. TRUST ME:
Once you've given your burdens to Me,quit trying to take them back. Trust in Me. Have the faith that I will take care of all your needs, your problems and your trials. Problems with the kids? Put them on My list.Problem with finances? Put it on My list. Problems with your emotional roller coaster?For My sake, put it on My list. I want tohelp you. All you have to do is ask.

4. LEAVE IT ALONE:
Don't wake up one morning and say, "Well, I'm feeling much stronger now, I think I can handle it from here." Why do you thinkyou are feeling stronger now? It's simple.You gave Me your burdens and I'm taking care of them. I also renew your strength and cover you in my peace. Don't you know that if I give you these problems back,you will be right back where you started?Leave them with Me and forget about them. Just let Me do my job.

5. TALK TO ME:
I want you to forget a lot of things.Forget what was making you crazy.Forget the worry and the fretting because you know I'm in control. But there's one thing I pray you never forget. Please, don't forget to talk to Me - OFTEN! I love YOU! I want to hear your voice. I want you to include Me in on the things going on in your life. I want to hear you talk about your friends and family. Prayer is simply you having a conversation with Me. I want to be your dearest friend.

6. HAVE FAITH:
I see a lot of things from up here that you can't see from where you are. Have faith in Me that I know what I'm doing. Trust Me; you wouldn't want the view from My eyes.I will continue to care for you, watch over you,and meet your needs. You only have to trust Me.Although I have a much bigger task than you,it seems as if you have so much trouble just doing your simple part. How hard can trust be?

7. SHARE:
You were taught to share when you were only two years old. When did you forget? That rule still applies. Share with those who are less fortunate than you. Share your joy with those who need encouragement. Share your laughter with those who haven't heard any in such a long time. Share your tears with those who have forgotten how to cry. Share your faith with those who have none.

8. BE PATIENT:
I managed to fix it so in just one lifetime you could have so many diverse experiences.You grow from a child to an adult, have children, change jobs many times, learn many trades,travel to so many places, meet thousands of people, and experience so much. How can you be so impatient then when it takes Me a little longer than you expect to handle something on My to-do-list? Trust in My timing, for My timing is perfect. Just because I created the entire universe in only six days, everyone thinks I should always rush, rush, rush.

9. BE KIND:
Be kind to others, for I love them just as much as I love you. They may not dress like you, or talk like you, or live the same way you do, but I still love you all. Please try to get along, for My sake. I created each of you different in some way. It would be too boring if you were all identical. Please, know I love each of your differences.

10. LOVE YOURSELF:
As much as I love you, how can you not love yourself? You were created by me for one reason only -- to be loved, and to love in return. I am a God of Love. Love Me.Love your neighbors. But also love yourself. It makes My heart ache when I see you so angry with yourself when things go wrong. You are very precious to me.Don't ever forget......

I know I'm not invisible

2006-06-20T15:47:00.000-04:00

I am having one of those days that I tend to have from time to time during the summer. Summertime means that the kids are home and that I have not one iota of time to myself; not even when I'm at work, because I have to take them with me. But this is not so much the problem. What I truly miss during the summer especially is not having a daughter.

A daughter would mean having someone to identify with, because none of the males in this house identify with me. No one is to blame, it is unfortunately just the way it is. The six cats don't give me much feedback when I roll my eyes over something of strictly male origin.

Today was just one of those days when I felt alone, in need of a female to talk to, because you see, at certain times of the day I am simply not visible. I know this to be true. Nothing I have to do is nearly as important as what anyone else wants to do, and no matter what plans I may have for the day to take an hour for myself, the plan seems to get foiled. I'm sure it is just my mood because today just started off badly.

The end of the month is kind of busy for me at the church. The newsletter is due by the first of the week and of course now is the time that the pastor, the council president and everyone else decides that they have something that must go into the newsletter. Add to that the fact that VBS is right around the corner and with Paula away on the mission trip, I am trying to organize and get ready. Add to that the fact that I have a six year old who is unable to amuse himself at the church up my butt every five minutes and I'm damn lucky to get ANYTHING done at all. Then the phone rings.

The decision was made that the Brit would be the one to handle Aaron's middle school schedule as he is generally the first one awake in the morning and middle school (and the summer school Aaron is in now) starts way earlier than elementary school. Yesterday, it went well. Today, Aaron did not get his ADHD medication, so he calls me at work from school at 9:30, which means dropping everything I'm trying to do, pulling Jarrit, who has finally found a means of amusement (and mind you, it was the last bit of self amusement he found today) off his playing to get into the car, drive to the house, get the pills, take them to the middle school, find a human being, walk down world's longest hall, all to give this child his medication so that he did not drive his teachers to the brink of insanity. Nevermind that I have Tuesday meetings at the church and am breaking speed barriers to get back in time. I know the whole pill forgetting thing was not intentional, but I still had to deal with the aftermath.

So, I get home, after getting next to nothing done today (and unless the six year old finds himself something to do, I don't see much getting accomplished until September.), to find that Aaron, who was instructed to wait on the porch until we got home, has decided to climb in through a window, just to irritate me. Of course, once home, there is vacuuming to do, our bedding to wash (due to complaints over cat hair) , children to threaten (I swear, they should outlaw summer vacation because the kids have no idea what to do with themselves) and finally a little plan forms. I am going to take a little break once the kids are outside and finish sewing up two little felted bags I have to send out of the country to friends, and while doing this I am going to watch Dr. Phil.

Truth be told, I hate Phil McGraw. He bugs the crap out of me, but it was just a reason to chill out for awhile. To not hear children "mom"ing me, which I have been hearing since 8:00 this morning, non-stop (I'm dead serious on that, people). The plan is going very well and then the phone rings (I really need to get away from telephones obviously).

The Brit wants me to record the World Cup game for him. With DISH tivo, you can't tape one thing and watch another, so soccer it is. Again, I don't even like Dr. Phil and I know how important World Cup soccer is, but sometimes it would just be nice to hear "Do you mind" or "Are you watching anything?" Again, I'm sure he didn't think about it, because I NEVER watch television in the afternoon (and now I know it obviously wasn't meant to be). So, instead of relaxing, I shucked corn, marinated salmon, switched loads of laundry and by that time, Aaron was back inside arguing with me over his need to wet his head down in the kitchen sink (which entails water all over my floor and is really not something I feel urge to deal with, plus he had only been outside for five freaking minutes), and Jarrit with a million questions (When is Sunday School? Is this a Canadian penny? Can I feed the cats? Can I have some watermelon?). So, here I sit venting about the whole thing.

So my day is left with cooking dinner, cleaning up after dinner, remaking our bed, and taking Aaron to therapy. Quite a redfreakinletter day, I'd say! And during the summer, this is most days! Which is why Friday night....hear me? FRIDAY NIGHT I am going with Kelly to visit with Robyn for awhile. To be with GIRLS who understand days like today and will sympathize. Let someone else parent the kids for awhile. I don't even care if the cats do it. I just need a break. Period.

How many more days till school starts?

I am way too old for this....

2006-06-19T18:00:00.000-04:00

So it seems I have this itty bitty crush. Now generally, being an almost 39+1 year old, married female, I would not so much as glance at another man. It simply goes against everything I believe. Now, I'm not saying I'm going to leave the Brit or anything of that nature. No, no, no. It's more like just a little thing I have going on the side. I've tried to resist, but after seeing him twice a week for several months, I just can't bring myself to break it off. I've tried, but I'm tellin' ya, the guy is a magnet.

I actually made up my mind several weeks ago to try to stay away and I was doing a pretty good job of it. He had barely crossed my mind in days. Then today, at the store, I ran into him. Well, not exactly him, but this:

Yes, that's right. Taylor Hicks from the infamous American Idol is my....er....pretend boy toy. The guy is hot. That gray hair makes me weak in the knees. And that smile! I never expected him to win, but was secretly thrilled to bits when he did. No, he didn't need the AI contract, because after the exposure on the show, he probably could have had his pick of contracts. But I just didn't want anyone else to win. No one else had that Soul Patrol charisma or those funky dance steps. I cannot wait for his first album to come out and I will be first in line to buy it. The boy is one Southern sweet tater! I'm just sayin'.

Finally! A day!

2006-06-18T21:02:00.000-04:00

Wonders will never cease! Aaron has actually finally made it through his first day of no lying, no stealing AND Blogger is letting me post pictures! Wooo Hooo...crack me open a cold one, honey! This calls for a party! (Sorry, that was my little redneck impersonation).

Yes, the child has finally succeeded in a day (only six more to go to get back a toy, but hey, it's a start!). What is even more interesting is that for some odd reason, manners are beginning to surface through all of this. I was thanked for taking him swimming on Friday, and for bringing home subs for lunch yesterday. So far I have managed not to fall over by these words that I'm not sure I have ever heard in three years (unless he is being prompted to say them). It's a small miracle, but I'll take it.

Uneventful weekend really. Shell came over Friday night and got me started on this:

Yes, at long last, a sock! I still find working with toothpicks slightly intimidating, but with that part of it put aside, the actual sock knitting is pretty easy. I worked on it for awhile yesterday and today. I'm just so darn tickled to be knitting an actual sock! Slowly, I am facing my fears and I'll prove it to you. Hold on tight now, ya'll....

Yes! It is the start of a sweater! It will belong to JJ once it is completed. I love the wool. It was my bargain from MDSW-the alpaca and it is so soft!

So, knitting really does happen here even though every now and then I have to remind ya'll of that. Life is just way busy, especially with two kids, one of them being quite a challenge. If all I ever blogged about was knitting, you might be getting an update a month at the most! Though I wished that knitting happened here on a daily basis, it simply doesn't. Real life often gets in the way, but I'm certainly not complaining for the most part. Though real life can include a child who working on perfecting his lying and stealing skills, it can also include lunch with friends, or a trip to the library with the kids. It can at times be about a long telephone conversation with a dear friend, just catching up or trying to solve the problems in our worlds. It can be about a feeling of satisfaction after just spending a couple of hours housecleaning or it can be about just lying on my bed, petting one of the cats or talking to the Brit.

All of this is good stuff, even if it does get in the way of knitting. But I certainly wouldn't trade it. All of those things are essential to life, or at least to my life.

Now, next topic. The Brit has mentioned us going away for my birthday. I'll be the big 39+1 on July 24th and though I don't think we can go away until August (due to Women of Faith and VBS at the church) I'm not sure where I want to go. He had mentioned New York and I discovered where at one time that would have thrilled me to pieces (and I would still enjoy going there with him!) now in my old age, the big city just doesn't appeal to me so much anymore. I like things a bit quieter and not so fast paced. And NYC in August is going to be hot and humid. There are places I would really like to see-like the other half of Canada and I've always wanted to take a cruise, but I don't think time will allow for those things this time. So, given we only have maybe four days, do ya'll have any suggestions?

I'll end with a little bit of cuteness. This is Mandy's youngest, baby Noah.

Cute, ain't he?

And little Hannah Banana just checking out stuff on the desk.

Oh and in case ya'll haven't noticed, there is now a Frapper map, so please humor me and add yourselves to it. I know I get readers who don't comment, which is fine, but I just think it would be fun to see where everyone is from!

So now we are seeing frustration

2006-06-15T14:07:00.000-04:00

I've already made mention that I often times feel like the meanest mother in the world, despite the fact that Dr. Miller tells me that being a "mean" mom is my job. Today, at last, the kid who is so unwilling to show me how much he hates this current form of discipline, is finally slipping up. He ain't happy. Where I don't find pleasure in this, there is a certain amount of satisfaction in knowing that just maybe, this child will eventually "get it".

I have to take the boys to church with me as school is out for the summer. I made Aaron read for an hour and then told him if he could behave himself, he could go back to the playroom and play with JJ for an hour. Any bickering, any problems, he was back to his book. Five minutes....FIVE minutes later, Jarrit is in my office crying because Aaron hit him in the eye with a toy. In pulling Aaron off his playtime, he had a minor explosion of "This sucks!" followed by some ineffective stomping as he continued to insist that JJ had thrown the toy at him first. It really makes no difference to me as I have insisted and stressed in the past that neither boy takes justice into their own hands. Aaron should have told me and if he had, he would still be back there playing. So, JJ comes into my office and I question him. As it turns out, Aaron threw the toy at JJ first, JJ threw it back, then Aaron threw it, resulting in hitting JJ in the eye. I call this lie and explain that now Aaron starts all over again tomorrow in trying to earn back a toy. Way not happy.

When we get home, he is permitted two hours free time outside, but only in the backyard. JJ, who Aaron cannot usually be bothered with, is being begged to come outside and play. So, he goes. Five minutes later, Aaron has ticked off my youngest child, who decides he doesn't want to play with his brother anymore and Aaron is not a child to ever amuse himself. So, my eldest is walking back and forth in the backyard (despite that he does have an imagination and a huge trampoline out back) having no idea what to do with himself. I remarked to him that he really has two options for his playtime in the summer. 1) Either be nice to his brother or 2) Learn to play alone.

So this afternoon, I have every intention of knitting. I have a few chores to do (yet here I sit blogging) and then I plan on relaxing (but you know what they say about the best laid plans....). I haven't gotten very far on my sweater yet as I already had to rip it out once. I have no idea how it happened, but in knitting with stockinette stitch, I somehow switched something as...well, I can't even explain it. It was just wrong and needed to go. So, I started again.

I did have my first spinning lesson, which was a scream. OMG. So much to do at one time. Peddle, hold, not push roving, don't let it get all twisted, make sure the wheel is going the right way, make sure the roving doesn't break. But with all that being said, it was fun.

Still no picture capabilities, but you can't say I didn't try.

Using up my random Friday

2006-06-14T22:21:00.000-04:00

When I make the decision to blog, I don't always know exactly what I'm going to write about. Tonight is one of those nights. I don't have a specific "theme" in mind tonight, so it is probably going to be a little random. You'll just have to deal with it.

We moved Aaron into the spare bedroom today and laid it all out for him. Though not happy, he didn't have too much to say about it. Of course, Dr. Miller warned me that if he doesn't like it, he is certainly not going to tell us he doesn't like it. It's almost comical to see all the ways he can think of to "help" me when he is grounded. When he is not in trouble, he simply can't be bothered to do any of the things he is told to do; those same things are the things he thought to do today all on his own. Funny that. He actually worked almost all day with one of the men from church, helping him to clean out his garage. Jim paid him $20, which though not necessary, it was nice. I made a point of commenting to Aaron about the fact that it must feel good to have that money knowing that he EARNED it. Only time will tell if anything is sinking into that mind of his.

In all the turmoil of the last few days, I made the terrible mistake of forgetting to take my antibiotics regularly. Actually, I only took one pill in two days as opposed to four pills, so I woke up this morning with a scratchy throat again. So not good! I'm back on the medication though, and will make it a point to see it through to the end this time.

I had to go out tonight for cat food and made a pitstop at Borders Books to buy Yarn Harlot's latest called "Knitting Rules!". I find Stephanie Pearl McPhee not only very talented, but very funny and am looking forward to reading it. I have an incredible weak spot for Borders anyway. After a day of a million and one "Mom!"s, it was nice to have a short but relaxing browse through the store before heading home. I hit all my favorite sections: new fiction, knitting, kid's books and the Christian Fiction. Not that I need to buy anymore books as my reading list of books that I already own is a mile high. I collect books like I hoard yarn apparently, but with little time to read. But it's always nice to have a book tucked into my purse for appointments or any other time when there are a few stolen minutes to digest a few pages.

Sometimes I look at my problems with Aaron and then look at what Robyn is going through, battling cancer, or what Shell is going through with Jim leaving and not knowing what he wants, and I wonder if I'm whining too loudly. But then, I guess we all have our problems to deal with and these problems are things that shape our character. We all have our things we are afraid of facing, whether it be a disease, aloneness, or worrying about how a child is going to turn out. I suppose it is all about life and how we just have to keep plugging along, with prayer, with the faith that it will all turn out fine in the end. So that's what I'm doing, what we're all doing; plugging along, trying to work through the issues, discovering what works and what doesn't work, all the while watching ourselves grow through our experiences.

Okay, one last thing. The stupid Hagerstown newspaper, finally published my letter to the editor (which I emailed to them like three months ago!). As you can only view it online for seven days, I'll cut and paste it here. It isn't my best work, but I hopefully got the point across.

Abandoning your pet is inhumane

To the editor:

This letter is in response to the article printed that gave the very sad numbers of animals euthanized by the Humen Society of Washington County last year. What I found to be the most devastating statistic was that 1,602 of the animals euthanized last year were "owner surrenders." Let me address this for a moment.

If I could do anything in the world, I would pass a law that stated that unless you were going to consider your pet a member of your family, you would be unable to adopt an animal.
Let's be realistic. Sometimes our pets can misbehave, or do things we may not find acceptable or act stubbornly - much as human children can. The difference is that we would never dream of taking our child to a place where we would give them up and possibly set them up for possible death. Of course not! That would be absurd! Yet 1,602 folks in 2005 decided that was a perfectly acceptable thing to do with their pets.

If your child is attempting to bite other children in class, would you simply give up on that child? I would certainly hope not. If your child has an "accident" instead of making it to the bathroom, would you decide that you don't want your child to live with you any longer? Of course not.
If your children get sick, you get them treated, right? But again, when it comes to the four-legged children, the entire outcome often changes. Instead of seeking help and advice to attempt to remedy the problem (as we would hopefully do with our human kids) it is just decided that we can't keep the pet any more if it is going to behave like this! Animals, like children, are not perfect. When we give birth to children, we have no control over how that infant is going to turn out. There may be problems beginning at birth, or maybe there will be issues that don't develop until later, or maybe that child will truly just be a joy to be around.

The same is true of our four-legged friends, yet we so often find them expendable. "It's only a cat" or "This dog is a lot more work than I thought it would be" are many times what people think. These are the thoughts that need to be addressed prior to actually adopting an animal. If you plan to get a dog and your plan is also to keep it chained up in the yard 24 hours a day, I hope you reconsider. These are social animals. Would you want to be chained in the same place all day long? So what makes you think your dog does?

I wish the animals could speak our language, because I would be willing to bet that any pet whose owner is "surrendering" (I think in most cases, "abandoning" would be a better word) it to the Humane Society would probably beg the owner not to leave them.

You, as the owner, are their family. They love you unconditionally. You leave them in a strange place and walk out the door, that animal feels terribly frightened. "Where are you going? Are you coming back for me? Please don't leave!" They might not be able to express this vocally, but their anxiety can be seen clearly on their face, and heard vocally in their own language.

While we're at it, let's cover one more thing. When you are deciding if you are responsible enough to be a pet owner, please keep in mind that it is also your responsibility to have that pet spayed or neutered (unless you plan to show the animal or plan to become a breeder). Just doing this will cut down on the number of animals the SPCA has to euthanize each year.

Many of the deaths last year probably occurred due to the irresponsibility of people not spaying or neutering, then allowing their pets to roam free outside. This is hardly fair to the little puppies and kittens that are born unwanted and homeless.

In conclusion, please keep these things in mind if you are considering adding a furry child to your family. Chances are the animal you chose will love and adore you, so it is only fair to give them the love and respect that they deserve. All animals are God's creatures and should be treated kindly. If you don't believe in God, treating animals kindly is still just the right thing to do.

Kimberly (omitting my last name, as hey, this is the internet!)
Hagerstown

Just a thought

2006-06-13T22:53:00.000-04:00

Just check this out and tell me what ya'll think: http://mysite.verizon.net/vzetmznl/

For some reason Blogger is also refusing to insert a hyperlink for this, so ya'll may need to cut and paste. Perhaps Blogger knows I'm having an affair.....

The score

2006-06-13T21:09:00.000-04:00

The Aftermath for Aaron

So, ya'll are probably wondering what the outcome has been in our little Aaron saga (I should say our latest Aaron saga.). Tonight was finally therapy night, though I had called and left Dr. Miller a message yesterday with the lowdown on our felon. I now know she only works on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, but that in the event of an emergency, I can ask the receptionist to call her for me.

Despite what a mean parent I have been feeling like, we are apparently being too lenient with his latest punishment. Dr. Miller says his summer should be basically gone, though he still needs time to burn off energy and play as he is a kid. The other thing she suggested and that we are going to do I actually read about yesterday in searching an ADHD message board. Though he doesn't know it yet, tomorrow, Aaron will be temporarily moving into the spare bedroom...with nothing more than his clothes, a bed and a book. He will not be permitted in the room he shares with his brother. Basically, he has nothing. If he goes a week without lying or stealing, he earns back one toy.

It seems harsh to me, but according to the board I was reading and what Dr. Miller said, these kids need a wake up call. His stealing is escalating, so we need to get tougher. I suppose that drastic means call for drastic measures.

The aftermath for me

This whole scenario has sent yours truly on a chocolate binge (If I can't smoke, I'm gonna eat.) that I'm not proud of. So, I need to get my own behavior under control as well. I generally don't buy chocolate so it's not a temptation, but we were just in Canada. What do they have in Canada? Right. British style Cadburys. I bought some...well, a good bit of "Some" with the intention that I would eat a little sliver about once a week . It was all going according to plan until the felon went into action. Shell will tell you...Jim left, she started smoking again. I can't do that, so I started eating again. I'm not sure what about Aaron's escapades makes me think that gaining back 11 pounds is a GOOD IDEA, but there you have it.

Other than the chocolate, I am slowly starting to come out of the daze/funk I've been in since Saturday night. Dr. Miller has given us a plan of action and I am always way better if I have a plan...or even a pl. I feel like I am moving in a direction (whether it is the right direction remains to be seen) as opposed to the girl who has been shell shocked the last three days.

Now, do I dare say I'm going to post some pictures? That would be a no.

Blog therapy

2006-06-10T22:47:00.000-04:00

So, the saying goes that when you get to the end of your rope, you're supposed to tie a knot and hang on, right? Well, I gotta tell ya, the rope burns are freakin' killing me.

This was going to be a nice little post about our monthly knitting get together and about how I have finally cast on my first sweater, but unfortunately, tonight, the blog must be used for cleansing.

Let me tell you a little story. Last night, myself, the inlaws and the two boys went over to Shell's place. My inlaws fly back to England tomorrow and they wanted to see Shell again before they left, so we headed over there and arrived at about 7:30. Shell's oldest son, Ryan, who is 15 (or is it 16?) was at a party, and her younger son, Dev, who is 14 was home. My kids love Ryan and Dev, and Dev took the boys under his wing last night; played basketball with them, played video games with them, took them across the street to a friend's house to play baseball etc. Never mind the age difference, Devon was wonderful last night.

The adults conversed on the porch, and Shell gave me a spinning lesson (again, a tale for another day) and by the time we were ready to leave, it was pushing 10:45. We said our goodbyes and drove home and as soon as we walked in the door, the phone rang. It was Shell. Ryan had come home and he was saying that his cell phone was missing. She wanted to know if Aaron or JJ had seen it.

Immediately, I was suspicious as Aaron has stolen in the past (money from the Brit, two way radios from his great grandparents, stuff from school, pretty much anything that isn't nailed down that he decides he wants.) and questioned him about it, in front of the inlaws. Looking me right in the eye, the child said, "No, I didn't see it." I pressed him a bit further and got the same response. So, I told Shell, he hadn't seen it, the conversation ended and we all went to bed.

This morning, when I am getting ready to journey to my knitting group, the phone rings and it is Ryan, asking me once again ask if the kids had seen the phone. Aaron is standing right there, so I again, go through the interrogation and get the same replies. Now mind you, he has been telling the truth lately, even when it is about something he shouldn't have done, so I believe him this time.

The day progresses. The kids go over to the park with my FIL and have a great time. They play out back most of the day and overall, it was a very good day. This evening, Shell calls me and I ask her if Ryan had found the cell phone. No, and at that point, I find out that his ipod is missing as well. Shelley is honest and tells me that her boys think Aaron took it and I again explained how he had been questioned twice and he insists he never saw it. She tells me it was in a white gift bag on the bed. At that point, Lisa beeps in on Shell's phone and she promises to call me back.

