Friday, July 07, 2006

Sometimes there's no where to go but up

This life that we have been given to live in can be hard. Really, really hard. You are thrown all sorts of circumstances, without first being given the tools to deal with these problems. Life doesn't come with a manual and there is no teacher who can teach you how to deal with the day to day problems that can seem so ginormous; problems that are bigger than you are, problems that you CAN'T solve no matter how much you want to.

You plod on and on trying to do the right things, and when those things don't work, you pick yourself up and dust yourself back off and try again. A new tactic. A new possibility. You've always known exactly who you are and you've known exactly who you are not, but suddenly it has all gotten so out of control and you are walking a thin line between who you are and who you don't want to become. Then you are stuck again, trying to figure out the right thing to do, all the while wallowing in guilt, shame, and fear, knowing that on some level you failed.

But what you also find is an understanding of people you once subconsciously judged. You can so clearly see how it all went wrong again, and again and again. You understand fighting against your own inner demons, constantly pushing yourself to sum up more patience, more tolerance, even though your reserve of these things has long been depleted. You find yourself envious of the people who seem to have an endless supply of these things when you need it so much more.

Then the questioning begins. The wondering why God brought you to this horrible place of uncertainty. You're sure He made a mistake because there are way better solutions to this problem then you. The problem is no one person's fault, but you are left to deal with it and a life may very well hang in the balance. Screwing it up is not an option. It can't be.

So you are left with nothing left but prayer. You can't guide yourself out of this place of darkness; you've tried and wound up more lost than before. Only God knows how all of this is going to turn out and even though where you are right now may not have been His will, you know He can make something good come out of it.

Pray for me. I don't like where I am.


Blogger Laura said...

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,

When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,

As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a fellow turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow -
You may succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than

It seems to a faint and faltering man;
Often the struggler has given up
Whe he might have captured the victor's cup;
And he learned too late when the night came down,
How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out -

The silver tint in the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It might be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

6:44 PM  
Blogger Laura said...

Go to the above link and download the file. It's my crush and your's together on Jay Leno's show!!! Enjoy!!

6:46 PM  
Blogger RheLynn said...

Sometimes when it all seems too hard to deal with - I just stare at the rest of the world in awe and wonder - and figure ... I'm here and it's for a reason, I'd better do my best with it and try to make it as good of a place as possible for those around me.

3:03 PM  

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