Sometimes there's no where to go but up
This life that we have been given to live in can be hard. Really, really hard. You are thrown all sorts of circumstances, without first being given the tools to deal with these problems. Life doesn't come with a manual and there is no teacher who can teach you how to deal with the day to day problems that can seem so ginormous; problems that are bigger than you are, problems that you CAN'T solve no matter how much you want to.
You plod on and on trying to do the right things, and when those things don't work, you pick yourself up and dust yourself back off and try again. A new tactic. A new possibility. You've always known exactly who you are and you've known exactly who you are not, but suddenly it has all gotten so out of control and you are walking a thin line between who you are and who you don't want to become. Then you are stuck again, trying to figure out the right thing to do, all the while wallowing in guilt, shame, and fear, knowing that on some level you failed.
But what you also find is an understanding of people you once subconsciously judged. You can so clearly see how it all went wrong again, and again and again. You understand fighting against your own inner demons, constantly pushing yourself to sum up more patience, more tolerance, even though your reserve of these things has long been depleted. You find yourself envious of the people who seem to have an endless supply of these things when you need it so much more.
Then the questioning begins. The wondering why God brought you to this horrible place of uncertainty. You're sure He made a mistake because there are way better solutions to this problem then you. The problem is no one person's fault, but you are left to deal with it and a life may very well hang in the balance. Screwing it up is not an option. It can't be.
So you are left with nothing left but prayer. You can't guide yourself out of this place of darkness; you've tried and wound up more lost than before. Only God knows how all of this is going to turn out and even though where you are right now may not have been His will, you know He can make something good come out of it.
Pray for me. I don't like where I am.