No sooner do I hang up, then down the stairs comes Aaron, carrying his Kansas project to show my mother. Again, I question him.

Me: Did you happen to see a white gift bag on the bed over at Miss Shelley's last night?

Aaron: Yes.

Me: Did you touch it?

A: No.

Me: You didn't move it?

A: No.

M: You didn't take his cell phone or his ipod?

A: No.

Me: So if I tear this house apart, I am not going to find Ryan's cell phone or ipod?

A: (a shrug of the shoulders) Uhhh Uhhh.

At this point, and only at this point, did I know without a shadow of a doubt this child was lying. I ask him again if he took it and he said yes.

What ensued from this point on was lovely. The Brit and I are not spankers, but this kid got a spanking. He forked over the ipod and cell and the Brit informed him that the two of them were going over to Shell's so Aaron could return the items. I called Shell twice in this timeframe; once to tell her Aaron did indeed have the items and again to tell her the Brit and Aaron were on their way over and she was not to make it easy on Aaron. They didn't.

Let me clarify first off, that Shell is probably one of the most understanding friends in the world. I was mortified (and still am) but she was not upset in the least (at least not in talking to me!). She knows what we are going through with Aaron. Her reply was that if Aaron had the items, she knew I find them and that Ryan would get them back. That is little consolation for me in the fact that he took them in the first place.

The bit of weirdness was that he played outside all freakin' day! He didn't hole himself up in his room playing with the stolen items, so what was the point??? I can't begin to wrap my mind around this kid. His first bout of stealing, two years ago, the Brit took him down to the police station and had an officer talk to him. This apparently made no impression. I am honestly going to talk to his therapist on Tuesday night about the possibility of in-patient care for a few weeks. Something has got to make an impact on this child!

I don't know where else to go from here.

Cough cough

2006-06-08T22:29:00.000-04:00

So, I'm sick. Yes, I know ya'll knew that, but I mean really and truly ill. I'm incredibly stubborn about going to the doctor, because my experiences have not been all that great. I go to a practice that has several doctors, which in a way is a good thing, as there is usually someone who can see me. But, out of all these doctors and nurse practitioners, I have been given Z-packs, which suck (three day antibiotic. Works very well, providing you don't mind getting sick again in a week and a half), told to use Afrin, which I hate as I hate anything that has to go up my nose, and even had one doctor tell me he wasn't sure what was wrong with me. So, needless to say, when I feel like the dog's dinner, I usually wait around to see if it will pass on its own.

Well, this time it just didn't. I came down with a cold two weeks ago. Horrible head congestion and two days later, it plummeted to my chest, causing me to lie awake at nights coughing. I was popping Advil Cold like it was going out of style. (I am SUCH an Advil girl. Three Advil can cure just about anything). When we went to Canada, I had a brief respite. Oh, I was still coughing and unable to breathe, but I didn't feel too badly. Once back home, my energy sagged, my glands became swollen, and all I wanted to do was sleep.

I was forced to admit defeat and call the doctor. Today's answer was "It's an infection, though I'm not sure of exactly where, so we'll treat anything head related." Gotta love that diagnosis. Hmmm. Your arm is broken, but I'm not sure of where, so we'll just cast everything. How many years of med school did these people take? Anyway, low grade fever (100.1) and swollen glands (she informed me of this like it was news to me. Hell, I had already told her they were swollen.) But at least she gave me a for real antibiotic. Personally, if I were the doctor, I would have never used that "But I'm not sure exactly where" statement. How about just "You have an infection. Take this antibiotic for ten days and call me if you aren't better." It makes her sound much more knowledgable and the patient is none the wiser.

I think I admitted defeat today only because I have wrist surgery scheduled at the end of the month and I want to be healthy for it. I have tendonsomethingorother (not tendonitis) which is basically pain...excruciating pain, that shoots from the outer part of my thumb to my wrist. Though it has been treated with injections, the relief has not been long term, so surgery it is. It's fine with me as I will be relatively asleep for the whole thing. At least the wrist doctor, I like and trust. Let's face it, had she said "Well, I'm not really sure, but we'll just cut you open and move a few things around and see if it helps." I'd be high tailing it out of there.

And a few more Canada pictures! Or rather, I would post them, but Blogger is again refusing.

Wala! Pictures!

2006-06-06T23:05:00.000-04:00

So, Blogger is aware of the problem and in reading the complaints from others a Blogger employee suggested logging out and back in of Blogger to see if it helped. In my reading venture, there are several people after doing so who still cannot post pictures. For me, it worked, at least for now.

These are a few pictures taken from the top of the Skylon Tower. The view is breath-taking.

A hairy situation

2006-06-06T22:29:00.000-04:00

I have the hair from hell. Now, many of you will disagree with me apparently, as in all those polls I get in email, everyone thinks my hair is one of my best features (if not the only one). For those of you not familar with my hair, it is thick. VERY thick. It actually looks pretty good with a perm and not too much fuss, but that is where the goodness stops.

Today, I knew I would be resuming my Curves workout after being away for a couple of days, so this morning after a shower, I managed to get my hair up into a ponytail/bun kinda thing. Thick hair is very hot when working out, and if I don't put the hair up when it is wet, there is no way in hell I'll get it up dry, as it seemingly expands. This manuever resulted in a horrible headache that I had all day long. Why? Because the placement of the ponytail/bun thing was about 3/4 of the way up my head, and due to how heavy my hair is, it pulled back all day, resulting in the said headache.

Even those hair toys which the vendors advertise as being for thick hair, obviously don't know my hair. My hair has broken two thick hair plastic headbands in a matter of weeks. My hair is the hair toy terminator. To color my hair, I need two boxes, minimally, to cover it all. Yes, I could have it done in a salon, but at $65 a pop, it just isn't worth it. Plus it grows quickly and before I know it, it needs color again.

I know that no one is probably really and truly happy with their hair. Thick haired people wish their hair were thinner and sleek. Thin haired people, long for hair like mine. I wonder if there is really anyone out there who does indeed have perfect hair.

Okay, so that was boring. I just needed to rant a little bit apparently. Last night, I attempted to post pictures of our trip, but Blogger told me to go to hell, so I'm going to try it again now. Well, obviously Blogger is still telling to upchuck and die regarding pictures, so I will have to investigate this further in order to find out what it up Blogger's butt. We've only been together about a year, but apparently, the honeymoon is over.

2006-06-05T23:05:00.000-04:00

Well, it is back home, safe and sound, after a not nearly long enough visit in Canada. I'll admit, the inlaws were not as taken with the country as I apparently am (I found this out when my MIL pissed in my proverbial Cheerios on the way home today), but I can accept that. After all, pretty boring world if we all loved the same places and things. I will visit again, but I think I prefer Canada without the kids or the inlaws. Don't get me wrong; I enjoyed this trip very much, but there is something to be said about having to be subjected to the moods of two different people as opposed to six different people. It's no one's fault. People are moody and quirky, but sometimes comments are not always measured before being spoken.

Case in point. The Brit and I are both eating more healthfully. I have lost about 13 pounds and he has lost about ten. We both generally eat three meals a day and in speaking for myself, I generally have a snack or two during the day as well. It's all about choices and we are both trying (and apparently succeeding) in making some good ones. When looking at changing your eating habits as opposed to dieting, most plans will tell you to eat several small meals a day. For me, this translates into, when I'm hungry I eat. I don't eat crap, but I do eat.

So, Saturday, rainy Canadian Saturday, we ended up at TGI Fridays for lunch. The inlaws elected not to join us for breakfast that morning, chosing instead to have a half banana each in their room. For lunch, the Brit and I each had a house salad and a bowl of soup (and actually most of my soup was consumed by JJ). The inlaws each had a bowl of soup, no salad. At 7:30 that night, the kids were hungry, and the Brit and I were hungry. We stopped by the inlaws room to ask if they would be joining us and my MIL said they weren't really hungry. Fair enough, but she followed up that comment with "We don't eat nearly as much as you two do."

Now, call me hyper-sensitive, but that remark immediately put me on the defensive, though I only countered it with, "Well, I have children to feed as well." What she probably meant was that as she and my FIL were now older, they didn't eat as often or as much as they did when they were younger, but people, it is all in the delivery. I was doing my very best to make fairly good choices while we were away, and for the most part succeeded. Even last night, when the Brit and I went out to dinner alone and to the casino, at the buffet, with literally 20 plus desserts to chose from, I had one scoop of ice cream with caramel and hot fudge on top. Last year, I probably had at least three desserts as the selection was so good. It is definately progress. And as Forrest Gump would say, "And that's all I have to say about that."

Live from Niagara Falls

2006-06-03T18:40:00.000-04:00

Hello!

I'm coming to you live from the very rainy Niagara Falls, Canada! Yes, we brought the in-laws and the children (so much for relaxing) with us this time and have spent the first full day here very wet; both from rain and from a ride on the Maid of the Mist. The Maid of the Mist is an amazing close up encounter with the Horseshoe Falls and I highly recommend it to anyone planning on visiting the area. You can't fully appreciate the vastness nor power of the falls until you are up close and personal and this boat tour gives you just that.

I love Canada. It's incredibly clean, the Canadian people extremely friendly, and even the rainy view from the hotel window is to be appreciated. I have already paid a little visit to my favorite little knitting store and purchased enough yarn for a baby blanket as well as some more of the yarn I bought last year. The thing is that I tend to buy yarn strictly by fiber appreciation, meaning that I generally have no idea what I plan to use it for. Then months later, once a decision is made, I tend to have a yarn shortage with the yarn I have chosen for a specific project. That was the case with the yarn purchased last August from this shop. Thankfully, she still had it in stock, so I got two more skeins.

Today, we did the boat thing and went up in the Skylon Tower which give you a tremendous view of the falls and the surrounding areas. I'm uncertain as to what tonight or tomorrow will bring yet. We had wanted to hit Marineland (you can actually touch Orcas there! Do you have any idea how long I have waited to do that???) but the weather is a major factor in that decision. I would gladly do the park in the rain, but my MIL would be another story altogether.

The Brit and the kids are down at the pool at the moment and should be returning shortly. The quiet time is nice and I use it to read or knit, or in this case, blog. There is little peace and harmony when two boys are present, bored and looking for something to get into. They aren't ones to entertain themselves unfortunately, which really sucks because as of now, they are out of school until the end of August. So much has changed as I recall playing outside with my younger brother constantly when I was a kid. We were out all day, sometimes with no other company other than each other, and we played. ALL. DAY. LONG. We didn't come inside until we were called or mom rang the cow bell (honest. She had one of those). My children, on the other hand, are constantly begging for television, movies and video games. I don't get it at all. Why have kids changed so much or is it technology that has made them change? I would gladly not buy them GameBoy games, but if all their friends have them, then the whining would never stop if they felt they were lacking. I just think that these kinds of devices do away with a child's ability to use their imagination and that loss is a great one to me. I used to pretend everything. Some things I knew from television (Charlie's Angels or the Mickey Mouse Club....I was always Sabrina or Allison subsequently) and other things we pretended from books (Trixie Belden was our favorite). I used to read to my brother in order to get him on board with the things I liked to pretend and he was always all for it.

Those were good days. Great days, actually. But now it is all video brain-sapping crap and though I allow the GameBoys, I refuse to permit them to spend their summer (or even their evenings) in front of the television or the X-Box (which was actually purchased for the Brit before we ever considered adopting children). I'm just not gonna do it. My response to the ever popular "I'm bored" is to say, "Well, your closet needs cleaned." This generally makes them realize that they are not nearly as bored as they think they are and they quickly find something to do. But while that is a good thing, I still find it sad that they think they can be bored to begin with. Being a kid rocks. I can remember back that far and now as an adult, I still rarely find myself bored. The problem is that my not being bored has too much to do with things that need to be done (work, housework, appts for children, etc) leaving barely enough time for the fun and games (knitting, reading, etc). But how do you make a kid realize just how good he has it right now?

I hear them coming...will report back later!

2006-05-29T20:59:00.000-04:00

So...ya'll are probably wondering why I haven't posted in a week. In all honesty, I did post. Twice. And blogger ate it. Twice. In the same damn night. So I decided Blogger could bite me and I gave up.

I had a nice long post for ya'll and I am not about to type it for the third friggin' time, so here is the short of it.

-Thought a friend had a heart attack.
-He didn't.
-But because of this Kid's Club was cancelled last week. This is important to those of you who knitted bears. We are rescheduled for this week.
-It was a rough week.
-My in-laws are here from England for two weeks.

I also had pictures that Blogger was also mad at....of bears:

And of Lisa in the second fantabulous sweater she has knitted.

I will post more when I'm finished sulking at Blogger.

A little trip to the city

2006-05-17T22:13:00.000-04:00

So, I mentioned a couple of posts ago, that my friend is again in a cancer battle. She underwent a 14 hour surgery last week in Baltimore, where they removed most of the right side of her tongue and some lymph nodes. Lisa and I ventured down to the city to visit her today now that she is out of ICU.

I have to say that I despise city driving. I have no idea how CAP does it in LA. It would make me positively insane. The increase traffic, lack of consideration (I mean sometimes you just have to cut someone off, because these people will not let you over, which probably makes me inconsiderate too), the feeling of the heat rising off the concrete. I hate it. But with that being said, the driving aside, there has always been something about Baltimore I enjoy.

The highway heading into the city was not too bad, but I love the skyline. Baltimore is the home of Camden Yards and Raven Stadium as well as the wonderful Inner Harbor. There are apparently also yarn stores, but unfortunaly, we did not have time to hit any of them this time.

The hosptial itself was impressive and resembled its own little city inside. You could shop, eat, snack, buy cookies or coffee. Very different from the hospital in little Hagersboro!

The picture below is actually taken inside the hospital and I guess the apartment-y looking building is really just doctor's offices.

As for my friend, she is hanging in there. We were pleased to see her sitting up in a chair when we arrived and her color was really good. She was, of course, unable to speak, but did some communicating on a dry erase board. She still had the trach and the feeding tube, and her arm was pretty well bandaged from where they took the skin and muscle etc for the tongue reconstruction. She is doing remarkably well and one of her doctors, who we saw while there, was very pleased.

The only big concern yet is that the pathology report has not yet come back. So if you praying folks would just keep up the petitions, it would be much appreciated. We already know she'll have to have chemo and radiation, but this cancer came back so fast, we're just hoping they got all of it and that it hasn't spread anymore.

Finally, just for "Awww" value, a little mama bird has built her nest in a tree out front. She actually built it pretty low in the tree, but it is still pretty well hidden and judging by the size of her babies, they have very safe and very well fed.

Now, on another fowl note....does anyone know anything about baby ducks? We apparently have about ten eggs in our back yard and the jury is still out on if they have been abandoned or not. If so, I would imagine it is too late to help the eggs? Does mama duck abandon her nest for long periods of time? So many questions!

Just a little post and a story

2006-05-16T17:17:00.000-04:00

I am possibly going to get the worst parent of the year award.

You see, after numerous times of simply hearing myself talk, I got a little tired of it this morning. I can ask Aaron to do something (not anything out of the ordinary, mind you. I'm not asking the kid to vaccum or clean windows) and he will simply chose to not do it. He won't tell me he didn't do it, he just won't do it and wait until I discover it. So this morning, after finding out he did not clean up the mess in JJ's closet (that Aaron made), I told him this:
"Don't ask me for anything else until you are ready to do things that are being asked of you."
He says, "Even poptarts?" (This is when I count to ten)
Me: "Even poptarts. I'll pick you up whatever kind I feel like, if I feel like it."

He obviously forgot about this when he came in to tattle on JJ for something he was doing outside. Aaron is also a major tattletail, btw. I simply looked at him and said, "Are you asking me to do something?"
"Yes, I want you make him stop it."
I just looked at him and reiterated, "I told you this morning not to ask me for anything."
He stares at me, clearly waiting for me to jump up and go and deal with the evil JJ. After a beat of getting no reaction from me, he says, "Aren't you going to do something?"
Me: "Nope."
He was then annoyed and slammed out the back door.
What JJ was doing was not life threatening. What he was doing, he should not have been doing, and as soon as he came in for a snack, I spoke to him about it and told him if it happened again, he would be spending the evening inside the house. But I was not going to give into Aaron's request. Does this make me a bad parent or a brilliant one?

I was in a crap mood the rest of the day about this child and poured my heart out to Paula at the church this morning. She is always a wonderful sympathetic ear. I then went home, had lunch, ran a few errands and then went to Curves to workout. I was so not in the mood, but interestingly enough, I felt way better once I was finished. AND...my one month stats are: pounds lost 9.60. Inches lost: 8.25

I can live with that.

So, I promised a story about my little experience after 9-11. After it first happened, I came home and immediately wrote down the whole thing in story form. As I like to fancy myself somewhat of a writer, I turned it into a story, and I think "Kallie" is the main character, aka, me. The story is not embellished in any way. It is written the way it happened and I described what I experienced as best as I possibly could. But really, there are no words to truly capture it. I can't even relive the feeling in my mind. It was something I had never felt before and have not felt since.

I titled the story "A Hug from Heaven", so without further ado, here ya go:

No one really noticed her as she walked quietly into the church, her blue eyes taking in her surroundings. This church was not her own, but another Lutheran church on the other side of town that she had never before attended, but she had heard of the prayer gathering from her own pastor in her own church's service this morning and she knew she had to come.

Her heart was heavy with grief with what had happened in New York and Washington on Tuesday, and now, five days later, she still felt as if she were grieving every bit as hard as she had been on Tuesday as she had watched the towers collapse. She was unable to get through a day without tears and couldn't seem to pull herself away from the news, afraid she would miss something, and Kallie didn't want any more surprises. Tuesday, September 11th had been surprise enough.

The sanctuary was beginning to fill up, so Kallie took a seat on the end, her shaking hands holding tightly to the two pieces of stapled paper she had been handed upon her entry. Skimming it, she found songs mostly and not feeling able to concentrate, she laid it down on the seat beside of her as she looked around her at the other people who had gathered.

Everywhere she looked, people were sporting some kind of red, white and blue pin, whether it be a ribbon or something more like a badge and Kallie's hand moved to the heart-shaped flag pin she wore on her jacket that had once belonged to her father.

"Funny," She thought to herself, as she lowered her head,"And sad, that it took something like this for me to take pride in wearing the colors of my country. I always took it for granted before, but not now…not now."

Fighting back tears, she focused her attention on the church's minister as he took his place behind the alter and began speaking about the horrible terrorist attacks that had occurred in the United States last week. The reality of all she had witnessed on the television on Tuesday and the days following filled Kallie's mind like a bad nightmare. She knew it would take her a lifetime to forget the images of horror that had been played over and over again during those dark days.

As they sang through the first song, which were lyrics that had been written to the tune of "Amazing Grace", but centered around the attacks that week, she found herself barely able to sing, so great was the grief in her heart. Usually, Kallie loved to sing, especially raising her voice in praise to her Heavenly Father, but today, the sound would not come and by the end of the song, the words were no more than a blur on the page from her tear-filled eyes.

The next pastor led them in the first of their prayer petitions-prayers for the victims of the attacks. Kallie tried to listen to the rehearsed prayer, but soon found herself offering up her own prayers,

"Oh Father…there is so much pain in so many lives today. So many people have died and even more are still missing. Families have been destroyed and lives shattered, but I know, Father, with my entire heart, that they are with You now and with as uncertain as our earthly future seems right now, there could be no better place to be."

"Please, Father, to those who have been left behind, draw them close to You, hold them in Your loving arms and hold them tightly as they grieve. We are all grieving, Father for what we have lost this week. Please, hold us all close in our hour of great need for You."

As the pastor finished his prayer, the organ struck a chord as the congregation began to sing. The song, though not long, was strangely haunting:

"Oh Lord, hear our prayer.Oh Lord, hear our prayer.When I call, answer me.Oh Lord, hear our prayer.Oh Lord, hear our prayer.Come and listen to me."

Tears now sliding down her cheeks, Kallie turned her attention to the next prayer warrior, who spoke of prayers for the police officers and firefighters and she once again, instead of listening, spoke from her own heart,

"Father, so many have given their lives that others may live. Brave men walked into those buildings to save others, but lost their own lives. Be with those, Father, who continue to search. Grant them strength and courage and give their bodies rest when exhaustion sets in. Be with the families of those courageous men who overtook the plane in Pennsylvania, Father. I can't imagine knowing that I was going to die, but then for them to decide to not allow those people to do what they were planning to do. They lost their own lives, Father, but saved maybe hundreds of others. I know with everything inside of me that you were with them as they made that decision. It was one of the many miracles that occurred that day, Father and I know that You were present with so many of those who were there that day. Love them, Lord, as only You can…"

As the pastor stepped down, once again the organ hit the opening chords of the melody…

"Oh Lord, hear our prayer.Oh Lord, hear our prayer.When I call, answer me.Oh Lord, hear our prayer.Oh Lord, hear our prayer.Come and listen to me."

As the next minister began to speak about fear, it was all Kallie could do to keep from downright sobbing in the pew as her heart cried out to her Creator.

"I am so afraid, Father…I've never in my life been so afraid! This world we live in has always felt so safe and now, in the course of one horrible day, nothing feels safe anymore. At night, I think I hear people crying, Lord, but I know it is all in my mind, but it hurts, Father, it hurts so much that I don't know what to do with it. I can't think about anything else and I've never known this kind of fear before. I know that others have as there have been other wars, but oh Father, watching those towers crumble as if they were made of nothing more than paper? How many more times will this happen?"

"Please help me to know that You are in control; that you already know how this will all turn out. Good always wins out over evil, right? And surely, this was pure evil, though they may have placed the name of religion on it, but Father, surely this was not Your will! My heart, Father, it aches…it just hurts so much that this happened where I live, where so many live! How much longer must I feel so afraid?"

"Oh Lord, hear our prayer.Oh Lord, hear our prayer.When I call, answer me.Oh Lord, hear our prayer.Oh Lord, hear our prayer.Come and listen to me."

And so it continued, with each minister speaking on different topics and leading them in prayer and as the minutes past, Kallie only grew more distressed. Was this supposed to make her feel better? Why was it that nothing could touch this pain in her heart?

Not even realizing that he had been sitting behind her, Kallie watched as her own pastor walked up the aisle and stood behind the alter. His gentle face was serious, and nothing could have prepared Kallie for his words.

"Forgiving our enemies…"

"Forgive them, Father? Forgive them? Tell me how, because I don't know! All the lives lost, all the fear instilled in innocent hearts and I'm supposed to forgive them? Forgive them for flying our planes, with our passengers, into our buildings? Killing thousands? I know You want me to forgive them, Father, but I don't know how…I don't know how!"

Kallie broke down completely, filled with remorse at this one thing she could not do; this one thing she didn't know how to do.

"Father, please, tell me how to do this! I'm even struggling at times on why You allowed this happen! I know we have free will, but I also know that You have the power to stop such things from happening, so why didn't you, Father? Why? I feel so alone, so detached from everything and I look at all the heartbreak and destruction after what happened and I just more than anything, want to know that You love me, and that You loved all those innocent people who died on Tuesday…I just want to know that, Father…please…"

As she wept, Kallie suddenly felt herself wrapped in what had to be love itself. A warmth filled her soul and a love filled her heart that was so great, she closed her eyes, having never in her life felt anything like it. Tears poured from her eyes as in that moment, she wished more than anything to stay wrapped in this embrace forever. It was all she ever wanted to know. It filled her entire being with a tenderness and gentleness greater than all emotions she had ever felt, all wrapped up in this one moment that she wished would last forever. The sheer power of it made her want to cry uncontrollably at even thinking of the loss of it.

But it faded as her tear-filled eyes moved to the cross that hung above the alter and she knew exactly what it was."A hug from heaven," She thought, as a peace that passed all her understanding filled her heart and soul,"Thank you, Father…thank you."

As this is a knitting blog....

2006-05-15T20:27:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I'm not so good at actually talking about knitting on this knitting blog, but today is your lucky day! Yarn!

I've been promising photographs of my Maryland Sheep and Wool purchases, so I finally got around to taking some pics tonight and getting them downloaded.

I can honestly say that everything I bought fit into this little Latern Moon basket (which I also bought at the festival).

This was my stash from the festival. See? Not so bad!

This was just pretty. Not a clue what to make with it, but that was actually the joke of the day. We'd share our purchases with each other and then ask "So, what are you gonna make with it?" To which the answer was always some form of, "Yeah. No idea."
And sock yarn, for the girl who has never knit socks!

This was just some really purty (and really inexpensive) yarn that I plan on felting for a bag.

And my alpaca! This is the sweater yarn to knit sweaters for the boys (with lots of help from my knitting friends!)

So see? Not so bad! That's all I bought. Currently, my needles are slightly bored as I'm making little bears for the children at our church's Kid's Club. I'm planning on putting a little cross or something of the like on the bears once they are finished. Kelly and Shell are also bear knitting as they are wonderful friends, always willing to help, especially if helping involves knitting. I have one and 3/4 bears done, but no faces or stuffing yet and I'm clueless about the ears.

Now for amusement purposes only...as insane as my oldest child can make me, my youngest is a hoot and a hollar. He's an original piece of work with an off the cuff sense of humor for a six year old. Tonight, he came downstairs, completely nekked, holding a balloon over his...umm...boyhood. That was not the funny part. The funny part was that as he came down the stairs like that, he could be heard saying, in a very deep voice, "Hey, anybody got any pants around here?"

He was horrified over the picture taking and made me "pinky swear" not to show anyone. I assured him it was only going in my journel. Hey, he's six. He'll never know.

How do you dig out of a hole?

2006-05-14T15:11:00.000-04:00

First off, Happy Mother's Day to all you moms out there! I hope your day has been a wonderful one, filled with joy in celebrating what you chose to be.

Now, with that being said, I have been faced with quite a dilemma and I'm not too sure how to turn things around or even if it is possible. I want to be a good mother. Truly, I do. But motherhood is hard work and I think it is even harder when the children have not been yours since birth. JJ, my youngest, has overall been a piece of cake. Of course, we got him at three years old and I think that has made a huge difference on how he is turning out. He's sweet and affectionate, yet strong willed (but he is six, after all). He doesn't think twice about popping his head in the door just to say, "Mom, I love you." He's easy. He can be frustrating at times (like dinnertime and trying to get him to eat an actual meal), but I think all kids can be. I have to keep on my toes with him, because he has a quick mind and a quick wit. He's bright in intelligence and often a bright spot in my day. I have no problem loving this child. As I said, it's easy.

Aaron, on the other hand, has been a huge challenge. He was nearly eight years old when he came to live with us, so he clearly remembers his birth parents. I get the impression (tho he speaks of it very little) that he doesn't miss dad all that much. Through bits and pieces, I know that Aaron's dad was probably borderline abusive. Aaron can be a handful because of his ADHD and I guess with bio-dad being an alcoholic, those two things didn't mix too well together.

Aaron is a child who refuses to learn from his mistakes, and he makes many, which children do. The frustrating part is that he doesn't learn anything from them and he will often turn around and repeat the same behavior an hour or less later. He seems to lack a conscience and will think nothing of simply taking something he wants. It doesn't matter who the item belongs to: me or the Brit, his grandparents, a friend, the school. There is no difference. If he wants it, he feels as if he should have it. Yes, he is in therapy and on medication for his ADHD, but we are still faced with the same challenges on a weekly basis.

I love Aaron, because I'm supposed to, not because it is easy. I pray for him. I ask God to give me patience with him. I'm afraid of what his future might hold if he doesn't soon develop a conscience, allowing him to determine what is right and wrong. I wonder how long it will take him to mature to his almost 11 years. (He will often still crawl around on the floor barking like a dog). He can look anyone straight in the face and lie to them, and the things he lies about are almost always things he is going to get caught for doing. Obvious lies. The problem here for me is that though I love Aaron, I don't like him all that much. The greater problem is that I fear he knows this.

He took to the Brit almost instantly when he moved in. It makes sense in a way because his bio-dad was never all that present in his little life. So he quickly grabbed hold of a father figure as one was being offered. He didn't have those same issues with bio-mom, who wasn't abusive and was present...well, as present as a cocaine addict/prostitute can be. Needless to say, it has been an uphill battle for Aaron and I. The first year he was simply full of resentment for me. He called the Brit "dad" long before he finally called me "mom", would say things to me he wouldn't dare say to the Brit and would often ignore any request I made of him. This did not start us out on a very good note. At first, I took a lot of time to play games with him, anything to win his acceptance, but nothing really seemed to work. I tried to work with him on his issues, but he wasn't interested. JJ, on the other hand, was a workable child. At three years old, he was still unable to talk, so I threw my energies into him. I worked with him at home and he started speech therapy. Results happened. He talked. I felt as if I had done something good by this child.

But Aaron still remains elusive and because of the past, I think I have too, with him. I now have trouble showing him affection, because so often in the past, doing that was often followed by a knock in the teeth from him in some form or another. I think maybe we have conditioned each other that we simply are never going to get along. This in itself frustrates me.

I know that I can't change who Aaron is, but yet I want to change who I am, where he is concerned. The desire is there but the know-how remains in question. How do I suddenly start to turn things around with our relationship? How do I force affection I don't often feel without it feeling false to both of us? And if I do force it, will it one day not feel forced?

I don't know if my relationship with Aaron is part of the root of his issues or not, but it is certainly the root of evil for me. I don't like how I react to this child. I don't like the emotions he tends to inspire in me. These feelings make me feel as if I am failing with him and I don't want to fail with him. I want him to succeed in life and even if he doesn't, I want to know that I did everything I could for him.

So if anyone has any suggestions as to how to turn this around, please let me know.

They shoot fat people, don't they?

2006-05-10T17:31:00.000-04:00

This was actually a title of an episode of "Designing Women". I always have adored that show, but only with the original cast. Once they got those other people in there, I was no longer interested. I wish I could locate a script for this particular episode, but I looked on the internet and had no such luck. But the reason I bring it up, is because of this whole eating better/exercising thing I've been doing.

If I remember correctly, in this episode, Suzanne went to her high school reunion and despite all the things she had accomplished in her life, not to mention how drop dead gorgeous Delta Burke is, the only thing her former classmates could find to focus on was the fact that she had gained weight. When she finally confronted these people, she said something to the extent of "No matter what your issues are; if you're an alcoholic or a drug addict people are sympathetic...unless you're fat."

How true is this? There have been periods of my life when everything I did revolved around food and my weight. I've been on numerous crash diets, lost weight, only to start eating like a normal person again to gain it all back, because let's face it, once you are eating more than grapefruit, you're gonna gain weight. In high school, a lot of what I did centered around how I could best avoid the kids who would make fun of me. I found acceptance with my friends and in theater, which was a saving grace. Those people taught me to redefine myself. I had always simply seen myself as "the fat girl", after all, that was how everyone defined me. Who I was had nothing to do with any of it. The fact that I was a semi-talented, caring person wasn't worth its weight in beans compared to what my weight was. It was all about what I looked like; about what they could see externally. And heaven help me, I also had glasses and bone straight hair back then too. Then my parents added braces to the mix. Like my weight didn't have enough impact on my need to have the floor open up and swallow me.

Problem is that we don't realize until we are older that who we are has nothing to do with what we weigh. We don't realize until later in life that if all someone cares about is what we look like physically then that person isn't worth having in our life. It never dawns on us until we are more mature and have more control over who we spend our time with that what we look like is only a teeny tiny part of who we really are. But then, even though we KNOW this, it is still extremely difficult to let go of years of conditioning. I have great fears about losing weight and still seeing myself physically as "the fat girl". I've done it before.

In high school, I lost a lot of weight, by basically starving myself half to death and doing an intense aerobic workout every day. The pounds came off, but I was still "the fat girl" when I looked in the mirror. Only now, years later, can I look at those pictures after losing that weight and know that I was in no way fat in those pictures. Not compared to what I am now. But at the time, being relatively thin was something I just could not see. Not after being teased and called names for years and years. The word "thin" in my vocabulary was only used to describe others, never myself. Used to describe me (and by others only) the word seemed foreign and definitely a mistake. Just as you can't have an abusive husband calling you ugly for twenty years and then when you finally leave him and meet someone else who finds you beautiful, who are are going to believe? You know who you WANT to believe, but often that is not the reality. You can't erase twenty years of someone seeing you a certain way, in a couple of weeks.

When my kids come home from school and have learned some derogatory word from the other kids on the playground, I am quick to sit them down and spell it out for them; how it isn't nice to label someone just because they may look or act differently from us. Though they don't realize it, I know just how long that label can potentially stick. I know that me talking to my kids is only making a small difference in the child population of the world, but it at least makes me feel a little bit better.

Unless you've ever had a weight problem, you cannot begin to understand it. There are a lot of preconceived notions out there about why people are overweight. Bottom line is that no matter how much you think you know, you don't often know someone else's story. You don't know how they got to that point (and if you do, then you are probably already a friend and would not say anything cruel anyway). We need to be more gentle with each other and to show this to our children through our own actions.

Quiz ala Shelley

2006-05-09T18:31:00.000-04:00

So, Shell wanted me to take this quiz (I promise a real post is forthcoming once I finish knitting little bears and my friend comes out of cancer surgery tomorrow night) so here are the results:

You Belong in Barcelona

When it comes to Europe, you don't want to decide between culture and fun. You want art by day and a big party by night.

Barcelona is ideal for you. You can check out some Picasso, eat some tapas, take a siesta, and then dance all night!

What European City Do You Belong In?

Interestingly enough, I waffled on two of my answers with this quiz...am I more friendly or more fun and would I rather write a novel or act. Ironically, even with switching my answers, I still wind up in Barcelona.

2006-05-08T20:36:00.000-04:00

You Are Sunrise

You enjoy living a slow, fulfilling life. You enjoy living every moment, no matter how ordinary.

You are a person of reflection and meditation. You start and end every day by looking inward.

Caring and giving, you enjoy making people happy. You're often cooking for friends or buying them gifts.

All in all, you know how to love life for what it is - not for how it should be.

What Time Of Day Are You?

Just for Lisa

2006-05-07T20:40:00.000-04:00

I know this is not exactly what you were talking about, but I'm still looking....in the meantime:

A - Age: 39
B - Band listening to right now: None
C - Career: Church Secretary
D - Drink or smoke: ummmm.....sometimes
E - Easiest person/s to talk to: Wow. Lots of you are really easy to talk to...but as far as being easy to talk to and being accessible face to face the most, I'd have to say Paula, because I work with her.
F - Favorite song/s at the moment: Mmmmm...probably "My Savior, My God"
G - Gummy Bears or Gummy Worms: Neither...blech. I hate gummy anything
J - Junk foods you like: All of it but as I'm dieting, I'm not seeing too much of it. I love the sweet stuff...chocolate, cookies, cakes, pie....okay, I need to stop now.
L - Longest car ride ever: The time we got lost coming back from Ocean City and went over the Bay Bridge three times.
M - My favorite Sport/s: Is web surfing a sport?
N - Number of relationships you've had: Only one that matters :)
O - One wish you have: To be a published author one day
P - Phobias: Spiders, porto-potties, heights I can fall from
Q - Favorite Quote: I don't know if I have a favorite....I like the one I used for the thought of the day for church this week "Sometimes when our foundations are shaking, we find out that it is God doing the shaking."
R - Reason to smile: I'm a child of God
S- Song: Brave
T- Time you woke up: Way too early....6:15
U - Unknown fact about you: Wow....I'm an open book really...what don't you know? Maybe that I was born out of wedlock?
V - Vegetable/fruit you hate: Brussel Sprouts
W - Worst habit: Ummm...ya'll know
X - X-rays you've had: arm x 2, leg, lungs, ankle, collarbone, foot
Y- Yummy food/s: sushi! Also crab and anything seafood
Z- Zodiac sign: Leo, but I don't follow the whole zodiac thing.

Maryland Sheep and Wool

2006-05-07T18:48:00.000-04:00

Wow. So what can I say about MDSW? It was amazing and way more than I imagined! More people than I had imagined, more yarn than I ever could have imagined and even really good deals! I lacked a bit in the camera department, because I spent the first part of the day walking around with my mouth hanging open in absolute awe of the magnitude of this festival. Kelly said she had heard that this is the biggest wool festival in the United States and I tend to believe it.

We officially hit the road around 8:00 after picking up Lisa, Shell and Kelly at the park 'n ride. Robyn had met me at the house at 7:30 as that was closer for her. The took the Brit's beast (a Chevy Suburban) so that we could all ride together and it was an uneventful but animated (in conversation) ride to the Howard County Fairgrounds. We got there around 9:00, parked the car in a field and headed to the enterance.

There was literally so much to see, but I did manage to capture a few pictures of some of the animals.

This little guy was being bottled fed in one of the vendor's tents. Mama had a couple of them outside and you could continually hear their conversations!

These two llamas were precious, but what was even funnier was that their owner looked like them! She had a very long neck and big eyes. The thought in my head was amusing enough, but then Shell had to sneak up behind me and whisper...while I was TALKING to this woman "You know how they say that some dogs look like their owners???..."

This shot on the left is just to give you an idea of the magnitude of people who attended this thing. When we arrived, it wasn't too crowded, but by the time noon arrived, it had really picked up!

This is just a way cute baby sheep? Goat? Cute!

This really tickled me to see this sheep lying on this man's lap as he just sat there and chatted. The sheep was just as content as she could be!

T
This lady on the left was spinning the angora right off her rabbit.

I should have taken pictures of the massive amount of yarn porn that was present at this festival. It was almost too much to take in and very difficult to decide what to buy because there was just so much to chose from! It was just building after building of yarn, knitting and weaving accessories, spinning wheels and supplies, knitted merchandise and on and on. I had much trouble making any decisions on what to actually purchase, but I did do just fine in the end. I'll post my purchases tomorrow once I get a chance to photograph them.

Our weather was perfect but the day was also much more exhausting then I would have ever thought.We did make it through the whole thing and a few things twice, but it is safe to say that we were all very tired by the end of the afternoon!

Tired shoppers!

<-----This is Deanna having a little snack, which we all shared.

On another note, I am down ten pounds so far since joining Curves and am very glad I had a few weeks of workouts behind me to do the festival as my energy was good most of the day! I also didn't go completely off my eating plan as I only had a lamb Gyro, a few chips and two bites of a deep fried twinkie (as opposed to having my own twinkie which would have happened in days of yore.). However, I can also tell I am almost 40, because it has taken me two days to recover from this event! Of course, I had to get up today at 6:15 as well for church, but it was a real effort today. I wanted to sleep!

But overall, I had a wonderful time! Great company, good yarn, cute animals! Only 364 more days till next year's festival!

The eve of MDSW

2006-05-05T22:07:00.000-04:00

So with tomorrow FINALLY being the big day, I spent tonight crying. Nothing serious really....we just went to see United 93 at the movies. I kind of felt as if I were reliving 9-11, but yet it was in its own way even worse, because you could see and feel the confusion and the helplessness of the air traffic control folks and the military. It was extremely intense and I found myself praying for a different ending, even though I knew that would not be the case.

Then the strangest thought occured to me. I remember several years ago when James Cameron's "Titanic" came out in theaters. I told a friend I wanted to see it and he said "I know how it ends. The ship sinks." At the time, I found this rather amusing, but when this thought crossed my mind tonight, I found no humor in it at all. I think about what could happen 30, 40 or 50 years from now when some director decides to remake a movie about United 93. I think about some twenty year old, who wasn't even around when 9-11 happened, saying to a friend "Hey, I wanna go see that movie about the terrorist attacks." I think about her friend, callously replying, "Eh, I already know how it ends. The plane crashes."

May I never be so callous about a tragedy ever again.

Anyway, tomorrow morning, bright and early....Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival! Non-knitters think I am insane. Kirk, from church (an extremely delightful teenager and Paula's oldest son) just keeps laughing at my excitement about this event. But then again, Kirk is not a knitter! I really have no idea of what to expect which just makes it all the more fun. We're taking the Brit's beast of a car...a ginormous Chevy Suburban. Other than parking, I'm not too worried about driving it. I will be taking the camera, so stay tuned for pics!

Oh and I havent' forgotten ya'll that wanted the prayer service story. Actually wrote it up in third person almost right after it happened as the feelings were fresh in my mind. I'll get it up on the blog next week for ya'll. Other than my name in the story, everything is exactly how it happened and though no words can really describe the feeling I had that day, I did the best I could. And Juli in Brazil? You've read this before, silly! But I'll be happy to refresh your memory!

Signing off for now! Must sleep to be up early!

Bring it on!

2006-05-01T22:32:00.000-04:00

So, my good friend, Kelly sent me an email entitled "Why we drink". I think I knew the answer way before reading the email. We drink because at times we don't feel as if we have any control over our circumstances. Because at times we feel helpless and if I'm gonna feel helpless, I'd may as well feel drunk and helpless!

In all honesty, I really don't drink much or often anymore. But I'm planning on one big drunkfest once a few things settle down. My immediate life and family is fine, mind you. It's my extended sisters who are having problems. One is starting her second bought with cancer and trust me, there is nothing that can make you feel more helpless and powerless than cancer....unless it is men. Which is the problem my second friend is having. Her husband of many issues has moved out but now wants to talk to her, so please...let the rollarcoaster continue!

I have always, always, always had an unhealthy need to want to fix things. I want to make people feel better, I want to empower them to change their situations, I want to tell them all about God's unfailing love for them. But sometimes, there are just things you can't fix just by wishing them so. I find this difficult...and unfair. Sometimes I just want to know that what I say or do makes a difference, but I'm not sure of why I feel that way. Maybe I need some kind of affirmation that I'm a good friend. No, I don't think that's it as when I am told I'm a good friend, I feel very embarrassed by the praise. Maybe it just all ties in with the feeling of helplessness. I want to know that in some way I helped, so that I don't feel so totally useless.

What I am discovering about myself as I am faced with these situations that actually belong to other people but yet affect me, because I love them, is that I am growing much more comfortable in my faith. It is nothing for me to open up my mouth and share it or remind someone of some things they already know but tend to forget when the world is heaping on them more than their fair share of sorrow. That is the thing that keeps me from feeling quite so helpless and I hope the things that I say or share help to empower the people who are going through the rough spots. Maybe "empower" isn't the right word. Maybe I just hope that those things that I feel led to say bring them some peace.

As someone who experienced God's grace firsthand at a prayer service following 9-11, I know how real it is (I can be persuaded to retell that story if anyone cares to know about it). It was as real as the next breath I am about to take.....got it. The breath, I mean. Just wanted to make sure I was gonna get another one ;) . But that grace was shown to me in a moment when I was seeking him with my entire being.

I just want everyone to know, who is experiencing trials or heartache that if you look for God with everything inside of you, He will not disappoint you. He will show you blessings that you never could have imagined. Sometimes they don't come in the packages we expect, but they are gifts just the same. Believe it because it's true. He promised.

If you want to, please pray for my two friends. I know that the prayers are being heard.

A long distance dedication going out to a friend

2006-04-28T22:28:00.000-04:00

She knows who she is and I just want her to know that I love her and am thinking about her tonight. We were never promised it would be easy...we were promised that we would never be alone. And that promise is for keeps.

I just heard a song on WGTS that made me think of your situation (with the exception of the very beginning of it, but you'll get the drift).

Two months is too little
They let him go
They had no sudden healing
To think that providence would
Take a child from his mother while she prays
Is appalling

Who told us we’d be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
We’re asking why this happens
To us who have died to live?
It’s unfair

Chorus: This is what it means to be held
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held

This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it, let the hatred NUMB our sorrow
The wise hands opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow
(Chorus) ...This is what it means to be held
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held

Bridge: If hope is born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?

I know this sucks big time and I cannot even begin to imagine how you must be feeling right now. But know this. Know that God is not only looking out for you as He always has, but He is holding you right now. He knows the depths of your pain better than any of us do, but He still has a very important plan for your life. Your worth is not based on that of any human being. "To hang between two thieves in the darkness Love must believe you are worth it." You are worth it. Believe it.

I'm here if you need me. Believe that too.

Really, really random

2006-04-26T22:36:00.000-04:00

First off....Only 10 more days till Maryland Sheep and Wool!

Okay, now that I got that out of my system....I really have nothing of any importance to talk about tonight. I'm still working out at Curves and still loving it. I only realized yesterday that kids will say things that they have no idea what they mean. Why do I know this? Because yesterday I was upstairs in my private room (the bathroom...one of two rooms in the house that actually LOCK) and someone out on the street was laying on their car horn. Without even thinking, something I swear I have not said since I was in freakin' middle school came out of my mouth. "Horn blows, does the driver?" A split second later, I realized for the first time just what that little phrase meant! Now, don't misunderstand, I am not that gullible (remind me to tell you one day about my stupid remarks in movie theaters) but I had honestly not even thought about that phrase since middle school! If I had thought about it sooner, I know I would have known what it meant, but it just goes to show you that you do indeed pick things up in school and repeat them in absolute ignorance.

So, as I am dog tired and this is a really, really random post, here are a few random things about me that you may or may not know:

1) I have a porto-pottie phobia. I would rather eat dog poop than have to use one. When forced to use one by my pea-sized bladder, my hands start sweating and I all but have an anxiety attack before I exit the stupid thing.
2) I am addicted to chapstick.
3) I have the thumb of death when it comes to plants and flowers. The running joke in my house every spring is "What are you going to buy to kill this year, dear?"
4) I have a certain way of calling each one of my six cats. It may be by a little change in their name (ie Micah-Moo) or by my voice going up an octave etc. My entire family thinks I'm weird, but they all eventually catch on and call the cats the same way I do.
5) I have an unhealthy love of stores like Office Max and Staples.
6) I am terrified of any and all bugs. I don't even want a ladybug ON me.
7) I have a secret obsession with reading "Touched by an Angel" fanfiction on the internet.
8) My dream car (don't judge me) is a Geo Tracker convertible.
9) I slept with my favorite teddybear from the time I was 15 until this past October when I broke my arm and had to sleep downstairs in a chair.
10) I cannot go to the bathroom if the person before me has not flushed the toilet. I have to flush it first before I can possibly go. No saving water for me!

Okay, now that you are all aware of the extent of whackjobness, I bid you all good night!

Background music by Nostalgia

2006-04-22T18:28:00.000-04:00

So, though the title has nothing to do with the blog, the three "men" are down in the basement trying to fix one of my mother's chairs. First the sound of Queen was blaring up the stairs, and that was fine. But Tom Jones??? Didn't women used to throw their panties up on the stage at this man? That in itself makes it all kinda gross for me.

Good news...though I hate to jinx anything. As of yesterday, I had lost six pounds...and this was in just over a week, since starting at Curves. Though I've been eating better for several weeks now, I didn't have another weigh in till last week at the gym. On the weekends, I tend to lax my eating a little but tonight was apparently a little too lax. The Brit had bought these philly steak and cheese calzones from someone at work, and in seeing them in the basement freezer, I decided that could be dinner because 1) It's easy and 2) It's Saturday. I did corn and baked potato with it. It was good but about 15 minutes after dinner, I was in the bathroom. I think my body, due to eating much better, decided to take the reality of my 23 fat gram calzone and replace it with its own reality of "it ain't happenin'." Whew...for a moment there, I was sure I was on Metphormin again!

And the knitting! I am working on these little bears for the kids at Kid's Club, which is the weekly kids gathering our church does. Miss Kelly, who you all know from the Fiber Fanatics blog and past knitting get-togethers is helping me. Kelly, again, thank you so much! I come up with these little ideas when I barely have enough to time to make them fly. I mean, the last kid's club gathering is the Thursday before Memorial Day, then they are out for the summer. So, this gave me about a month to pull it off and with two kids and a husband, I am often distracted. But Kelly has come to my rescue! I'll be sure to post a picture of the bears when we are finished for ya'll!

Some moments are just for blogging

2006-04-19T21:49:00.000-04:00

So. Just to preface this little discussion, we have one of these.
<------ A little dollar store trash can that sits on the counter in the kitchen for such things as egg shells or those little plastic thingys that keep the bread bag closed, or when the in-laws are here, for tea bags. It comes in way handy and this is actually the second one we've gotten as Jonah, my trouble making kitty broke the other one by knocking it on the floor and busting up the lid beyond repair. Unfortunately, they don't make these little cans in the most attractive colors and they certainly don't match anyone's kitchen scheme (at least I hope not....though sorry if anyone thinks this little can would be fitting for your kitchen because the colors match exactly). But they are handy and convenient and I am often all about the convenience.

Well, Saturday morning arrived and the alarm clock went off for the Brit as he had to head over to church to help a friend install some new phones. Now usually our bedroom in the morning is part of a huge feline frenzy as soon as the humans show a bit of life. The cats are hungry and are pretty demanding about wanting someone to hurry their tush up and get downstairs to fill the food bowls. Patience is not one of their better virtues with the exception of Micah and Alex who tend to enjoy a little early mornin' loving if the humans have the time.

The Brit rolled out of bed and immediately starting saying very quietly and very urgently, "Babe, get up! Get up quick!"

I am still in a sleep induced coma and mumbled something that may have been pretty close to "Bite me", when I heard him say, "Jonah, baby, it's all right." Well, this set off the alarm bells. The Brit never calls any of the cats "baby", though I know for a fact that he secretly adores them all. After all, he refers to Grace as "his bitch" as he is her favorite place to lie down and get a little tummy stroking. So at this point, I sit up rather quickly with "What is it? What's wrong?" The Brit replies with, "Don't move too fast." Again, sound the bloody alarms. At this point I am sure that Jonah's insides are scattered all over the floor or something equally as dreadful and panic is setting in.

I scrambled out of bed to see this:

Apparently there was something in that trash can Jonah was desperate to have and somehow managed to get his little cat head through the lid. I have no idea how long he was that way. Could've happened right after we went to bed Friday night or it might have happened a mere moment prior to the alarm going off. He wasn't hurt and the Brit and I laughed until our sides ached. We tried to catch him, but he was hellbent on simply being fed.

Yes, nevermind a trash can around his neck, he was all about the food (he fits right in with our family). Though this picture looks rather pathetic, trust me, this is simply a demand for Science Diet in his bowl....NOW.

Of course, prior to feeding him, I simply had to take a picture or two because this is one of those had to be there moments, so now you all are. It was a blog simply waiting to happen.

And on that note...only 17 more days till Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival!

This two blog thing is not really working out...

2006-04-10T20:42:00.000-04:00

In case you haven't noticed, I am finding it rather difficult to keep this thing updated, so what in the name of all that is bad possessed me to think I would have time to update two blogs??? Pretty needless to say, it is just not gonna happen.

Habits of the habitual

So, in the light of weight loss, just let me say that I have my first workout with Curves scheduled for this Wednesday, immediately after work. I get a free two week trial to decide if I like it, which is a good thing. I hate signing up for something I haven't really seen. Then it is just a matter of do I sign a contract for a year, or do I pay month to month? We'll see just how much I really like it.

The biggest issue in my life is establishing a habit. Or at least a good one (I honestly have no trouble whatsoever falling into any bad habits. Go figure). Once I start going to a gym, if I can keep myself going for like two months, it is a habit and not so much something I need to force myself to do. The same problem is confronting me right now spiritually as well. I've been trying to get my nose back into a Bible by doing the Upper Room studies once a day. I started this little ritual last week and guess how many times I've actually done it. Once. One freaking time. Despite the fact that the books and the Bible are right here at the computer desk where I spend time every evening, it still remains a struggle. Maybe what I have is a habit of not following through on any potential good habits. So, not all is indeed lost.

And a word on one of the children.

JJ came in the house the other day and collected out of the "snack drawer" in the kitchen all his remaining treats from Christmas, Valentine's Day, etc. He took all these treasures and put them in a bag and then vanished out the back door. He then took the little BBQ table from the back porch and took it out in the yard beside the trampoline and covered it with a little cloth. When I inquired as to what he was doing, his reply was, "I am making a store to sell my candy." Knowing JJ's great affection for all that is sugar, I asked him why on earth he would want to do that. In all seriousness, he replied, "To make room for the Easter candy."

Steel Magnolias is really accurate

2006-04-08T21:40:00.000-04:00

Today was our first official Fiber Fanatics get together and I, personally, thought it was a HUGE success! Knitting, talking, sharing, eating...all the good stuff knitty girls do all rolled up into one day! Sadly, I found that I did not take nearly enough pictures, because I get all caught up in the knitting, talking, sharing, eating, and forget about picturing.

But before I get into introductions and all that good stuff, I need to say a couple of things. There is something so incredibly special about getting together with this core group of women (and I'm sure once we all get to know each other better, Micki, JoEllen and Sheri will be included in this equation. I already think the three of them are wonderful and two of them I only met today!). It's magical almost. We all haven't known each other forever...Lisa and Shell have known each other for quite a long time, since the 6th grade and Shell has known Kelly and Diane for quite some time. And of course, I've known Shell and Lisa for about eight years, but the rest of the relationships amongst these five people are relatively new. But there is just something there that clicks.

I cannot think of a nicer way to spend an afternoon than the way I did today. Honestly. I find it to be refreshing, soul reviving, comfortable. The day was not without it's problems, but in its own way, that was part of the magic. No one can hold each other up, reaffirm our worth or remind us of the truth better than our girlfriends. And there is something powerful about that. I just find these relationships to be like no others I have ever had in my younger years and these are relationships that I would be totally unwilling to trade for anything else in the world. Our relationships with men are up and down, our kids grow up and move out, but our girlfriends are constant. That's the way it should be.

So anyway! Today was great! The usual group gathered today, including a few newbies to our circle! Diane learned to knit today. Now Diane informed me that if I took her picture again, she would "rip my lips off". I thought she was joking till I downloaded this picture and I'm thinking she is looking pretty serious about that little threat.....

Micki brought another spinning wheel for Shelley to experiment with as the spinning has been going pretty well for her!

JoEllen, who I did not get a decent picture of while I was doing all the knitting, talking, sharing and eating, was also interested in the spinning. Our next meeting in June will be at JoEllen's house and she has 11 Llamas!

The ever adorable Hobbes, decided to not only take up residence in my knitting bag but to also chew my yarn strand that I was working from. Lucky for him, he is so cute!

Our lady in yellow is Sheri, our other newcomer today. She told a friend she was coming to a Fiber Fanatics group and her friend asked, in all seriousness, "Are you all getting together to eat bran or something?"

So, as always, the company was marvelous, the atmosphere more than pleasant and the knitting fairly abundant! Diane did a great job starting off on her dishcloth, Lisa decided she really would put arm holes in her sweater, Kelly did a little knitting in addition to her kitty holding responsibilities and I believe a good time was had by all!

2006-03-29T22:05:00.000-05:00

You scored as Theater. You should be a Theater major! Like a bohemian actress, you are seasoned and confident and not afraid to express yourself!

Theater

92%

English

83%

Journalism

83%

Sociology

75%

Mathematics

75%

Philosophy

67%

Dance

67%

Psychology

58%

Anthropology

42%

Art

33%

Engineering

33%

Linguistics

33%

Biology

25%

Chemistry

What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3)
created with QuizFarm.com

Finished!

2006-03-28T22:28:00.000-05:00

Ya'll thought I fell off the face of the earth, didn't ya? No such luck and I am not in Paris with Laurie either, though I wish I were. No, have just been busy, busy, busy with spring cleaning, kids, knitting, work and all that stuff. However, I did manage to finish this:

I adore it. I carry it everywhere. It is the very first thing I have made for myself. Now, that bit of yarn beside it will hopefully be another, much smaller bag-like the ones that just hold your money and a few small things if you don't want to be overburdened during a wild shopping excursion....like Maryland Sheep and Wool! Which is coming up very soon! A whole day out with just the girls....it's like a dream come true!

On another front, I now have a second blog. But don't get too excited because I have sucked assboobie with updating on that one lately too. Actually, there is only one post there. It's a diet blog, as that is my other little project at the moment, but if that interests you at all, please feel free to check it out. The first post is a bit serious, but I'll lighten up soon. I promise. My plan was to use it as a food and exercise journal, but I've been at this eating right trying to exercise thing for a week now and have logged squat. Again, I'll improve.

No big news right now. The kids are away this weekend and I am SO looking forward to a little quiet downtime.

I will be more frequent in my updating! For sure!

A little catch up and a spinning b-day

2006-03-11T21:41:00.000-05:00

Okay, so...since I came on here a few nights ago in a bit of a panic, I suppose I should give the condensed version of what happened with the little boy. He did come and stay the night with us and Shell and I had a helluva time getting him to go to sleep. He was obviously scared and had no idea where he was, so who can blame him? By morning, neither the Brit nor myself had slept more than a couple of hours because the little guy woke up like every two hours. JJ was home sick, so I had to take them both to the church with me. Total mistake. The little guy got into everything so I spent most of my time going down the hall to the nursery to find out what he was doing. So, when we left to take JJ to the doctor's office, I decided I would just make up the time as it would have been useless to go back to work.

However, while I was at work, I did speak with DSS and they had found the mother. It seems that the mother had gone out with her father to do laundry and the child's father was supposed to be watching him. The child, of course, slipped out of the house and dad didn't realize he was missing until about 11:00 pm. I told DSS that I needed him to have a different foster family, effective immediately, but that we had been happy to help last night when it was rather late and the social worker was having so much trouble finding placement. I guess I'd better explain a few things.

When we signed up for foster care classes, we were in it to adopt. I do not have the kind of personality that could allow for a revolving door kind of thing for a few reasons. One being that I would get attached. I learned this the hard way a year ago when we had baby Noah for three weeks. That one took me about six months to get over and I was convinced I would die of a broken heart in the process. The second reason is that we, as a family, are now in a good place, for the most part. As you all know, we still have issues with Aaron, but both kids are in school full time, I work while they are there and am home every night. Everything now fits. But to throw a young child into the mix, just causes more havoc than I really want or need. Even for just under 24 hours, I had problems balancing and I thank God for the fact that Shelley was such a constant presence during the whole thing.

Anyway, when talking to the social worker, I found out that this child was not two years old but four years old and under-developed. Way under developed, in my opinion. He was very small, still binky dependent, and I'm not sure potty training had even been attempted with him. So, we spent the day together and by the afternoon DSS had another placement for him. They expected him to be able to return home in a matter of days providing both parents came back negative for drug use and that the doors were child proofed. So there you have that story.

Now, today! Today was our Fiber Bee (very similar to a Stitch 'n Bitch for you non-knitters.). Lisa had met a lady on the other side of the mountain who was looking to team up with some other knitters on a regular basis, so today was the day for our little group! Shell and I drove to Lisa's first and as today was Shell's 40th birthday, we had a few little surprises for her. (What I find really interesting is that all of us: Shell, Kelly, Lisa and myself, all turn 40 this year).

Lisa and I went together and bought Shell a swift. The first time she used my swift, she informed me that if she had one of those, she'd never leave the house. I assume she'll be resigning from her job on Monday.

I think she was surprised.

Then it was time for the ever-adorable (and apparently ever-hungry) Kelly's gift.

As Shell has just finished her first pair of socks, Kelly got her a sock book! It was just turning out to be a day all about the knitting.

But the best was yet to come.

This is Kelly's little foot modeling one of the completed socks....which was completed without the cost of a class (I simply had to add that).

During the whole gift exchange, Hobbes (Did I get it right?) was making every attempt to learn how to drink out of my straw.

And below is Miss Lisa modeling her hand-knitted sweater! I think it turned out perfect and I love the color! I am also suffering from sweater envy, but more on that remedy in a minute.

This I found rather funny and though it was placed up on the cupboard for the cat-sitter, it will also be a help to me in the Calvin-Hobbes department!

+

So then it was onto Micki's house for a spinning lesson for Shelley! For forever now, Shell has wanted to learn how to spin, but classes are very expensive and then of course, you have other students to contend with. However, Micki spins and was more than happy to give Shell her first lesson! The birthday girl even teared up once or twice. Lisa arranged this with Micki and it was the perfect gift!

To further add to the magic of Shell's day, Micki offered to loan Shell the wheel until our next fiber bee next month! Shell was still bubbling over the excitement of that one when we got home!

I'll have some more details about our day tomorrow, but for tonight, I'm tired and have a bit of a headache that wants to go to bed.

Happy Birthday, Shell!

So just a little news flash

2006-03-08T21:57:00.000-05:00

So. With all the kid excitement that has been in my life, here is another one for you. We just got a call from the social worker on call tonight. The police picked up a little boy, approximately 2 years old, wandering around City Park. The social worker needed a desperate placement and we, being the softies that we are, agreed to take him for the moment. The Brit is at the police station now with the worker to pick up the little guy and Shell, who is right now my hero, is on her way to the store to buy diapers and then stopping by here.

Of course, my question is....what parent does not know that their two year old is missing?

At the ropes end

2006-03-07T15:15:00.000-05:00

Okay, so here's the deal. If you are one of those people who firmly believe that there is no bad child, only bad parenting, then stop reading now. I'm questioning my parenting skills enough and I don't need anyone else to beat up on me. I'm having one of those days...no, actually one of those months that where my oldest child is concerned, I can hardly keep my head above the water. I'm angry, sad, frustrated and even a little bit bitter at biological parents for not getting things right when they should have. I'm feeling insignificant to handle the issues that this child has. Yes, he is starting therapy next week, but I still have to live with him. Don't get me wrong. I love him. There are just so many days when I don't like him much at all.

People have told me that we are doing all the right things. They have told me how far the kids have come since we've had them. I've been told by the most critical audience (married people who have no kids but seem to think they know how it should be done...aka my sister in law) that we know how to raise children. But you know what? None of that means two squats when days like yesterday happen. Days like yesterday are just one more reminder that maybe we just don't have it right yet. That all the lecturing and love in the world have not changed some things where this child is concerned. Aaron has been and remains every bit as self-centered as he was when he came to us. He remains every bit as untrustworthy as he was almost three years ago. He still holds a warped rationalization that things are so much more important than people.

I know all the logistics. I know that before this kid came to us that he had been through hell. He had been neglected and shifted from place to place. His little brother, thankfully was simply too young to remember most of it. But Aaron remembers even if he doesn't talk about it. I know that attachment disorders are highly likely in this kind of circumstance. I knew what we were getting ourselves into (at least to a certain extent) when we adopted this child. But we had delusions that we could make it better.

And maybe to an extent we have made it better. People comment on how much better he is now then he was then. He looks better. When he came to us, he did not look healthy at all. Now his face has a healthy glow and there is some color in his cheeks. To people he doesn't know very well, he is a model child. Friendly, sweet, loving. To those of us he sees all the time, the true colors come out.

I know it isn't his fault. His bioligical parents and family started screwing this kid over early. But today, I can't help but to want to cry out with the fact that I don't want to have to pay for those mistakes for the rest of my life. Damnit, it wasn't my fault either! And what really pisses me off as I deal with the issues that have been imposed on this child is that the biological great grandparents continue to place the bio-dad on a freakin' pedestal. For what? For finally getting his shit together? Who cares NOW? The damage has already been done and the Brit, Aaron and I are the ones who have to deal with the aftermath.

I have alot of trouble showing this child affection and that makes me feel like a terrible person. But he has kicked me in the teeth so many times by his words and actions that I feel like a hypocrit when I do force myself to show him affection. This is not the way I want to be. This is not what I want for myself or for Aaron. But it is so hard and I don't know where the common ground is. I can't find it.

I was talking to our interim pastor today about Aaron. About just how much work he is and pastor made the comment of "But is he worth it?" Of course, the answer is yes. The fact that Jesus died on the cross for each and every one of us makes us all worth it no matter what our issues are. Worth has nothing to do with it in my mind. I want to think that one day, when he is older, he will understand. He will understand what his bio-family did to him and he will understand how much we helped and tried to help him. but you know what my deepest fear is regarding this child? That he is so screwed up that day will never come. That I will forever be the enemy mom because I am the one who is here for him and his bio-mom isn't around for him to take out the aggression that he feels towards her. I'm afraid he will never be able to comprehend the bigger picture. I'm afraid that he will always feel the victim and therefore think that this world will always owe him. I'm afraid he will never find peace and the bottom line is that if Aaron doesn't find peace, I'm not sure that I will either.

Parenting is not for the weak. And parenting someone else's children is even harder. It's one thing when you get them young, like JJ was when he moved in with us. But when you get them with baggage the size of Aaron's bags? Well, right now it feels like the most difficult thing in the entire world. Sometimes I wish that somebody could tell me how to do this better. I wish that they could point out to me exactly what I'm doing wrong so that I can change it and it can be fixed for all of us. I'm sick to death of dinnertime lectures. The fact that I can't trust my own child disheartens me in a way I simply cannot put into words. And I can't even wrap my mind around a kid that only cares about material things. I also have trouble understanding the part of my own nature that feels angry with Aaron so often for making things so difficult, even though it isn't completely his fault.

I'm frustrated and short on answers today. Maybe you all have some.

Look mom! No class!

2006-03-03T21:10:00.000-05:00

So as you can see, Shell has finished her first ever sock! Taa Daa! And please let it be noted that she finished it with no class from the money whoring, cash sucking creton. Okay, so that was a little harsh, but I'm still a wee bit bitter. But really, people! The "take my sock class" woman has really blown it and ya know why?? Because I was going to take her sock class! But now, I don't have to because I know Shelley, my knitting mentor, will help me when the bravery to begin socks happens for me! But enough about class lady....Shell deserves a round of applause for finishing this puppy!

I have not had a real attractive day today. I have been battling the sinus infection from hell for well over a month now and for some reason, doctors nowadays, at least around here, don't like to give you antibiotics. My doctor prefers to tell me to use Afrin. Can I tell you how much I detest sticking anything up my nose? In fact, I just don't do it and instead just pray for the stupid infection to go away on its own. Well....that ain't happening! Though today my throat has not been as sore, I have had an earache in my currently deaf ear (This happens everytime I get sick. My right ear closes up and can take forever to open back up again). So I'm overly tired, overly stressed and the weekend is here which is actually not my favorite part of the week and I'll tell you why.

For some reason, the three men I live with like to try to take the two days of "rest" each week and make a game of turning the house on its ear. No one puts anything away (at least not without much bitching from me), but they all continue to drag things out. I already have laundry on the weekends, but then I either have to walk around behind these lazy buggers and pick up after them, or pretend to ignore it but then on Monday I have to start putting everything back together again in order for the whole vicious cycle to repeat itself the next weekend. The only good thing about the weekend is that I have finally put my foot down and have stated that I am no longer cooking on Saturday nights. No sir. With the new job that is all day work, I am home to cook every night (and I hate to cook) so come Saturday, it is mama's day off.

So anyway, back to my craptastic day. I'm also PMSing in a big way, on top of being ill so my patience is not exactly in full swing. The kids get home from school and where I enjoy them, there are days I want to change my name. Let them call me anything else other than "mom" or "mommy." Fifi will be fine. Or even Delores, though I've always like the name Jennifer personally. Anyway, my oldest son has this totally annoying habit regarding my name. Now, we can be the only two people in the car, in the house, in the universe and every sentence he says to me must start with "Mom." Now, okay, you're thinking that isn't so bad, but let me give you an example and please keep in mind that everytime he says "mom"...he waits for me to answer. Every. Time.

Aaron: Mom

Me: Yes?

A: What are we having for dinner tonight?

I reply with whatever is on the menu that evening.

A: Mom

M: (with a little sigh) Yes, Aaron.

A: Is there kid's club tonight?

M: (Thinking that he knows the answer to this as there is kid's club every Thursday night) Yes, Aaron. At 6:15.

A: Mom

M: (at this point, I am getting annoyed with the "mom"s and chose not to answer in hopes he will just carry on with his next thought.)

A: Mom

M: (again, silence)

A: Mom. Mom.

M: Yes, Aaron. Just talk. I'm listening.

People, this can go on for ten to fifteen minutes or longer! Drives me insane! And today was one of those "mom" days and I have a feeling the weekend is going to be one of those "mom" weekends. Is it Monday yet?

In knitting news, I have failed to take a picture of my WIP or rather my PIP (purse in progress) but I'll try to do that this weekend. The bag I am knitting, though not in the colors in the picture is the My Constant Companion from KnitKit.com. Though I am using purples, they are not the same as pictured and I think I actually like my colors a little bit better. I'm also debating if I want to knit mine up a bit taller than 17 inches to give myself more purse room. Though maybe smaller would be better as it may discourage me to put so much crap in my bag.

For any of you ipod owners out there, Cast-On is a fabulous knitting podcast. I enjoy listening to the host, Brenda Dane. She is funny and knowledgable and plays some pretty good tunes. If any of you are only using your ipod for music, you are really missing out on some good stuff where podcasts are concerned.

I'll leave you with two things. One being that the feline aphrodisiac continues at my house. Never knew a thing about this carrot business but there is obviously truth to it as Jonah here will tell you.

And the other thing is meet my cloud. If anyone is interested in a cloud for their blog, I can try to find the link again. I know I found it off the Harlot's site on one of her buddy's blogs. I just thought it was kinda cool.

What kind of yarn are you?

2006-02-27T21:12:00.000-05:00

You are Merino Wool.
You are very easygoing and sweet. People like to

keep you close because you are so

softhearted. You love to be comfortable and

warm from your head to your toes.

What kind of yarn are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Are hypocrits and judges really righteous?

2006-02-26T11:21:00.000-05:00

Or is it more like self-righteous?

While my anger is fresh, I have to comment on a few things. I think I spoke of the breakup at my church that happened in November of 2005 and those of you who know me, know probably even more detail about that whole thing. Since over half our congregation has split to begin their own church we have carried on. We are fewer, but those there are committed and everyone is jumping in to help. It's been a wonderful thing. Before, many of us were never really "permitted" to help. I have found out in the months since November that there were many of us who volunteered to help with things and we were simply ignored. Why? Because we were not part of the "in" crowd (honestly, I thought that mentality went out with high school!). So the folks who were stifled for so long, are now pulling at the reins to be involved and it is a beautiful thing.

The problem? The other church will not leave us alone.

They got mad at us when we had the locks on the church changed, but the reason we had the locks changed is because one man decided to come into the church and start removing artwork from the walls. The pictures in the church belong to the church. People who had left, were still coming in as money counters. Of course we needed to change the locks! They set the precedent for that to happen and then got angry when it did. They raised a big stink on how we told our former youth director his resignation would be accept beginning at the end of November. The youth director got mad and went and started all these rumors about how we were "kicking him out." No. He had made it perfectly clear where he stood in the ELCA debate and he had done some rather shady things. He resigned and apparently he resigned twice as we found out when he resigned with the previous council, he wanted his resignation in affect beginning the end of November. Wait...did I miss something here? He wanted the end of November but when we made it the end of November, he throws a fit. Interesting.

Since all of this has happened, I have had a former member come into the church to get his mail and to help himself to checking out our attendence. Former members have been making statements to others that our "church is closed." I could go on and on but today really took the cake. They now have a website and have decided to comment on us in that site. Basically saying that we are not a Bible believing church. Bottom line...another lie.

The Bible can be interpreted so many different ways. Just ask those who interpret it. One former member was very against our former youth director encouraging a female teen to become a pastor. Why? Because the Bible states that women should be silent in the church. Now, I have a different spin on this and then I will get back to this woman to make my point.

Years ago in Biblical times, the women were not educated. The Bible states that if the woman has a question, she should not ask her husband about it in church, but at home. Now, some take this to mean that there should be no female pastors. Fair enough. I can accept that. HOWEVER, if you are believing what the Bible says, that woman should be silent in the church, should they teach Sunday School? Should they be Lay readers? The woman raising a fuss about the youth wanting to be a pastor was a Sunday school teacher. Hello? Does this make sense to anyone else?

I know that many churches abide by the fact that women should be silent in the church and they abide by this in all ways. I can respect that, even if I don't agree with it. They are at least remaining consistant. But to pick and chose....you can't be a pastor but you can teach Sunday School? That makes zero sense to me.

Now, interestingly enough, the Apostle Paul says something before the bit about women being silent in the church. He states "And every woman who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head-it is just as though her head were shaved." The head covering part, in having a discussion with a pastor is probably derived from the times. All women covered their heads other than the prostitutes. Now, isn't the word "prophesies" alot like "preaching"? Let's see what Webster has to say...."prediction of the future, as by divine guidance." Makes sense to me.

So Paul, the same Paul who has said that women should be kept silent in the church, is saying that every women who prophesies covers her head. He isn't saying "if a man cannot stop her from prophesing" or "If she breaks the law and spreads God's word". No. He is basically saying "When".

The Bible contradicts itself all over the place. Because it was written by different people, spread out over many years. All these people were human and not perfect. The Bible has been rewritten. Do I believe it is the inspired word of God? Of course I do! But God, himself, did not write it and all the authors of the Bible were not together in one room to make sure everything written correlated to everything else. But in using just the example of whether or not females should be allowed to become ordained ministers, here is what I believe with my whole heart.

We were given the Great Commission. "Go therefore and make disciples of all nations." What God wants is for everyone to believe in Him. Do you really think that he is going to think ill of a woman telling about his Word? If a female dedicates her life to the Lord and in bringing people to the Lord, is God really going to think that is a sin? I, personally, cannot bring myself to believe that. Every soul won for God is a victory, whether it is won by a male or a female.

All we really want from those who left, is to leave us alone. Everything is now water under the bridge, so why keep being so hurtful? Oh, and do me another favor, will you? Don't question my faith and what I believe when you have never taken the time to sit down and discuss it with me. Most of you had no desire to know me or have me involved in my own church. I wasn't part of the "clique" and really didn't have any desire to be. I was there to worship and to go where God led me. He has now led me away from you and I can now understand why.

I resign and they win.....

2006-02-25T12:27:00.000-05:00

I resign as a parent. It has been a difficult fight and there have been moments of victory, but the oldest child is driving me bonkers.

Thursday night is Kid's Club at church and Aaron cannot usually go because he has scouts at nearly the same time. But this past week, the scouts were having their whatever it is called...the big pack meeting with a dinner, etc, so Aaron would be able to attend Kid's Club. Now, I had to lay down some rules before we left because this kid is one who feels he should be able to pick and chose what he participates in. So, I told him that if he was going, he would be participating in everything: the lesson, the music, the craft and the game. All the other kids participated, but Aaron would often prefer to fool around with the older kids who help run things and that can be distracting, so the lines had to be drawn.

He participated in the lesson (this is sheer hell as I am typing this with a rather large cat nestled between my arms and making things very difficult) with no problem and then the kids moved down the hall into the craft room. I help to run Kid's Club and Paula had asked me to take some digital pictures so we can post them to the church bulletin board, so I was a little late getting down to the craft room. When I got there, all the kids were hard at work on their craft with the exception of guess who? Right. So I asked him if he had finished already, thinking this was not out of the question for him and he said yes. Dumbass that I am, I believed him. So during the rest of the craft, he proceeded to do what he does best: annoy the teenage boys, but the older boys can handle him fairly well, so I didn't say much.

When the time came for the kids to move to the next room to play the game, I started to pick up everyone's finished crafts to take them to the snack room so they would remember to take them home. Aaron's craft was lying upside down on the table and when I picked it up, guess what I discovered. Right (You saw this coming...admit it). He hadn't done it at all. He was still in the room so I made him glue the pieces together while giving him a look that we would discuss this later.

Once home that night, the decision was made that due to his lying about participating (in church no less) he would not be permitted to attend the scout meeting/dinner the next night. He was crushed of course, but the lying issue has been ongoing and the consequences get a little worse each time. The next day, yesterday, I was feeling a bit sorry for him. I was over at the church when the dinner was being set up and it was going to be a festive affair. So I spoke to the brit about it, explaining about letting him go to the dinner but not letting him go to the movies on Saturday with JJ and I. The brit finally caved so I headed home to get ready to bake a required cake for the dinner.

Upon arriving home, I found a message on the machine from Aaron's teacher, telling me he had detention on Monday and she wanted me to call her so she could inform me of what happened. Already, I was seeing red. I called her to discover that darling Aaron, in playing a game on the playground that afternoon had punched a girl in the stomach. He hadn't hurt her, thankfully, but it was the principle of the thing. So we are right back to square one. No dinner with the scouts last night, no movie today.

This child will be starting therapy soon and to say I am anxious would be the understatment of the century. Bill Cosby had it right. Children are brain damaged. They do stuff, can't tell you why they do it, and then seem generally surprised when they are punished for the actions. It's maddening.

I should have stuck with cats and yarn.

Part 2...may not be suitable for some audiences

2006-02-21T18:14:00.000-05:00

Okay, on to part two as Blogger did not want to download all my pictures last night. Now, one cannot go to Lisa's house without mentioning the cats...as there are ten of them. You would have to be a non-cat person to not be able to appreciate how each cat is a character all in themselves. Though I am still in denial that there is any such thing as a non-cat person. I mean, what is there not to love?

Anyway, Lisa's cats. Either Calvin or Hobbes (the two of them need neon signs flashing over their heads that display their names. Strictly for my benefit, of course.) decided that the knitting crowd was boring the crap out of him, so he elected to do a little porn surfing....

(Even felines agree that Google is the number one search engine in the world.)

Now, not only did I learn things about knitting on Saturday, but I learned something about cats and carrots. Though this is not a well known fact, carrots act as an aphrodisiac to those of the feline persuasion. Little did I know, that Calvin/Hobbes was getting ready for some serious romance.

Of course, what is feline date night without a bit of foreplay first? And oh, by the way, these cats are swingers....if you know what I mean....

Apparently this these particular cats, anything goes. These two are engaged in a same sex relationship aka, a little gay kitty porn.

And as I only rated this submission as PG-13, I ceased to take pictures after the kissing started. Some things are just better left to the imagination. And Calvin/Hobbes definately has a look that clearly states "Do you mind?"

Now, knowing Lisa like I do, I know when reading this, she will be half laughing, half "Aww"ing and picking up these cats to tell them it just isn't true and that I just have a twisted sense of humor (which I do.) But all in good fun. Now, Lis...about that neon sign.....

A knitty weekend-Part 1

2006-02-20T21:41:00.000-05:00

Apparently, there must be two parts to this post as I have tried to download the last five pictures to Blogger and it keeps telling me to go to hell. Anyway! This past weekend! Lisa's! Knitting! All good!

We got there somewhere between 1-1:30 on Saturday afternoon and I gotta tell ya....Those afternoons, spent in Martinsburg, with these girls, are some of my very favorite moments. These girls are funny and caring and witty and smart and comfortable. There are no pretenses and I just find that so refreshing.

After catching up for the better part of an hour or two, knitting commensed while conversation continued (and as Lisa's husband asked us, "Is this the 'bitch' part of 'stitch 'n bitch'?") Everyone had a different project to work on and then of course everyone took the time to help each other (or at least those who know enough to actually be able to offer help beyond "Rip it out" or "I have no clue"...that would be me!)

This the start of Deanna's teddybear which to me resembled sock torture with the DPNs. But I'm sure he will be cute and will hopefully even have ears. (We were unable to find the ears in the pattern)

Kelly didn't do so much knitting as she did cat holding and playing, but that is just another one of her elements. This is Kelly with Calvin....or is it Hobbes....Lisa?

I really have no idea of what this is....needless to say, I did not take too many of the pictures. I think this is has something to do with Shell's knitting accessory bag from Macy's and some coffee being spilt on it that simply had to be cleaned off. After all, these bags are going for $250.00 at Macys.

Lisa is our lovely hostess with the mostest and the best damn crabcakes I have ever in my life eaten. Oh! and the cake was excellent as well...wait, the cake I was supposed to get a recipe for??

Kelly again, this time with Hobbes....or is it Calvin?

I was working on My Constant Companion and Kelly was helping me pick up stitches (which still scares me) while Shell worked on her sock....the one she is not taking a class for.

A good time was had by all, there was much talk of assboobies, and plans to all go to Maryland Sheep and Wool together. We also need to get together again, long before that!

Okay, part two a bit later...it's getting late.

Due to exhaustion tonight....a list!

2006-02-16T22:16:00.000-05:00

I am really trying to keep up with this blog thing better, but today has been a day when I have not stopped. At all. Plus, my throat is sore and I'm praying to be completely well in the morning as opposed to feeling like crap. SO! With that being said, here is a little list that I am thinking up as I go, of things I am addicted to. Oh and I define "addicted" as anything I really, really like.

The internet. I have been a web junkie since I got my first piece of crap computer.
The television show "Related." If you have not watched this, you are missing something (though if you are easily offended it may not be the best show for you to watch.). I find it very funny and at times it has made me cry.
Chocolate. 'Nuff said.
My Valentine gift: an ipod Nano. I love it. Podcasts are awesome.
Photography. I love taking pictures. Sadly, since getting my digital camera and blogging, I have not been using my 35mm much and I need to remedy this situation soon.
YARN! I can't believe this was not number one, but hell, these are not in any particular order. Yarn is a disease and a need that cannot be controlled. I've tried. I've failed.
Knitting! Though I have done very little of it this week. It's the prayer shawl and the rather dull pattern and the fact that I don't have another project going (that I can face) at the moment. I want to remedy that this weekend at Lisa's.
American Idol. Yes, I am a junkie for this show. I love it all, from the first audition to the final vote. I love Simon as well and Paula and Randy. Simon used to offend me. Now I find that I agree with him most of the time.
My girlfriends. I love you guys! All of you! From the knitters (Shell, Lisa, Kelly and Deanna) to the non-knitters, (Paula, Robyn, Andie), you all rock my world and listen to me whine and laugh and cry with me. I love you all!
A good sappy love story. It can be a book or a movie, but either way, if it includes all the elements; characters you care about, a handful of tears and a happy ending, then I am perfectly content.
Singing. I am far from the best singer in the world, but I love, love, love to do it. I don't think I'm offensive at it, as if I were after singing on the praise band at church for about 7 years now, someone would have told me I suck. I just get such joy from it. It makes me happy.

Okay, that is all for night. I'm headed to bed a bit early in the hopes of feeling wonderful tomorrow morning. The kids are away this weekend and I have big plans on both Friday night and Saturday....and it all involves those marvelous girlfriends I mentioned!

"The Incredible Journey" or "And Then There Were Six"

2006-02-15T21:23:00.000-05:00

First off, can I just say that Blogger has been ticking me off tonight? Slow does not begin to describe it. Now, on with our regularly scheduled program.

Let's go back a few months...back before Christmas and Thanksgiving....even back before Halloween and back to about a week before I broke my arm. It was a normal chaotic morning at my house, trying to get the boys off to school so I can breathe that long sigh of relief I always breathe when they are successfully ushered out the front door in time to catch the bus. I had nearly achieved success that morning, when the front door was flung back open and nearly in unison, the boys exclaimed, "Mom! Come quick!"

So, I high-tailed it out the front door to find a cat and not one, but three kittens who had taken up residence on our front porch set. Mama cat was a diluted tortoise shell and one of the kittens looked just like her. There was also a little tabby boy and a little cr-eam colored girl. Now, these were not little tiny kittens, these were at least 8-10 weeks old, which led me to believe that they had been dumped on my porch by someone who might know that (at the time) I worked in a veterinary hospital. Insane woman that I am, I fed them and after careful inspection and clearly able to see that the mama and her kittens were crawling with fleas, I purchased flea treatment for them as well. Then it was time to try to find homes.

Though I didn't know it at the time, I had a week to achieve success before things would become much more complicated. The mirror image of mama went to a girl at work and is now called "Patches". The tabby boy vanished about two days after they appeared on my porch and I refuse to believe anything other than that he was so cute someone adopted him. The final kitten went to my friend, Paula and is now called "Lily" aka "Baby girl" and the entire family is hopelessly in love with her. Finding a home for mama was going to much more difficult for despite the fact that she was a beautiful as well as affectionate cat (again, my theory comes into play that she was dumped as she was certainly not feral), she was still an adult cat and so many people want cute little kittens.

I had started to resign myself to the fact that she would just stay with us and be our one and only outdoor cat, though that is not generally something I believe in, however, I already had five cats in the house. I did not want another kitty no matter how much I love them. I decided I would have her spayed and vaccinated and she would happily live outside. We set her up a warm box with a little heater on the porch as well as blankets and she slept in there. A week after her arrival, I broke my arm.

Now, we all know how that turned out. I couldn't work, couldn't drive and then the evil Jenni fired me. (is calling her "evil" judgemental or am I just stating a fact?) Mama cat continued to reside on the porch, always here for meals and to get some affection. During my whole broken arm episode, I was upstairs one evening, when I heard a bunch of commotion downstairs and then the Brit was calling out that he needed some help. Going downstairs, what I found was that mama cat had managed to get into the house and Hannah had her cornered in the kitchen. Mama was not showing any aggression towards Hannah, who was growling as if her life was being threatened. The Brit was trying to get hold of either Hannah or Mama without getting scratched or bitten. I walked into the kitchen, after summing up the situation and just crooned out, "Mama." She looked up at me and just gave a pitiful little meow that was clearly a call for rescue. I was able to scoop her up in my one usable arm and take her back outside.

What I did not know at the time was that Mama had a plan.

She continued to be a constant presence once my cast came off. She was on the front porch for breakfast and after eating, she would scurry around the house to the back porch, where she would jump up into the window at the kitchen so she could socialize with us as we had our breakfast. The five felines inside would take turns jumping into the chair nearest the window to growl and Jonah was convinced he could dig a hole through glass if he just tried hard enough. Once breakfast was finished, Mama had a morning exercise regiment of leaping up onto the trampoline in the backyard and jumping around. I. Kid. You. Not. The cat would bounce on the trampoline.

I started my jobat the church in mid-January and about two days after starting work, Mama failed to show up for dinner. Not once but two nights in a row. This was not normal behavior. Mama was a fan of food (as is her human mama) and for her not show up could only mean one of a couple of options. I comb the neighborhood for her, but was relieved to not find her...you know...lying along side the road. I called her to no avail and finally broke down and called the SPCA. Yep. They had her. And they had the nerve to be calling her "Tiffany."

So, I had to go and interview to keep my own stray. My first request of the Humane Society was that she go up for adoption. She was a sweet cat and deserved a good home, but they could not guarentee she would even go onto the adoption floor. If the floor was full once her quarentine period (for rabies) was up, she would be euthanized. Well, no matter how much I did not want another cat, Mama being euthanized was simply not an option. So, I had to interview and explain how I knew Mama and all that had transpired since.

Weeks passed and I was starting to wonder if the SPCA had decided that I didn't need another cat and had simply put Mama down. That was not news I wanted to hear, so I purposely did not call them, but waited to see if I heard anything. Finally, last week, they called. I was approved, Mama was going for spaying the following week and I could then pick her up.

Today, I brought Mama, who has now been dubbed "Grace", to her forever home. See, Grace always knew where she wanted to be and I am convinced she planned the whole thing. She had made it clear that she wanted to be inside my house, but with my arm being broken, not only could I not get her to a vet, even for feline leukema testing, but as I was unemployed, I couldn't really afford to get her spayed. So, Grace just pressed the issue. As friendly as she is, I know she probably walked right up to the Animal Control guy to ask for a ride to the shelter. She knew I would miss her and she knew I would try to find her. She waited to do this once I had started working again. So now we are a rather insane six cat family. Grace has spent her first day in the spare bedroom with her own litterbox, food, toys and a bed. The other cats have been sniffing her under the door and hissing has commenced and the two children have spent most of the evening entertaining Grace. She is a complete lovebug and I guess she just knew all along that I would cave.

Cats are smart that way.

Someone's gettin' a little big for their knitted britches

2006-02-06T17:25:00.000-05:00

So....if a knitter purchases their yarn, their dpns, and their pattern from their LYS and then a few weeks later comes into the same LYS and has a question as she has been stuck with the pattern (which was the pattern WRITTEN by the lady at the LYS) would one expect to get an answer that sounds anything like "Well, you should sign up (and pay more money) to take my sock class."??

This happened to a friend of mine....we'll call her....Mel. Yes, Mel is attempting her very first pair of socks and when she got to the turning of the heel flap, she ran into trouble. She has spent time trying to figure it out, but then decided that perhaps the best way to go would be to ask the one who wrote the pattern, but the above was the answer she received.

Now, I know that folks have a business to run. I understand that, but in my limited experience, knitters are a whole 'nother brand of people. They are good people, who love nothing more than to be around other knitters, talking about knitting while knitting. This is the beauty of it. A knitter does not necessarily need a CLASS just to get a question answered. As a knitter, one would expect that another knitter, who possesses the knowledge to answer the question would just gladly answer it.

Let's put this into perspective, shall we? I have gotten pretty darn handy with Microsoft Publisher despite the fact that two weeks ago I was afraid to touch it. But I finally put my best foot forward, played around with it and managed to put out a pretty dog-gone looking church newsletter. Now, if another church secretary called me as lets say, they had just gotten Microsoft Publisher and they had a little question, should I say, "For a small fee, I will gladly answer that question."? No, of course not. But then again, I have these high expectations of just thinking people will do the right thing. What life has been teaching me, however, is that very often, they do not (fire people who break arms, leave the church if we don't get our way, etc).

Just do the right thing, people! Now, go figure, my friend, Mel? Has offered to teach anyone at my church who wants to participate in the prayer shawl ministy to knit. For free. Simply for the joy of knitting and for the purpose of sharing knowledge. (and yes, I could also do this, but I am not a very good teacher. Just ask Robyn). This same LYS owner told me that for a small fee, she would be happy to teach any would-be knitters at my church. And I didn't even ask her to do it before she volunteered to charge me. All I did was make mention (to another friend, not even to the shop owner) that I was working on a prayer shawl as we were trying to get that up and running at church. Then the shop owner offered me this "favor".

If people would just do the right thing, the good thing, the whole world would just be a much nicer, not to mention safer, place to live. But how can we expect people to stop murdering other people, if we can't even expect the owner of a yarn store to answer a question about knitting? How much smaller can we possibly start in order to make changes? How long before children are asking for a small fee to tell us where they have been the last hour? But then again, I don't want to give my kids any ideas.

Okay, okay, stop fussing

2006-02-04T20:22:00.000-05:00

Just a quick question....if any of you bloggers out there have any idea how to rearrange pictures once you get them uploaded to your blog, please send me a memo. Obviously it is a PEBKAC issue, but I don't know how to solve it. Oh, what is a PEBKAC issue? "Problem exists between keyboard and chair."

Okay, so Shell bought me this book for Christmas called "Knitting into the Mystery" in which I have been well engrossed. It's all about the prayer shawl ministry and as my church is in desperate needs of some female fellowship/ministry, myself and another lady are going to introduce it. First however, I need to knit up a sample of shawl which I cast on this afternoon:

Of course, that is Hannah being obsessed with the yarn in the corner of the picture. She and Micah are the felines that have me convinced that "knitting" and "kittens" really don't go together all that well.

This is what I have just finished up for my physical therapist, Laura. It's one of those drop stitch scarves and I even added fringe. Of all the scarves I have done, this is finally one I am totally happy with. With the others, I could always so easily see the mistakes, but in this scarf, any mistakes are fairly well concealed.

Friday and Saturday have been wonderful days for me in terms of finally getting to spend some time with my girlfriends! (I figure that once one is married, either with or without children, they can safely refer to their female friends as "girlfriends."). Friday, Paula and I went to lunch after working on the bulletin for the combined service at church on the 12th. For those of you who don't know, Paula is the music director at my church and one of my dearest friends. It was nice to be able to catch up, discuss problems and successes with kids and complain about husbands and all the things we do when together.

Then, yesterday, Shelley the enabler, decides to inform us all that Y2Knit is having a yarn sale in honor of Super Bowl Sunday (which is a really good idea in my book as I despise football and if nothing else, I can participate by sitting in the same room with the game and knitting). So, of course, that meant a plan. So Lisa suggested we meet for breakfast, and then hit the store nearly as soon as it opened (this was in leiu of camping out on the porch of the shop in order to be the first ones inside and thus getting the very best possible selection of sale yarn.). So, we met at Bob Evans at 9:00 (knitting Kelly, I'll get to you in a minute) and had a good laugh over the fact that we were all awake early, despite our usual complaints when we have to get up early. Something about breakfast with friends, followed by yarn just makes waking up early on a freaking Saturday a worthwhile thing.

We were also forced into amusement by the fact that Shell decided to wear her egg yolk on her cornflower blue sweater. The other amusing part of the story was when she stuck her chest out as far as it would go to ask "Can you tell?"

Lisa was loving her coffee, though we had cream issues with Ja-nice, who couldn't seem to remember that we had asked for cream. Of course, our waitress couldn't remember we had ordered breakfast either as it was nearly 50 minutes before we got it (this was after ordering) and we were beginning to become worried that all the good yarn would be gone.

Shell also brought along her spindle in hopes of getting a clue as to how to use it. I personally cannot begin to understand a need to spin. I mean, yes, the Harlot spins some lovely wool. So lovely, that I would love to KNIT it. I love knitting. I love the ability to take a fiber and make it into a scarf or a hat or a shawl. But to spin....you make....YARN. Then you have to make the yarn into something. I know that somebody has to do it, but I just don't think it is me. But hopefully, Shell will eventually find help with her spindle and get it all worked out and then she can spin me some lovely yarn to knit with.

I had a few purchases today. When we finally got the shop it was rather busy and they didn't have as much on sale as they did for their last sale. But, I committed myself by buying sock yarn. Socks scare the hell out of me. As Lisa says, a sock in progress looks like a torture device and it does but for some reason, the urge to knit socks has been with me nearly since I started knitting. So once the shawl is done, I may think about the socks....while I knit a hat or scarf or something safe. This fear must be overcome in stages.

Oh and only 92 more days until the Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival!

Reasons and things

2006-01-18T21:52:00.000-05:00

I had a friend years ago in high school, who was a bit depressed alot of the time. His response if he was asked what the matter was, was "Reasons and things." So I settled on that little quote as the title for this blog, because THINGS are going extremely well and I have a list of top REASONS why working as my church's secretary is WAY better than working for the dictatorship....er....veterinary hospital.

The dress code. I can pretty much wear whatever my heart desires. Jeans and sweatshirts or sweaters, sweats....anything!
The hours. No more nights or Saturday mornings. No more wondering what time I might get home because the doctors are running behind. I can get my kids on the bus and be home way before they get out of school, which brings me to the next reason...
Convenience. Snow day? School cancelled? I either work from home or take the kids in with me. Summer vacation? The kids can pack up a backpack 'o toys and play in the nursery for the four hours I work. It's all good.
My boss. My boss totally rocks and I know he wanted me to take the job and is pleased that I followed his direction this time without him having to hit me over the head (figuratively speaking).
I have my very own office. Hell, at the vet's office, I was lucky to have a chair.
One of my dearest friends, Paula, is the only other paid employee other than myself.
I have been told what a "blessing" it is for them to have me. Though I disagree with this, explaining that I have barely a clue what I am doing yet, the church administrator disagrees with me. They are just as pleased for me to be there as I am to be there. Wow, what a concept. Jenni, you might want to give these folks a call as you could use a few lessons in valuing employees. No, you don't have to constantly compliment them, but just a simple "Good morning" when you enter the building would be nice.
The dress code. Yes, it was also my first reason, but it is a favorite of mine. I don't go home covered in animal....stuff. I can go home and do stuff in the same clothes I wore to work and not have to be concerned with giving my cats fleas or any other weird illnesses.
The sense of accomplishment and well being I have. Though it is true that I have a ton to learn, I know I am in the right place for the first time ever in my working career. It is a wonderful feeling, and I even find myself being more patient at home when the kids are making me insane.
I no longer have to miss any of my favorite shows because I am working. I can be home every night, knitting in front of American Idol, House, CSI or Related.

So there you have it and yes, it has been a very pleasant week. The mouse on the church computer died today, so I switched my agenda to cleaning. Wow, the stuff that was in that place that was totally outdated....amazing.

I have cast on the motherguiltscarf and have worked twenty or so rows of it, but the carpal tunnel in my right hand has been horrible the last few days, so knitting has been a bit limited. But I will get it all done along with the other projects that I have lined up for myself. I love yarn and needles. There is just something wonderful about making something for someone that exceeds buying a gift. It's a symbol of love and caring that seems to go beyond the store bought gift. I'm not knocking those of you who shop at the store for gifts as I do it too, but I know I have always loved getting something that someone made for me, whether it be a handmade card or scarf or floral arrangement. It is just a very new and novel thing for ME to be able to create gifts! ME, the uncreative disaster can make scarves for people! One day maybe the newness of it will rub off, but I hope not.

Random Musing and Catching up....

2006-01-13T20:00:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I need to get better with this updating thing. It would probably actually do me good to write down so many of the thoughts that tend to go through my head when I am alone in the shower or in the house, but then, I don't like to talk too terribly much about religion or one topic in particular. However, the fact remains, that the business with my church remains a rather hot topic.

We have recently been part of an exodus of sorts. A few people got together and decided that they didn't like some things the way that they were, and they found some followers and they told two friends and they told two friends and so on and so on (Remember that commercial? I forget what it advertised.). Before long, it all came down to a vote that we were all sure would go through though a handful of us, at the very least did not fully agree. The reason I did not fully agree with the "other sides" agenda, was because their agenda apparently included negative, homophobic remarks being made in front of me. Their agenda included half truths and some lies. I knew that if these kinds of behaviors were exceptable to what they believed, then I could not be party to it. It went against the things I believed with my whole heart.

The vote did not go through as the other side needed a two-thirds majority but instead of standing behind their words of "Whatever happens today, we know it is God's will", they just packed up their toys and left. They started their own church and untruths continue. The remainder of people at my church have been referred to as "lost souls", and "homosexuals and natzis." Nice. Real Christian-like behavior, eh? So my chuch is now starting over and I feel both priviledged and humbled to be a part of it. See, I believe things a little bit differently. Yes, God destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah, and then many years after that , He gave us the Ten Commandments. Notice how that gay thing didn't make the top ten. Now, I am not saying it is not a sin, but what I do think is that years later, when Jesus walked the earth, in his infinite wisdom, he knew the kind of crap we would try to pull years after that. He knew how judgemental we would become and that is why he gave us the "Eleventh Commandment" of "love one another as I have loved you." What a great piece of advice that is. We are never going to have all the answers until we come face to face with our creator, but until that time, I prefer to treat everyone with respect, regardless of their color, religion or sexual preference. Okay, enough said about that.

The new year is shaping up, I think. The in-laws have returned to England, the decorations have come down and the basement has been cleared out. I spent a nice, quiet day today for the most part, in preparation for starting my new job on Monday. Hard to believe that I have been off work for three months! But the arm is healing well and even my PT is nearly at a close.

The last three nights, I spent time rereading a story that I had written with a friend a few years ago. Every now and again, the urge hits me to revisit this particular story, because of the great affection I have for it and because I think it was so well done. Even knowing it almost by heart, I still find my eyes clouding up at certain parts and a lump forming in my throat after a rather sad chapter. The thing about rereading this story is the longing I have to go back to that time. It was a time of excitement and exploration, of writing with a friend that I have never met in person, and of working diligently to expect more out of myself where the written word is concerned. My co-writer helped me to be better, she challenged me and I find myself terribly homesick for that time. There was something magical about it. I have always felt that we wrote incredibly well together, but it seems that there are some times in life that you just cannot go back to, no matter how much you wish you could. If I knew of a way to recapture the chemistry we had in writing together, I would do it in a heartbeat. The problem is that I get way too attached to characters and have great difficulty letting go. I would also be very content to work on something with this co-author that was completely original if I only had the courage to ask her about it. I hate to nag or beg. So I continue to live in the past where this is concerned, but it has definately consumed a part of my life the last few days. (Told ya in the title that this blog would be random).

So knitting! Right! Yes, I still do that! However, the projects I want to work on keep getting interrupted by the projects I am asked to do. I knitted a lovely pink fuzzy scarf for a dear friend for Christmas. My mother saw it and fell in love with it and asked me to knit her one and of course, I said I would. My MIL decided to knit it for me, which would have been fine, but she knits her scarves way wider than I would. So she finished this really wide scarf, which my mother said she loved, but then later told me it was too wide and heavy for her and would I knit her another one. So all the wasted yarn and the pink fuzziness I was rather fond of, I am now sick of and still need to knit another pink scarf! In the meantime, Purl's Crazy roll brim hat remains unfinished as well as the cabled newsboy cap and a cast on scarf for my physical therapist and to make matters even worse, I bought some wonderful soft alpaca yarn (because I am an alpaca WHORE) to make myself a scarf, but none of this can be accomplished because if I do any of it, before the mom-scarf, the guilt will eat at me alive and suck all the knitting joy out of those projects! What is it about mothers and that guilt shit?

I am vowing to get over my fears in the next few months. Fears of what, you may ask? Fears of using two different colors of yarn on one project (okay, fine, they are silly, useless fears, but fears for me just the same. Don't judge me) and my purse fear. Once they are conquered, I vow to move onto socks and mittens. I will, I will! From there, knitted lace and the world is mine!

Lisa has been a felting fool and I adore the bags she has made. Shell finished her lace shawl that I also love, so I need to catch up to my knitty girls. Oh and as I obviously suck at answering email, Kelly, you are quite welcome for the party invitation! I wish you could have stayed longer, but there is a stitch n bitch in the works for February! YAY!

I will try to be more diligent about updating and about really including knitting on this knitting blog (though it is my blog and I can talk about what I want to). Happpy Friday to all!

2005. The Year in Review

2005-12-31T17:01:00.000-05:00

As the old year slowly fades into a brand new one, I always like to reflect on the year gone by. I must say, that though there were many happy points about 2005, overall, it was a year of loss and of change. No one of great significance to my life passed away, but it was still a year of unwanted losses. I certainly can't look back on it and regret any of it completely, but it still feels as if there were a few injustices done in 2005.

1) Baby Noah, the boy's half sibling came to live with us for three weeks as a foster child. We picked him up from the hospital at three days old and despite sleep deprivation, I fell madly in love with this dear little soul. We had great hopes of him joining our family, much in the same way as Aaron and Jarrit did, but it was not to be. The judge ruled for Noah to go live with his mother's cousin, in an arrangement that would allow the birthmother to have and see him whenever she wanted to, which was the same thing that had happened with the boy's little sister. Knowing what I knew, and given the fact that our social worker that time chose to not see that any of the lawyers had that bit of information, I wrote a letter to the judge to tell him all that I knew. No, it would not give back the fact that Noah was picked up the same day as the ruling and now, almost a year later, we have not seen him since, but it did cause the judge to send copies of my letter to all the attornies involved. In turn, the attornies sat down with their respective clients (the birthparents and the cousin) and told them what THEY now knew. Noah's placement was from that point on, handled by the books with no "unscheduled" visitations. At least now, as far as I know, the birthmom has remained drug free and now has not only Noah, but her daughter back as well.

2) My termination from the veterinary hospital due to the fact that I had broken my arm. I no longer hold any anger at Jenni, only sympathy. Only someone so insecure in herself could possibly gain any satisfaction by treating employees the way that she does. I do miss working there; the staff, the pets and the owners, but God always opens a window when he closes a door and now I think that he simply didn't want me in a place that was controlled by a man who prefers to boast himself a christian rather than act like one. Yes, that statement is probably a bit judgemental, but I also believe it to be the truth.

3) The exodus that took place at my church and the respect I lost for so many people that I had always respected. People who believe that their way is the only way, in my opinion, seem to forget that God is the only true way. He guides our paths differently, but never did Jesus show any intolerance to any person or groups of people.

Though there were only three losses, they were all significant in their own way. Each taught me something however, so I have never considered any lesson learned to be a bad thing altogether.

In looking back at 2005, the very best thing to come out of it is friendship. Friendships rekindled (mostly due to knitting! Thank you, knitting!) and new friendships made. Then there are the friendships that continue, as tried and as true as ever. I've always been a pretty good judge of character and I chose my friends carefully. Not because I'm a snob or anything like that, but only because I want the real thing. I've had my fill in the past of one way friendships and now that I am older, I prefer the comfortable friends. The relationships where you are called to be no more than just yourself because that is good enough. I love to step foot into a friend's home and it it is comfortable it feels like my own. It had nothing to do with decor, but with the people who reside there and the way they make you feel. No judgements occur within those walls. Only kindred spirits and warm hearts.

On this New Year's Eve, I wish you all no bad experience without a life lesson to accompany it. I wish you places to dwell that are as comfortable as picking up a pair of knitting needles and yarn, and knitting in front of a warm fire while in the company of good people, good feelings and a sense of peace to tie it all together.

I'm Ba-ck!

2005-12-16T15:07:00.000-05:00

Well, just when I got a handful of readers, I broke my arm and now ya'll probably have given up on me. In case any of said readers are indeed still present, I am recovering nicely. The brace is off my arm and I have started physical therapy. The really good news is that I can now type with two hands once again!

My job in its infinate wisdom...well, in the bitch's infinate wisdom, elected to terminate me while I only had one arm, though they so kindly extended the invitation for me to reapply once I was "fully recovered." Illegal? Discriminatory? Unfortunately, they are covered as I was part-time and therefore didn't have any unpaid medical leave. Though the questions still remain as to why she waited five weeks to send me my termination letter and why she waited until almost two weeks after I had taken her a note to return to work providing I did not use my left arm. But there are petty, immature people in the world who lack in social and interpersonal skills and in a way, I simply have to pity them. There are those people in the world who feel that just because you work for them, you then become their doormat and the good Lord simply did not make me doormat material and due to that fact, I shall not be reapplying.

Speaking of God, the whole plan has now unfolded. Let me preface that by saying, that yes, this is a knitting blog and yes, I am a cussin' Christian and no, I try not to cram the fact that I have tremendous faith in God down anyone's throat. I am not a holier-than-thou Christian, nor am I a "talk the talk but don't walk the walk" Christian. I will not preach to anyone, thou I have discussed my faith with others in the past and will do in the future. But I am also not a "do as I say, not as I do" type of Christian either. I guess what I am trying to say is that I don't believe in judging anyone for anything as that is simply not my job and I do not consider myself "better" than anyone else because I am a Christian, especially as I have met some rather dodgy Christians lately.

Anyway, the plan! I have learned by past experience that everything that happens in my life is for a reason so when I broke my arm, I didn't question things or feel too terribly sorry for myself, though I did have a few moments of frustration. When my job fired me, though angry, hert and betrayed at first, I didn't dwell on it, because I KNEW that there was a greater purpose. I just had to wait for it to unravel. Well, last week, it did. Our church secretary resigned. Twenty hours a week, flexible hours, option to work at home if needed, paid vacation and I'm not working to fill anyone else's pocket, but to further my very own church! Thankfully, God always has a plan as often I don't have a clue.

So, knitting! YES! I can do it now! I even managed to finished my mother-in-law's scarf a few days before she and my FIL got here for the holidays! It's a drop-stitch scarf that turned out very well, if I must say so myself.

And here is the MIL with yes, that little tiny kitten I posted pictures of awhile back. They do grow up so fast!
Currently on my needles is this fuzzy scarf for my sister-in-law in England. It needs to be finished by the time my inlaws leave on January the 11th. I'm loving every stitching moment of it!
Now, because I am obviously semi-retarded, the picture I took of the tree, I forgot to rotate before I posted it here. Once it has posted, I have no clue as to how to rotate it. But TREE!
And this is Miss Alex trying to blend in with the ornaments on the tree. Actually, she is trying to be invisible to the other cats so they don't try to play with her. And my little mantle with the Christmas Dickens Village and my homemade garland.
I'm sure I will be posting again before Christmas hits, though I am still playing catch up from not being able to drive. I still have shopping, wrapping, etc to do and time to spend with my inlaws (I am one of those blessed people who adore their inlaws). But, I hope a few of you are still around and that your holidays are perfect!

Just a little post

2005-11-05T21:20:00.000-05:00

Soooo.....healing is a slow and miserable process. I am happy to report that the spasms have stopped, thank goodness and that the plaster cast has been removed. In its place I have a brace that will hopefully one day allow for mobility, but as of right now the nicest thing I can say about it is that it is lighter. I had wonderful visions of knitting when I lost the plaster, but my hopes were quickly dashed when this happened:

You may not be able to tell so much by the picture, but my hand resembles a claw as it is so swollen I cannot even move my fingers much. They say this is normal and will improve as the break heals, but the swelling in my hand is the gauge for my mood, or so it seems. I have been off work for three weeks now, can do moderate cleaning, but no driving and knitting is a no go due to the claw. I have been watching way more tv than I enjoy and just to add insult to injury (literally) my delightful boss has informed me that she cannot guarentee my position until the doctor releases me to full duty on December 19th. (Because we all know that I am a spiteful bitch and broke my arm, have suffered hours of pain, boredom and depression just to inconvenience said boss. I'm sneaky that way.) Nevermind that I actually work during my twenty hour work week, have called in sick three times in two years and took a $1200 class at my own expense to allow me to perform my job better, thus making them look better by having knowledgable people working for them. Nah. All irrelevant. I had the nerve to break my arm. Go figure.

So I now have to resort not only to one-handed typing and sleeping in a chair in the living room (again, all to piss off the boss lady) but I am forced to only be able to gaze longingly at my yarn stash and my WIPs. One day, I am hoping to finish this scarf which is intended to be a Christmas present:

But also my cabled newsboy cap:

And I wonder why I am depressed. Everything takes longer with one hand. Used to take me two minutes to get dressed. Now it takes me twenty, because putting on a sports bra (real bras with real clasps are out of the question, as are buttons and zippers) and a shirt overtop a bulky, velcro laden brace where everything gets hooked on the elbow takes forever. I could go on and on, but I won't.

I do want to say a few huge thank yous to Shell and Lisa for all their help and company. Shell stops by every Monday afternoon to chat and listen to me whine and Lisa takes me to lunch and to buy yarn, aka eye candy. Today, they both took me to a craft fair and to lunch. For someone who has had her freedom taken away in not being able to drive, these things have meant the world to me. I love you both dearly.

I'll end with some cuteness. Micah is growing but is a perfect little sweetheart. He sleeps with me in the chair every night.

On a little hiatus

2005-10-20T17:59:00.000-04:00

No, I have not vanished off the face of the planet. I have, however, broken my left arm and am looking at a 6-8 week recovery period. So as one-handed typing is a bit maddening, I will try to post some pictures periodically....of things I would LIKE to be knitting. I'm hoping the once the muscle spasms cease, I can explore the possibility of knitting with a cast.

Rent, and airports and yarn...OH MY!

2005-10-11T18:05:00.000-04:00

Let me first say that the Broadway musical "Rent" has been made into a movie that opens next month and that I am terribly excited about it. Excited enough to have spent $27 dollars on the movie soundtrack yesterday, though I already have the B-way one and 90% of the cast is the same as the one on the original soundtrack, which is the same cast I saw on B-way. It's all good! Very exciting!

Yes, I know. It has been quite awhile since I have bored you all with my presence. I have just been insanely busy and trying to get it all accomplished while maintaining some form of sanity at the same time. Today would be a prime example.

The Plan: Today, I did not have to work. Today, the Brit was leaving for Atlanta for three days on business. The plan was for Shelley to come over after dropping her youngest son off at school and from there, we would find a place to have breakfast. My ulterior motive was to then kidnap her and take her to Chambersburg as there is a yarn store there I have not yet had the enjoyment of seeing. That was the plan and it was off to a fairly decent start. The Brit had a moment of panic this morning at not being able to find his wallet, but after sending Aaron out to the car, the wallet was discovered (and left at the Brit's instruction) in the center console of the car. So, the Brit left. Miss Shelley arrived. The kids left for school. We had coffee and then I rushed out the door to a meeting at the school that would be brief and then upon my return we would head off to breakfast. I left Shell with cats and yarn, knowing she would be plenty occupied.

The hitch in the plan: Upon returning from the school, the phone rang. Seems the Brit left his wallet in the center console of his car....which was in Hagerstown and he was now at BWI airport. His first instruction was that he wanted me to retrieve the wallet and have it overnighted to him in Atlanta, until I reminded him that I didn't think he would be permitted to board the plane without identification. Airlines are, after all, a little funny about that. Most of the airport employees kind of frown upon letting unidentified persons on board their aircraft. Go figure. With a hurried "I'll call you back." the Brit apparently went to validate this theory of mine, warped though it may be, because obviously, if you have a smooth British accent and a nice smile and big brown eyes, anyone in their right mind would allow him to board a plane without a driver's license or passport. Hmmm. Apparently, this does not always happen.

After another dead end, it became apparent that I would need to retrieve the wallet....the same one that had gone missing this morning that had been traced to the center console in the car...and then haul butt to Baltimore. Annoyed? Really, doesn't begin to describe it. Shelley tried to basically bow out until I all but begged her to come with me in the event I got lost. So, off we went to where the Brit works to retrieve the wallet from his car (As I did not explain, a driving service took both he and his boss to the airport). Upon arriving at his particular building, we could not find his car. Oh and have I mentioned it is slightly after 10:00 AM and he needs the wallet in Baltimore by 11:00? No pressure or anything. I pick up my cell to call him to demand to know where the car (a massive Chevy Suburban) is hidden only to find out that the Brit has cancelled the cell phone service. So we call him on Shell's phone to find out that his car is at the main building, which though only a matter of minutes away, has cost us valuable time.

Finally. the wallet is retrieved and we are racing....literally....down the interstate in the direction of Baltimore. I am doing a mere 85MPH, which I NEVER do, but desperate means call for desperate measures. Traffic is relatively light until we get to the exit for the beltway and the butthead in right hand lane doesn't want to let me over to be able to exit. By now it is rapidly approaching 11:00 and our deadline, and I have called the Brit every name in the book during the past 45 minutes. Finally, I have no choice but to speed up a bit more in order to cut in front of said butthead in order to make the exit. He, in turn, developes an acute fascination with my rear bumper, though I informed him that "Driving up my bumper will not change what just happened."

We did not make the airport for 11:00 as we got a little detoured...*cough*lost*cough* but when we finally did make it the Brit was standing outside and THEN informed us they had changed their flight to midday. Thanks for telling us. Good thing I had not had a heart attack on my way to the airport in my haste to arrive ON TIME!

Shelley and I finally managed to get breakfast at nearly noon, but it was good and well worth it and so were the restrooms as our bladders were nearly bursting. Of course, there was still the issue of the lack of a yarn store and we were still on a timeframe with Shell needing to pick her son up at school, but we were game to try to locate the Frederick yarn store "Keep Me in Stitches". After a few more wrong turns, we finally located the shop and life was once again, all good. The shop was charming and the prices more reasonable than the shop closest to home. I promise pictures with the next update, but right now, I am just trying to let everyone know that I'm still alive! Just know that I did not disappoint.

I bought yarn.

Startling realizations

2005-09-21T22:41:00.000-04:00

I must forwarn everyone that there are so many thoughts and emotions going through my mind right now that I can only hope that this post makes sense on some level. It's all about fear, and realizing I am getting older and that I didn't keep as in touch with some people as I should have and that no matter how much time we think we have to get stuff done, tomorrow is no guarentee. It's about letting the little stuff go, like dusting and vacuuming and being angry in order to make room for people and praise and selflessness.

Today I got a phone call from my oldest friend telling me she had cancer. Now I'm not going to go into all the details of this. I'll tell you that the doctor thus far, seems optimistic, but what I really want to talk about is how this news threw me into a tailspin on so many levels. This friend and I have been been friends since 1980. We went to school together, we took vacations together, we wrote fiction together. In my teenage years, I spent almost as much time at her house as I did at my own. We worked at several of the same places together. She was my maid of honor when I got married.

Our lives took different directions. She went away to college while I chose to stay in town. I drove up to see her in her dorm several times during her two years at Frostburg. She moved to Baltimore for more education while I continued here in town, working towards a "Career" in corporate America, which I hated. But we remained friends and visited each other when we could. I married and she never did and we grew apart a bit. I suppose it was bound to happen, yet when one of us finds the time to call, it is as if little has changed when really everything has changed. But for the important stuff, we were still there for each other. My father passed away and her parents died within two years of each other and we did what we could when we could. I remember visiting her mom in the hospital and she paid visits to my dad. It was what we did. We have been friends forever.

Today, I was faced with the possibility of not having her in my life and I realized what a constant in my world she really is. Other than my family, I have known her longer than anyone. To lose her would be like losing a piece of the puzzle of my life as she is linked to me in so many ways. Faced with this possibility, I realize that I need to do better with people. Yes, I am busy. I have a husband, two kids, five cats, a job, speech therapy appointments, soccer practice, kids club, scouts and praise band on my plate, BUT I need to do better. It takes ten minutes to pick up the phone to see how someone is doing and it takes a lifetime to relive the regret you may feel at not having done these simple things for someone who is no longer on this earth. In some ways, I have gotten better with this with some people, so I just need to continue. It is so easy to fall out of touch with those we care about and it's funny how when we are so busy that we never think about what an incredible loss it is to not stay in touch. No, we don't consider that until that loss holds the possibility of being permanent. I mean, I have friends that make me laugh my ass off. Friends who make me feel like a better person just for being with them and for having the privilege to know them. We have the friends that we have for a reason. Because they are good for us. Because we need to be surrounded by those who understand us, that we can laugh with, cry with and most importantly, be 100% ourselves with. Yet it is so easy to unintentionally throw it all away. Because we get busy. I think we just need to prioritize better.

The other thing today made me realize is that I am, indeed getting older. I don't feel older. Mentally, I still feel thirty. Cancer is something older people get. Well, not entirely true, obviously, as children and infants get it too as this damn disease is not prejudice in any way, but for the majority. For the majority, cancer happens to older people. Until suddenly someone your own age has it. Then you realize you are older people. You realize you need to take better care of yourself, though that may not make any difference at all to cancer. But what you really need to do, what I need to do, is to treat each day like it is special. Because it is! Everyday is a new day to get things right, to possibly change a life, help someone, be with those we love. We may not get tomorrow. There is no promise of that. We spend so much time putting things off that we want to do, thinking that we have so much time, when it fact, that may not be the case at all. That is simply us making assumptions. Today, this minute, is all we know we have. Beyond that is still unknown and we have to chose what to do with it. We have to chose how we act, how we treat others, what we do with that time. Sure, there are chores that need to be done, but they can be done after we take care of the things or rather, the people who are so much more important.

Take the time to do that today. Right now. And if you get another second, please say a little prayer for my friend.

And he shall be dubbed....

2005-09-19T22:12:00.000-04:00

Yes. The kitten now has a name and it is not tapioca (though it was a cute suggestion, Laura!). I need to mention that I am currently having a bit of rice pudding and I honestly find there to be very little difference between it and tapioca, other than the obvious rice vs. jellyfish thing. I think they taste very much alike. Anyway, I digress, as usual. The kitten shall be named Micah, after Nicholas Sparks' brother in his non-fiction novel "Three Weeks with my Brother" (or was it Two weeks? I forget and am too lazy to look it up at the moment.).

Yes, I have a few new picture and I need to add that Shelley took these on Saturday, when she, Lisa and I got back from the yarn sale. I was feeling like total crap as yes, it was a full fledged cold that went into my chest as usual. I am feeling much better now but Saturday was definately my worst day. We were supposed to get together that night with Lisa and her husband, but due to how horrible I was feeling, we did the whole rain check thing. Anyway, new Micah cuteness pictures, brought to you by Shell!

Could there possibly be anything cuter?

Apparently, there are some months where everyone has additional bills, such as car insurance, or tags for the cars, etc. We also have looming ahead of us the need to buy oil for heat and given the price of gas at the moment, it is something else we are not looking forward to. When it comes to funds, we are doing just fine, but months like this are always enough to make the one who handles the bills stand back and let out a deep breath, reminding himself not to panic. I no longer handle the bills because for me, it involves way too much stress, so the Brit took them over several months ago. It has given me an incredible freedom. I hate handling money, though I love spending money, so now I have the best of both worlds.

But back to those costly months like the one we are having now. The Brit made an insinuation yesterday that if they offered me more hours at work, to not say no. Now, I work twenty hours a week and that suits me just fine. What the Brit doesn't realize is that it suits him just fine as well, but I'll explain that in a moment. I asked him if he was asking me to ask for more hours and he said no, but if they offer, don't refuse. Well, believe me, they generally don't offer and I will not be asking!

Now don't get me wrong. I love what I do at work. It's fun. It means something to me. I enjoy the majority of the folks that I work with, but twenty hours is plenty. For both of us. Because, you see, this is how it should work from the male perspective:

"Pick up more hours, however, I can still go into work when I want to and work as late as I need to. I really don't want to have to cook dinner and I definately don't want to do the dishes. If your additional hours interfere with someone being here when the kids get out of school, or one needs to go to speech therapy or the other one needs to get to the orthodontist, you can figure that out. If you ask me to do it, I will try to find a way to do it, but will probably complain the entire time. You can pick up additional hours, but please don't ask the kids or myself to do any additional housework, laundry etc. We can barely remember to feed the cats the nights you work late, so anymore work heaped on us would simply be too taxing. Pick up more hours, but if the hours they chose to work you interfere with something I want to do, then it is an issue and I will complain about it. I will even be grouchy about it. Because I want my cake and I want to eat it as well, from the comfort of my chair in front of the television and it is really good cake because someone else made it. At least you will be feeling flexible from working more hours to be jumping through all the hoops you will have to jump through in order to keep the house and the kids running smoothly while you work these additional hours."

I love him to death, but the above is absolutely accurate. I have witnessed it. I have been on the receiving end of a bad mood because I have to work. So, as I said, whether he knows it or not, twenty hours a week for me is plenty. For both of us. It keeps the household happy. It keeps me happy and my zoloft at a reasonable dosage.

For today, just two things...

2005-09-14T22:07:00.000-04:00

First off, what is the difference between rice pudding and tapioca? I mean, what exactly is tapioca? I'm hoping it is not really the grinded up pieces of a jellyfish that I think it to be.

Not much to say tonight, mostly because it feels like I am coming down with a cold. So, I plan on taking some Advil Cold medication and going to bed so I can kick this thing before it really gets going. I have tentative weekend plans that include yarn, so I don't want to be feeling badly by then!

I leave you with this bit of cuteness. And no, he doesn't yet have a name.

And now for the rest of the story

2005-09-12T20:55:00.000-04:00

So, does anyone have any suggestions as to what I can name this dear little baby boy? Yes, I will be bringing home a fifth (and final) cat this week. I cannot pass this little guy up as he stole my heart from the moment he was brought into the veterinary office. One of our clients found him two weeks ago, and he was three weeks old at the time. As she is highly allergic to cats, she brought him to us and we in turn had to rabies quarantine him for ten days. That is not as bad as it sounds. It just means that only rabies vaccinated staff can handle him for the ten day period. The quarantine was over today and I plan on bringing him home tomorrow. But now I am faced with the problem of a name.

My cats are all sort of originally named. Jasmine, my six year old always acted like a little princess as a kitten and the Brit and I got her as soon as we moved into our first apartment. When the Brit and I first met, he almost immediately whisked me off to Florida to meet his parents who were there on vacation and for the first time in my life, I saw Disney World. There is just something special about being in the land of Disney Magic with the man you had prayed to find for eighteen years....well, Jasmine named after Princess Jasmine from "Aladdin" was just appropriate on many levels. Alex, short for Alexandra, was named after a character in an original story that I was working on with a dear friend (and as Forrest Gump would say "And that's all I want to say about that."). Jonah, was also originally named as I had recently lost my fourteen year old kitty, Sam, to feline pancreatitis and it nearly killed me. I loved that cat. Anyway, I was trying to work out a way to name this new cat after Sam and my friend (the same one who helped me name Alex) suggested Jonah from the movie "Sleepless in Seattle" because the son's name was Jonah and the Tom Hanks role, the role of the father, was named Sam. So it was perfect. Hannah, well, it just kept with the biblical naming thing and I have always loved the name. So, now I need a name for this little guy. Suggestions?

So, the knitting? Yes! The knitting! I finished the hat! Well, sort of. I followed the directions from Crazy Aunt Purl and did the math and all that. However, my head is not only wide apparently, but long. (I swear I do not look like a freak!) It's either that or it is just because my hair is so thick, but it doesn't seem long enough. So with the help of Shelley, I am now picking up stitches around the bottom to see if it can be fixed instead of frogged.

One thing is really true however. When finished with the hat, I did feel like a superior knitter. I know that in the big knitty scheme of things, my little dinky hat is really no big deal, but hey! I used dpns! And Shell! My hat goes off to you for teaching me how to use dpns OVER. THE. PHONE! She didn't think she could do it, but she did! And it was kind of easy once I got into it. I was a bit intimidated at first, and had to contemplate actually using the dpns for about 24 hours. I went over and over the instructions in my head and finally, I just knitted right off my circs and right onto my dpns!

Now, I have to tell you that Shelley is not happy about my love affair with circular needles. I do. I admit it. I adore them. There is just something magical about them that I can't explain and Shell refuses to hear. She keeps telling me to "Stop it! You must not love them more than straight needles!" But Shell? I do. I really do.

So, now that I was in hat heaven, it was time to tackle a new one and I had been eyeing up the Cabled Newsboy Cap in "Stitch 'n Bitch Nation". Here is a picture so you can lust over it with me. Now, of course, I have no idea what it means to cable. So off to Shell's I went on Sunday for a cable-ing lesson. She set me up with a book of patterns and found the one that is used in the hat I want to make. My first attempt at cabling was not so pretty. In fact, it was a mess and I'm sorry I did not have the camera with me. Let's just say that when Shelley was trying to fix the mess, the tongue was sticking out in concentration. She was rather amused when I told her "I'm going to the bathroom so I don't have to see the tongue."

But after a few more attempts, I think I get the hang of it, so today, of course, it was off the the craft store to buy these:

So knitters? Other than yarn, do you ever actually possess everything you need to knit? I have treked to the store three times this week for one thing or another that I didn't have in the right size etc. And here I am thinking that I am doing pretty well on owning knitting stuff!

So, with the next post, there will be kitten cuteness, the start of the hat, and oh, a finished picture of the alpaca scarf! The fringe set the whole thing off!

Prologue

2005-09-09T08:17:00.000-04:00

So, I have much knitting to write about later, which is why this is a prologue of sorts. Sometimes in the morning, I feel the need to ramble a bit aimlessly so that is pretty much what this particular entry is all about. I just survived the last 45 minutes of pure hell for this week. Pure hell=the 45 minutes from the time I wake up the boys for school until the moment they walk out the door. They aren't real task oriented, so keeping them on it is not always easy. Fridays are also hot breakfast day. Monday through Thursday, they can have the normal cereal, poptarts, toast or oatmeal, but Fridays can be egg and toast day or waffle day or whatever their little hearts and souls desire. The only rule is that they get out of bed and dressed in time for this to happen.

So amongst the egg cooking and eating, there are instructions for teeth brushing, getting soccer attire ready for practice after school, the signing off of the homework and Bester Bucks (given for good behavior by their teachers each day), requests for what they want packed in their lunches, discussions on whether or not the school cafeteria really has trash cans (as for some reason the empty ziplock sandwich bags and drink containers always come back to me in their lunch boxes) and discussions on bookbag tidiness. So by the time these two children are finally out the door and I am sitting down at the keyboard with a cup of hot English tea beside me, I breathe a huge sigh of relief. I'm willing to bet that every mother of school aged children out there goes through the same thing.

So, enough about that. I made a startling discovery last night. I have been smoke-free now for I think 6 weeks. I have been off the patches for about three weeks. I have been dying for a cigarette every day since then. I miss them. The jealousy that wells up inside of me when I see someone else taking those long, lazy drags off a cigarette is so powerful it makes me want to run to the store to buy a pack, telling myself I will smoke just one. (Which in reality, would never, ever happen. I would have to smoke ALL of them as I have zero will power). But I have resisted. Until last night.

The Brit, who had been up working until 2:30 in the morning Thursday morning, had gone down for an early evening nap and the kids were outside playing and my friend, Tod, came over for a visit. Tod smokes. Tod smokes my brand. Me with the no will power? Yeah, I caved and asked for one. Now you may think that if Tod had been a good friend, he would not have given me a cigarette, but I didn't tell him I had quit until the thing was lit. Then eye rolling and a big sigh ensued. But. Here is the thing. I didn't enjoy it. I smoked a little over half of it but it didn't taste good. I made no mention of this because it took me quite awhile to process that information. It didn't taste good and the stench of that ashtray after Tod left was awful. Had to immediately take it out to the kitchen and dump and clean it. So apparently, somehow the no willpower girl has been reformed. Oh, I think I will always feel a niggle of envy directed at those who smoke because I can still remember when it did taste good, when lighting up that cigarette as soon as I got into the car after getting off work was the best sensation ever. But this time, I truly think that my love affair with Marlboro Ultra Lights is over. For good.

I'm starting to think Purl is really crazy

2005-09-04T21:53:00.000-04:00

Well, crazier than her blog insinuates that she is! I have finally decided to venture into hat-land. As a relatively new knitter, I was most eager to knit hats for two reasons. Number one is that I love hats. LOVE hats! Which brings me to reason number 2. I apparently have a big head. Not scary big or anything and I look perfectly proportioned, it's just that my head is not a "one size fits all" kind of head. If I go into a real hat store (aka expensive as hell) I can find hats to fit me, but generally I am not willing to pay those kinds of prices for them. So. Now. Knitter! ME! Can knit my own hats! YAY!

Then I read Crazy Aunt Purl's blog about hats and math. The math scared me off the whole hat idea. Anything that involved math did not need Miss. Math Illiterate making a mess out of it. So time went on, and a few projects later, there was that itch to do a hat again. So I went to Borders and bought a knitted hat book and looked through it longingly. Later that day, I spoke to Shelley and mentioned what I was considering and she suggested trying Purl's Easy Roll Brim Hat. So then I whined about the math, which Shelley explained to me. So I checked Purl's site and reread the pattern and pondered it for awhile. Then I called Shelley back.

Me: What does she mean by swatch the yarn?

Shell: Cast on about 25 stitches and then knit like 20 rows so you can measure how many stitches per inch you have.

Me: Well, why can't I just do that after I cast on? That will show my how many stitches I have in an inch.

Shell: No. You need to knit some rows, so you can see how it is going to lay. You can't tell by just your cast on.

Me: But then I have to rip it all out?

Shell: Yes. Me: But I don't want to rip it out. That's such a waste.

Shell: Well, then, save it.

Me: I don't wanna save it (really, I am almost 40 years old. Honest.), but I don't want to rip it out. Do I have to swatch?

Shell: You have to swatch.

So, I swatched. And I came out with having to cast on 96 stitches. Providing I did it right. So I cast on 96 stitches then read the directions again. I had to join in the ends. Well, that was a problem. These two ends were way to far apart on my circular needles. I tried to call Shell and got the machine, so I left a message and then called her cell phone and left another message. (Naah, I'm not needy. Not at all).

Then I stared at the problem and yanked my copy of Stitch 'N Bitch off the table to read up on circular needles. Here, I had thought that the size in circs was just needle size. Didn't realize the lengths were different as well! New knitter! Just refreshing your memories! So I drove out to AC Moore and got the right size circular needles and got back home and cast on another 96 stitches and WALA! My ends joined. So I have been knitting on this thing on and off all day and must say I am still concerned. I mean, how is this thing gonna become a hat?

Good help is hard to find

2005-09-01T22:10:00.000-04:00

So. I have had plenty of knitting time this week because somehow I managed to pull out my back on Tuesday. I have only done this three times in my life. The first time, I was in my twenties, and I was convinced I was dying. Literally. My uncle had recently been diagnosed with cancer and the back pain was so bad that I was convinced it had to be more serious than just a strained back. Nope, it was back cancer. (No idea if there even is such a cancer, but I was convinced I had it.). The second time was when we moved into our house and it was a brief encounter with obliterating pain. This time was pretty terrible. By the time I got home from work on Tuesday, I could hardly get out of my car and it went downhill from there. Thankfully, my doctor was kind enough to call me in some pain reliever as well as muscle relaxers and I think I am on the mend (It's difficult to tell when one is one medication that makes one feel loopy.).

But, in light of that news and as moving around much the last few days has been a fate worse than death, I finally finished the alpaca scarf! I still need to weave in the ends and I'm thinking about tassle-y bits on the ends possibly, but it is all bound off! I was trying to decide how to best pose the scarf and decided to go with the blog title of knittin' kittens in its truest form. Well, the cats had other ideas. I was only able to corner two of them, but apparently scarf modeling is something that must be started in feline infancy.

Jonah was very quick to plan his escape while trying to get the scarf off his body. He did model for a brief moment but by the time the picture focused he was pretty much over it.
Hannah was equally not amused and became rather indignant about the whole thing. I had decided to give up as Jasmine and Alex apparently saw what was going on and high tailed it out of the line of fire. So just when I decide it is not worth the fur flying, Hannah decides to take a diva roll and lie down right in between the scarf and the camera. This time she did not object.
Pure royality obviously. So tassle-y things? Ya think?

Another weekend sliding away...

2005-08-28T15:12:00.000-04:00

Can someone please explain to me how "St. Elmo's Fire" is an American Movie Classic? That's like insinuating that it is an old movie...or worse yet, that I am old and we all know THAT isn't true. I mean, classics are "Casablanca" or "Singing in the Rain". Not "St. Elmo's Fire" for heaven's sake! It was just out relatively recently, right? A couple of years ago. Like in the eighties. Not that long ago at all.

So the little man loved his first day of school. He was very excited and very proud of his new backpack.

Both boys, along with me, had to wait outside the school until they let the kids inside, so I took the opportunity to document the moment. For some reason, JJ refuses to take a good picture. He's a cute little bugger but always manages to somehow look like a goofball in front of the camera. Aaron is actually looks pretty good in pictures.
And lastly, I saw him to the classroom where there were plenty of things to explore and he started early while the other kids were having breakfast.
So there you have it. Tomorrow will be his first full week of school but he is already ready to get rolling. Their school has been in the paper alot lately as it has the lowest scores in our state. So there has been some major renovations going on, both with the interior and with the people. A few years ago another school in the area was in the same boat and they brought in a new principle to turn things around. And she did. Now they have brought her to my kid's school and the facelift that the school already has is amazing. The halls and classrooms have been painted and there are now curtains. The difference is astounding.

The area is a high poverty area and about 80 something percent of the kids are eligible for the free lunch program, thus the reason for the low scores. It seemed the past few years that no one really cared about what was going on at the school, but I really think we are going to see that change this year. Several of the teachers from the other school followed the new principle and Aaron actually has one of these very seasoned teachers. I'm hoping she can help to keep him motivated. I'll keep you informed.

Yesterday, two of the gals from work and I headed up to Boyd's Bear Country. I had never been there before and it was a great time. Three floors of bears, cats, figurines, housewares, nursery stuff. Fun and it was a day out with the girls, something I don't see all that often! They are both a hoot, though somehow I managed to spend the most money as Sharon kept insisting that I buy things ;) . One of my purchases was a halloween cat which Jonah has apparently been feeling a kinship with.

This cat rarely ever visits me on the desk, but ever since Jinx showed up, Jonah has been hanging around. I'll bet he wants me to knit him a little hat like Jinx has! Speaking of knitting, as this is a knitting blog, I am *this* close to finishing the Alpaca scarf. Pictures will follow as soon as it is completed and I decide who will model it for ya'll.

2005-08-25T18:35:00.000-04:00

So, can someone please tell me how this child is already old enough to be going to school all day beginning tomorrow? I know, I know. I have been looking forward to this, but on the eve of the reality, there is still something about it that just doesn't seem quite right.

Though it is slightly disconcerting that I told him to look cute and adorable and this pose was the best that he could come up with. JJ seems very excited about school though I'm sure he will be a bit intimidated tomorrow morning. I'm going to take the boys in tomorrow so that I can get the little one to his classroom and I am taking them both on Monday as well so I can read a story to JJ's class. I chose "Oliver's High Five" to read to the kindergarteners as it deals with an octopus who was born with 4 arms instead of 8 (and JJ was born with only one hand). JJ hates to field questions about his "little hand" as he calls it. Whenever we are somewhere and some little child asks about it, he always looks at me and says, "Tell her, mom." My usual response is that "God made him special." My only problem with this response is that in all honesty, God made every child special, but I haven't figured out how to give a different answer, yet still keep things short and sweet.

Anyway, the point of the book is so that the kids can ask questions while I am there, that I can tell them how JJ can ride a two-wheeler, climb a tree, write, play videogames, and pretty much do anything that they can do. It also gives me the opportunity to point out to innocent minds how we should never judge someone on what they look like. It's a lesson I wish that more parents would teach their kids.

My husband, being the new christian that he is, has been working on taming his using the Lord's name in vain thing. This is a tough one for a lot of people, because how often do we say. "Oh my God!" in an exclaimation of something? We don't mean to, but it happens and I think God understands. Me? When it slips, I usually immediately say, "Oops, sorry, Lord." So this morning, I am taking JJ to daycare and as I was the last one in my car last night on the way home from work, and I was in the car alone, Nicole Nordeman was on full volume in my CD player. So, I get JJ buckled in, then I get in and turn the ignition and Nicole comes blasting from the speaks. From behind me, I hear (and remember he is behind in speech and his "J" tends to sound like a "G"), "Gesus! That's loud!"

I, of course, am completely shocked and reply with, "What did you say?" To which he replies, "I said it was really loud!" I say, "No, before that." Only then does he respond with, "Gesus." I then tell him that I hope he was praying. It wasn't until he was safely dropped off at daycare and I drove towards work that I nearly doubled over in laughter. Hopefully, he learned the lesson, but as a parent, I just can't help it. When the kid comes out with something new, no matter how morally or socially wrong it may be, it is funny! Especially when it comes from the little boy who a year and a half ago, had speech that consisted of "Mmmmm"s and other odd little noises. So, is it still biblically wrong if I curb my saying the Lord's name in vain by saying, "Gesus"?

This child is really old enough to be gone from my life for all day???

Can you hear that?

2005-08-24T10:29:00.000-04:00

Can you? If you cannot hear what I am hearing then you are missing the most delicious sound of silence that has ever existed. I can hear the birds outside, and the cats are peacefully dozing in various places. The windows are all open as it is a beautiful day outside. Not a cloud in the sky, no humidity in the air, no screaming children banging in and out of doors....

Yes, you have guessed it! It's the first day of school!

Well, technically it is the first day of school for Aaron. JJ doesn't start till Friday as they are intigrating the kindergarteners in 6 per day this week, but he is at grandma's today. The Brit is at work, Aaron is at school and I don't go into work till 3:00. I could get used to this!

Yes, there is a certain element of sadness included. The kids are now a year older. JJ will be going to school all day starting Friday. Aaron has just this year left in elementary school before going off to middle school. I may not have much time left for JJ to be that sweet little boy who will come and lay his head on my shoulder and say, "I love you, mom." They grow out of that unfortunately. But then I look back over the last two years since they first came to live with us and I see how far they have come. JJ had a two word vocabulary and now he talks non-stop. Aaron about drove me up the nearest wall, but has settled down so much. I can hardly remember the days when he would call me by my name instead of "mom". Looking back on those days, I can also see how far I have come. The girl with no patience was forced to find some and fast when these two little guys moved in with us. I remember being in tears many a day, just unsure of how to deal with these two kids who had a way of getting into constant trouble. But then I had to remind myself of the fact that they were neglected before. There probably were no rules designed to keep them safe. They fended for themselves if need be as best as they could and there were no consequences for any action.

It was difficult implimenting all of these things into their little lives and at first they were not happy about it at all. Rules? I can't bounce all over the furniture or carve up my dresser with a paperclip or go into a friend's house when they aren't home and take the toys I want to play with? But eventually they began to learn that some things just were not nice and other things were disrespectful and that when they did the good stuff, they were rewarded and when they did the bad stuff, there were consequences to those actions. And somehow in the midst of all this chaos and rule making and breaking, we became a family. Kind of amazing really. I know we will face many more challenges with the boys, but one day at a time and now with them being in school, I can finally find my center again after two years. Not that I begrudge the kids at all, as I love them. But I'm also female and you know how we are about our alone time!

So I am already making lists in my head of the things I want to accomplish this fall and winter. Stuff like organizing the walk in closet and painting and cleaning out our bedroom closet. And painting the boy's room. The best part is knowing I have time to do it.

Yes, the first day of school. Another milestone in the life of a child. Another collective sigh from mothers all around the country.

So, I fell in love with it, eh?

2005-08-22T21:02:00.000-04:00

Hello everyone! No, I in fact did not vanish off the face of the planet. I just vanished from the country for awhile in order to celebrate the Brit's and my 7th wedding anniversary. Each year, we trade off. Last August, I planned our mini-getaway and this year it was his turn. He knows all the places that I would one day love to visit and he chose one of them.

Niagara Falls, Canada!
They light it up at night and it is certainly beautiful! The power of the water is amazing and I could actually see the mist from the falls rising into the air right after we crossed into the country! Pictures really don't do it justice. The falls are a combination of sheer beauty and sheer power that just exceed what you can capture on film.
See the little boat to the left in the above picture? We did that. They thankfully give you a plastic poncho with a hood when you board "The Maid of the Mist" and again, you just cannot imagine. I had on sunglasses as well and when we neared the horseshoe falls, it all just came pelting down from every direction. I could barely open my eyes, because I wear contact lenses and the water was coming in the sides of my sunglasses! There is actually a part of Falls Road, that runs beside the falls, that is always wet. It always feels like it is raining, just from the mist that occurs when this water moves. We also visited Toronto for an afternoon. My goal was to hit a few yarn shops, most specifically "Romni Wools" but I'll get to the knitting piece of this vacation later. We did have lunch at the top of the CN Tower in Toronto. The tower revolves and it takes it an average of 72 minutes to do a complete rotation. The below picture is a view of the tower from the harbor.

And this is our view of the city below from the CN Tower. It was pretty amazing to be up that high, but I must admit...the moving thing? I had trouble looking out the windows for any length of time without feeling a little dizzy. But we did have a chuckle while we were up there. I had gathered that there was definately Canadian slang. "Eh" of course as an obvious one, and also the way the natives refer to their dollar coin as the "loonie". We later discovered it was because on one side of the coin a bird is pictured. Well, we are having lunch up in this tower and we had been warned that as the middle section of the tower rotated, if one of us got up from our table to use the facilities, when we returned, our table would not be in the same place as it had been before. Depending on how long we were gone, it could be slightly to the right or very much to the right! Well, neither of us got up during lunch, but once our rotation was nearly completed (Remember, 72 minutes?) I looked up to see that we were back at the exit from the dining area. I started laughing and pointed out to the Brit that the sign read "Exit-Sorte." Being the dork that I am, I was making the assumption that the "Sorte" was the Canadian lingo for "Sorta" or "Sort of" and it made sense to me as the tower was turning and it struck me very funny. Until the Brit informed me that "Sorte" is apparently French for exit.

Once we left the tower, we departed for the harbor cruise, which was also very enjoyable. Our tour guide was very knowledgable and quite funny with alot of little inside stories. The thing that I loved the most about Canada was the people. Well, that and the fact that the country is so CLEAN! We're talking minimal litter along the road, people! Those of us who live in the USA can pretty much daily see the evidence of our cluttered little lives scattered along streets and highways. Not in Canada! A single piece of garbage along the road was a rare thing!

But anyway, back to the people. Nice! So, so nice! The waitresses in the resturants chatted with us, the tour guide people who drive the tour bus to and from the harbor, not only chatted with us, but took us to our car as we could not remember where we had parked in Toronto! They did not have to do that, they did it because they are NICE!

But the epitomy of nice happened on our way back from Toronto. We had stopped at a little eatery to use the washrooms and grab something to drink for the road. Now, the Brit drives a great big Chevy Suburban (as with men it is all about the size of things, you know) and when he was backing this beast up after we had gotten our drinks, he failed to notice the much shorter car parked behind him and yes, he hit the car. Put a little dent in the bumper, he did. Not wanting to do into the place and make an announcement, the Brit was writing down his name and phone number on a piece of paper to leave on the windshield of the offended car. As he was finishing, we noticed a man coming out and walking towards the car we had hit. The Brit got out and met him in the parking lot.

Brit: Hey buddy, is this your car? I just backed into it."

Canadian: Eh, don't worry about it!" The man is smiling and gives the Brit a clap on the back (probably because the Brit's mouth was hanging open in astonishment).

Brit: Are you certain? I just hit your car!"

Canadian: It's allright!"

Now THAT is nice!

He refused to take our information or anything. Now granted, the dent was small, but here at home, do you really think that scenario would have occured? Heck no! People get all sue-happy and out for blood and there would have been rising insurance premiums!

So about the yarn business. Our first night in Niagara, I decided to check out the local phone book to see if there were any yarn shops that were not in Toronto. I found one very close to where we were staying! It was called "The Knitting Habit" and it was a charming little store. The owner was the first Canadian we met and she was lovely and helpful. What really blew me away was how inexpensive the yarn was! Had I bought the same amount of yarn here at home, I would have easily paid double the price! Now that is sad and just one more reason for me to love Canada.

This is the stash I purchased at The Knitting Habit. I did visit two other yarn shops in Toronto, but honestly, was not real impressed. Romni Wool was a fairly large store with what I'm sure was a great selection, but it was busy, the aisles were narrow and lined with bags of yarn on the floor and to be honest, I just could not be bothered to fight my way through the store. On top of that, the prices were much closer to what I pay here at home, so there wasn't much incentive for me to want to fight my way through the store.

We also stopped in The Knit Cafe and I would probably frequent this shop if I lived in Toronto just to knit and chat with other knitters. However, the yarn selection is pretty limited (the picture on the website actually makes the shop appear larger than it really is) and again, the prices were too close to home. Yes, folks, The Knitting Habit had my vote for the trip! I even emailed the owner last night to tell her how much I enjoyed her shop and that I would be visiting again.

So, there you have our trip. To the Canadian people: Thank you for your hospitality and for being so charming. I am already looking forward to visiting with you again.

Disappointed in the human race

2005-08-09T14:34:00.000-04:00

This is going to be a rant and I am going to get on my soapbox about it. I believe I have made mention of the fact that I work in a veterinary hospital and due to the whole doctor/patient confidentiality thing, I won't mention where nor any names. But this must be said.

Some days in there are hard. We see alot of PTS' (put to sleep) due to old age, failing bodies, severe injury, and though those times are difficult you can accept it. Death is part of life and if an animal is suffering with little or no hope of recovering, it is often the kindest thing an owner can do. Our hearts grieve with these owners, because most of us have lost a beloved friend and companion and we know how painful it is to say goodbye. Though we don't personally know all the animals that come into the office, we all have compassion, which is something every animal owner should be required to have.

Today, a woman brought in her dog. The dog was just over two years old and had been shot in the back. I'm not sure how this happened, but that was the case. This information is bad enough on its own, but let's add the really horrible part. She was coming in seeking a second opinion on the dog's condition. The poor animal could barely walk. There were wounds on his front elbows from dragging himself along the ground. He had been left to lie in his own feces.

This is still not the worst part of the story. The worst part of the story is that the dog was shot two months ago in June. This animal has been left to suffer for two months. The woman had been giving him pain medication, the equivalant of probably a Tylenol for a human, and had been left to live this way for over sixty days. I cannot begin to describe the rage I felt, the rage we all felt over this situation.

Apparently, the woman was concerned about money. Here's a little tip for everyone out there: if you cannot afford to seek medical attention for an animal in the event it gets sick or hurt, do not get an animal! Like children, they need a doctor at times. Like children, they may be born with an existing condition that cannot be cured. Please, please, please, take these things into consideration before you get a pet! If this woman could not afford to get treatment for her dog, she should have either A) found someone who could care for it or B) have it humanely euthanized. I am not a huge fan of choice B if there is something medical that can be done for an animal, but if the alternative is to live in pain, it is the kinder thing to do.

If you want a pet, know what you are getting yourself into! Don't just look at the little kitten or puppy cuteness and decide it must be yours. Take into consideration the things that MIGHT happen, even if the chances are slim. If your dog gets bloat, can you afford a thousand dollar surgery? If your cat gets a urinary blockage, can you afford a nine-hundred dollar surgery? If the dog ages and becomes arthritic, can you afford medication on a regular basis? Think about these things and please encourage any friends you have to consider the same things. Animals get cancer, Cushing's Disease, diabetes, hypothyroidism and numerous other things. As a pet owner, YOU are their lifeline! You need to be tuned in to your pet to know when something isn't right, so if you are going to get a dog only to keep it chained in the backyard all day long, how will you know if something is wrong? (Not to mention that is no life for a dog. They are companion animals, for heaven's sake). They can't tell you what is hurting them, so you have to be intuitive to their needs. If you cannot make a contract with yourself to do these things, please, remain pet-free!

As for the dog from today-it was put to sleep. Though even in death, the body was unable to be peaceful. Our wonderful pet-mom could not produce records that it had been rabies vaccinated and out of pain, the dog bit her today. (Another reminder. If you are one to rescue an animal lying on the side of the road, please keep towels or a muzzle in your trunk. Animals do not often bite because they are vicious, but because they are in pain and/or afraid). As she was seeking treatment at the hospital for the bite wound, and no rabies records could be found anywhere, the dog had to be decapitated and the head sent away to find out if the dog was rabid. I don't believe for a single second that it was, but there are laws and protocol that has to be followed.

Tonight, I shall love on my kitties a bit more than usual and be thankful that they are in a home where their little needs can be met.

Love you, heat! Humidity, you suck!

2005-08-05T22:14:00.000-04:00

It's been hot. Really, really hot and that's okay. But this humid thing has got to go. It sucks the life right outta me.

Movin' on. The camera should hopefully be in transit to Melville, New York on Monday. We had a bit of a problem with the whole receipt needed to be covered under warrenty thing. The Brit bought it on his British credit card, so getting a copy of it will take forever and a day. But with a little badgering, Circuit City has located information on the sale that we can sent to Nikon. Hopefully, it will arrive tomorrow and then the camera can be sent off on Monday. Half the fun of blogging is pictures! I can't show you the baby afghan I started today! It's coming along beautifully. But on the bright side, by the time the camera has come home, there should be some major progress on the blanket for me to show you!

So. I'm going to let you in on a little secret that none of the humans in my world know. Not that you all aren't humans, but you're more like the people in the computer and all. Anyway, I have now gone 26 hours and 25 minutes without a cigarette. I don't tell the family because then I tend to blow it. Besides, it's always fun to see how long it takes them to notice. I'm bettin' a week minimally before someone has a light bulb go off above their heads. I'm using the patch this time, cuz ya'll know that I have no willpower of my own. I want to quit but at the same time, I grieve for the loss of a dear friend. My stress reliever, my relaxer, my loyal companion. Why must you be so bad for me? So keep your fingers crossed or pray for me, whichever suits you better. I'd like to succeed this time.

JJ, my five year old made us all laugh hysterically tonight. He comes up with the funniest stuff and I don't know where he learns it, but his delivery is priceless. He came down in the living room to get ready for bed and as we have no central air, he has been sleeping in just boxer shorts. So, he is down to his boxers and out of nowhere, he pulls the elastic waistband away from his tummy and says, "Let's take a look." He looks down his pants and then back up with a huge grin on his face and says, "Lookin' good!" I swear, he did not learn this from the Brit or me! He insisted that he heard it on SpongeBob, which concerns me a little if SpongeBob was really looking down his square pants when he made this little remark.

Well, signing off for tonight. I have to work in the morning, though I can't really complain as it is the only Saturday I'm scheduled this month. Heading to the craft fair over at the park sometime this weekend and hoping Shelley is going to go with me. Hint. Hint.

Tired, achey and renewed

2005-08-02T21:01:00.000-04:00

Yes, I do still exist! I just think that with the very busy weekend, and my ongoing insomnia, I'm overly tired, but I am still going to try to do an update tonight.

Women of Faith

The conference was wonderful. Better than wonderful really. Mom and I took the metro from Shady Grove on Thursday afternoon to Union Station in Washington DC. The hotel was thankfully not far from the metro stop as we were each dragging a suitcase behind us, but we were soon settled into a very nice room on the 9th floor. We opted for a simple dinner from the deli next door (BLTs and chips) and we paid the outrageous price for a movie on the hotel television. We knew that Friday was going to be a full day, so a quiet evening was in order. Though I generally have energy to burn, my mother is 76 years old (though she does not look nor act a day of it).

We were up at 6:30 on Friday morning, showered and grabbing a cab to Dar Constitution Hall for the pre-conference with Kathy Troccoli and Marilyn Meberg who is one of the WOF speakers. I have to add in here that I adore Kathy Troccoli! She is just this incredible woman, with a beautiful alto voice and the songs she sings just touch me so much spiritually. I had actually brought the Alpaca scarf along with me and knitted up until the conference began, but then put it away thinking it would be rude to knit during the speaking and singing.

Well, interestingly enough, during one of Kathy's first songs, she stated during a musical break in the music that "There is a lady in the center row knitting!" I found it all very funny and then proceeded to knit through the second half of the pre-conference, mostly because our seats were on the side and my neck was getting sore from looking over to the left to see the stage. So this way I could listen and look up from time to time.

The pre-conference was amazing. Between Kathy singing and sharing parts of her story with us and Marilyn being so funny one minute and touching my heart with her words the next, I could just feel my spirit being filled. WOF is such a recharging period for me. Just the bringing together of all these women, talking about God and the things that women feel...it is just indescribable. Pre-conference was over at 3:00, so we grabbed a metrobus to the MCI center so we could get the tickets that we had never received and then we headed to a restaurant called "Legal Seafood" for a late lunch/early dinner. Of course, the place is crawling with women and we all know where we are all going.

We wound up sitting next to a table of two women: one from Cumberland and one from Lancaster. The lady from Cumberland had attended a WOF conference several years ago and she made mention that where it had been held, they'd had to use porto-potties outside (Shell, you know how I am about those things!). I made mention of how at the MCI Center, they converted all the men's rooms over to women's rooms for the conference and this lady looked at me and said "There will be what? A thousand women there?" I nearly swallowed my face, but I remained slightly aloof and said "Oh, a few more than that." I didn't want to frighten her with telling her that the conference would host about 15,000 women over the weekend.

Friday night conference was great. As always, we open each session with praise and worship and that night it was Patsy Clairmont's night to talk. Folks, this lady is so hysterically funny! I laughed and laughed but she always has such a powerful message to give you. Prior to Patsy, we heard from Carol Kent, who nearly broke my heart. Just to quote the lowdown of this from her website: "Carol Kent's life changed forever when her twenty-five year old son, a graduate of the U.S. Naval Academy and a lieutenant in the navy with an impeccable military record, shot and killed his wife's ex-husband."

Carol's son is a christian and was prior to this happening. He married a divorcee with two little girls and apparently, there was a question of abuse regarding her x-husband. Jason (I think that is her son's name) was so very concerned because the ex was trying to get custody of the children. He loved these two little girls with all his heart and was concerned for their well being. Carol received a call late one night that told of her son being arrested for the murder of this man.

Now, Carol in no way condones what Jason did, but she told all this from a mother's perspective and it was agony to hear. But her faith and trust in Christ through this entire time was so clear and so abundant that it touched every woman in the room. Jason is now serving life in prison with no possibility for parole, but he ministers to other inmates in the faith wing of the prison.

I felt emotionally spent when we left the arena that night. Between crying with Carol and laughing with Patsy, I was exhausted! I failed to sleep well that night however, continuing on my path of insomnia and Saturday started bright and early. We listened and loved hearing from each of the other speakers; Sheila Walsh, Thelma Wells, Lucy Swindol and Marilyn again. Nicole Johnson, the dramatist was once again, incredible. We had two musical guests on Saturday: Nicole Nordeman and Natalie Grant and Nicole was by far, my favorite. I have two of her cds anyway, and she is just this amazing person.

She told a story about being on tour early in her career and was the opening act for another band. She was one of two women on this tour, the other being a lady named Meredith. She described Meredith as being one of those christians who was just "A little too perky." Nicole is a private person and Meredith decided that they needed to be best friends. Nicole was quick to realize that Meredith's overzealous personality was hiding other issues, but she admits that at that time in her life, she "just couldn't be bothered." She went out of her way to avoid this lady and breathed a big sigh of relief when the tour came to a close. A month or so later, Nicole got a phone call from someone else who had worked on the tour and during that conversation, he asked her "Did you hear about Meredith?" Nicole, with raw, painful honesty, admited that she gave an exasperated sigh and basically said, "What now? Who is she driving crazy now?" There was an awkward silence on the other end of the line, before he replied, "She took her own life two weeks ago."

We could all clearly see the regret on Nicole's face even now, several years later as she told this story and her message was this: We probably all know a Meredith and we never know what someone else may be going through and we need to take that opportunity to make a difference in that life. She also had a message for those in the audience who might be a Meredith. That God's grace and love was bigger than anything they might be going through at that time. What a painful way to learn that lesson.

So in closing for now, the trip was amazing and we have already booked our seats for next year. I'm already looking forward to it. I know this is a knitting blog, but as it is my blog, you have to accept that I love the Lord and that weekends like last weekend make me feel all the closer to him.

Bad luck anyone?

2005-07-27T22:57:00.000-04:00

So, all good things must come to an end. My digital camera, my Nikon 3200 Coolpix, died tonight. Well, sorta died. The lens will no longer extend, thus giving me a "lens error" message. The camera will not even have been in my possession for a year until December 19th. It worked beautifully all weekend and then tonight, when I went to take a few blog pictures...Lens Error. I called Nikon and they tried to fix it over the phone but it was a no go. This bites for another reason and that is that I am leaving for the Women of Faith conference tomorrow and had planned on taking it along. Now, we are going to call Circuit City tomorrow, where it was purchased but I seriously doubt that they will exchange a six month old camera and I am not about to drag my 35mm camera goodness to a conference in Washington DC with thousands of women. So, it will probably have to be sent back to Nikon to be fixed, so in the meantime, no blog pictures. Blah.

I tend to have camera bad luck. My 35mm died on me on top of the Empire State Building in NYC in August of 2001. I was taking pictures and the camera started smoking. Yes. Literally smoking. Then it promptly died and cost me well over $100 to have repaired. Obviously, it didn't like heights.

Okay, on to a bit more birthday goodness and a little introduction. I have a dear friend who I have never, ever met in person. I met her on a message board approximately three years go and she has become one of my dearest friends. Andrea lives in New Hampshire and for my birthday, she sent me an umbrella swift. Yes, now I can be the yarn balling envy of all my knitty friends! I was VERY excited when I opened the box and found this beautiful, wooden object of my affection (close your eyes and envision the picture that should have been inserted here). She also sent me a book called "Bags-A Knitters Dozen" which I can hardly wait to delve into. There is only one problem.

It has been too darn hot for me to want to knit. With the humidity the last three days, the temperatures have been close to or over 100 degrees and me, with no central air, has no desire to play with wool of any kind. I am not generally one to complain about heat as I despise, loathe and detest the cold, but this wave of heat and humidity has been unfit for man or beast. Not just hot. Stinkin' hot! Our only A/C unit is in our bedroom, so sleep is bearable though since the hot front has kicked in, I have become an insomniac, tossing and turning most of the night, much to the annoyance of Alex the cat who likes to sleep on my hip. I am actually looking forward to two nights in a hotel and a very air conditioned MCI Center!

So for now, I am signing out and will update again when I get home Saturday night or Sunday. Everyone take care!!

Another trip around the sun.

2005-07-24T17:49:00.000-04:00

So in Lisa's living room, on a warm Saturday afternoon, we had our first Stitch n bitch!

We all arrived at Lisa's house in West Virginia yesterday afternoon around 3:00. Dinner was cooking and smelling wonderful, there was fresh fruit and fruit dip, as well as chips, salsa and guacamole. Four children and three husbands tended to themselves for a few hours, so that myself, Lisa, Shell, Kelly and Deanna could knit! Shell was working on the start of a lovely green shawl, as well as a baby afghan, Deanna was making these totally adorable little pumpkins, Kelly was working on unraveling the Alpaca mess I made a week ago as seen here and I was working

on the other skein of Alpaca for the scarf. Lisa cast on what I think was going to be a scarf (I say this not because I am unsure of her talents, but because I honestly cannot remember). There were vodka slushes involved so thus my memory lapse!

At any rate, the afternoon was a wonderful time and we have to make it minimally a monthly thing.

I have spent many, many weekends at Lisa's house in the past, mostly pre-Brit, but many post-Brit as well as Lisa and her husband, Phil, were a big part of the reason the Brit and I met to begin with. It's hard to describe what it is like to be there. There are no rules. If you want to go off alone and read a book for awhile, that is perfectly acceptable and no one thinks you are being anti-social. Not that anyone did that. I was just giving an example, though if someone wanted to do that, there are plenty of books to chose from. It has just always been a "please yourself" kind of place. Chaos is often part of the fun, as it was yesterday with four boys running around the place. On top of that, I need to mention that Lisa and Phil have eight cats and one dog. All indoor. Well, the dog, Mattie, can go out obviously. It's always so funny as for the most part, one would have no idea that they were in a dwelling place with eight felines. Until feeding time.

I don't even think that I was able to capture them all when the feeding frenzy began, but they all came out of hiding and I think you can just see all eight cats in the picture, counting the one that is around the corner to the right. I even managed to get Mattie's brown back in the picture. Of honorable mention here is Teddy, the tortie kitty. Teddy is of mention as she is the eldest...*ahem* kitten in the brood. (Lisa's cats do not age in cat years and only age in people years if you whisper it or cover Lisa's ears). Teddy comes with a Warning label attached. If she approaches you and happens to give your foot a friendly little kitty rub, just accept it as what it is. Do not attempt to pet her or you will pull back a bloody stump. Seriously.

Before dinner, the Alpaca mess was still being passed around to untangle. Shell, Jim and Shell's mom untangled one full fiber as well as most of the second one, which I finished off yesterday with help from Kelly. Then we started the last one and it was passed from Deanna, back to me, back to Kelly, then to my Brit, then to Jim, who was actually the one to get the final knot out of it.

We now finally have three seperate balls of yarn!

Jim was insistant that we take a picture of him with his victory smile for untangling the last knot~

Seriously though, my greatest appreciation goes out to all who assisted with the Alpaca mess! Had it been up to me alone, I'd of probably chucked it in the garbage as it seemed hopeless as a one woman job!

After dinner, Kelly showed us some sweaters she made and one she modeled for us. They were all beautiful and I was left in awe of her talents. Kelly works with Shell and this was only the second time I had been around her and already I am hoping she is able to spend more time with us. She's a lovely person, an incredible knitter and an animal lover, all of which are majorly important in my book.

At any rate, I think we all had a wonderful time (I know I did!) and we did not arrive home till about 1:30 this morning. Today is my 39th birthday and my hubby and the kids got me my ball winder and this perfect knitting tote, which I already have packed up.

So all in all, a very nice birthday weekend. I got to spend it with friends and family and nothing could be better. I even got to knit.

The ties that bind

2005-07-21T22:24:00.000-04:00

So, I've been a little busy. Busy enjoying the peace and quiet that comes from children having gone camping for four days. Today was the best. I had it all to myself. No work, no husband, no kids. Just me, knitting and "Little House on the Praire." A truly perfect arrangement.

However, all perfection must come to end and mine did just after 6:30 this evening when the Brit came home with the kids. Though I was happy to see them, a few hours and a few kabillion "Mom"s later, I was watching the clock till bedtime, just to get to that peaceful place once more. Did I mention that on Sunday, it is not only my birthday, but only four more weeks till school starts?

I think I want to talk a little bit about family dynamics. Not the family I married into, but the family I was born into. There are seven of us and at any given time there is someone who is not getting along, or someone who is mad at someone else in the family (sibling, parent, etc). Now, I can get along with anyone, but with my family it really doesn't take any effort. I realize that people are very different, even within a family structure. Some are more outspoken, some are silent sufferers and never say what is truly bothering them (that would be me) some are offended easily and some may have to be beaten over the head with a hammer to realize that someone is getting ticked off. In any family, no one person is going to make everyone happy all of the time. It just isn't possible. We are all different. Some may speak before they think. Some may get involved with things they should not. Some just want to fix everything. None of these things are wrong. They are simply the little quirks that exist within the family unit. It's the same story with any body of individuals really, such as church, married into family, groups of friends, etc.

We lost our dad almost six years ago to colon cancer and if that experience taught me nothing else, it taught me one thing. It taught me that life is short. It taught me that having regrets is so not worth any anger or hurt feelings that may have occured earlier. From the time I realized that my parents were growing older, I resolved to not have any regrets with them and when my father was diagnosed, I doubled my efforts. It was not out of some sense of obligation, though that certainly would have been as valid a reason as any. After all, he was my father. He loved me and raised me. But as opposed to seeing it as something I had to do, I saw it as something I wanted to do. I wanted to be there. Nothing and I mean NOTHING else was as important. I chose to live my life that way and even now, almost six years since dad went to heaven, I still try very hard to live that way. I'm not perfect. I make mistakes. But I try. I really do.

God doesn't make mistakes. Every person was born into the family that they reside in for a reason and we can either accept people as they are and be regret-free or we can harbor anger in our hearts and one day beat ourselves up because there were trivial things we couldn't bring ourselves to forgive. Think of us. We are God's children and there are no two people alike in the trillions and billions of people on this planet. But God loves us all. He doesn't hold any grudges for the stupid things we do or say. He doesn't thrust any of us away from him when we upset him and I'm certain we upset him on a regular basis. Not even Jesus struck out in anger at the people who mocked him up on the cross and if we are supposed to strive to be like Jesus then what right do we have to strike out at the people in the family that God gave us?

People who love us are a gift. We should treat them as such. Yeah, they're going to screw up from time to time because they aren't perfect. Anyone can hold a grudge and stay angry, but it takes someone who knows God's love and the gift he gave us in family to accept and forgive.

It's a lesson we all need to learn.